Part 13: Sexual Sin Series

Sexual behavior reveals what is in a person’s heart, and for that reason Scripture speaks about it often. In Colossians, Paul equates sexual sin with covetousness and idolatry:

Colossians 3:5,6 Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry. Because of these the wrath of God is coming.

Married or single, your behavior in this aspect of your life waves a flag that signals the allegiance of your heart.

The material in chapters 4-6 is crucial to understanding how to counsel a person who struggles with sexual sin. Begin with the material in those chapters as well as the material in chapter 12 (escaping enslaving sin). Beyond that, some very helpful passages of Scripture for dealing with sexual sin are Proverbs 5-7 and 1 Corinthians 6.

Homosexuality

Great care must be taken when using the word, “homosexual” because in the Bible it means one thing but in our culture it means something very different. Biblical references to homosexuality focus on behavior. But most people in our culture use this term to refer to what they call a sexual orientation and what the Bible calls temptation. According to our culture, if you are tempted to commit homosexual acts, you are a homosexual—regardless of how you behave. Biblically speaking a person is not homosexual unless he or she actually engages in homosexual behavior. This is important because when we say, “Homosexuality is a sin,” what the world hears is that it is a sin to even be tempted. Without question, homosexual behavior (which includes indulging sexual thoughts) is sin (Ro.1:26-27, 1 Cor.6:9, Lv.18:22). It is not a sin, however to have an “orientation” (that is – it is not a sin to be tempted). Jesus Himself was tempted, and yet was without sin (Heb.4:15).

Most Christians have no idea which people in their church struggle with strong temptations toward homosexuality. This is no surprise. If you struggled with that temptation would you tell anyone? Most Christians who struggle with this particular sin (and often other kinds of sexual sin) carry on the war in lonely isolation. Sadly, it is not uncommon to hear people in churches making jokes and derogatory remarks about homosexuals. Sexual sin is one of the most difficult sins to overcome, and requires more outside help from others than most sins; so those who need support the most are the least likely to have it. Make it your goal to do your part in reversing this problem. A person fighting against sexual sin – including homosexual sin – is to be commended, not looked down upon. The great problem in the Church is the people who are not fighting against the sin in their lives. If a person is repentant, our role is to come alongside him and help him gain victory.

Some people, from the time they first begin to experience sexual attraction, for no reason they are able to discern, find themselves drawn to people of the same sex. They do not want to feel that way, and they do everything they can to shift their attraction to the opposite sex in order to be normal. They beg God to take the temptation away from them, but instead it becomes stronger and stronger. What are people like that supposed to do? What about a man, for example, who begins to develop a friendship with another man but then a sexual attraction develops. Should he cut off the friendship with no explanation?

An Inside Look at the Struggle

The following is a letter I received from a woman in our church who wanted to confess her struggle:

I really need to ask some questions, but I have been avoiding these particular ones for a lot of reasons. But I feel very alone in my struggle, desperate actually, and I guess I hardly have anything to lose by asking. To be honest, life right now seems almost too unbearable, and I feel guilty for my lack of strength. Even though I am constantly trying to reorient myself to an eternal perspective, comfort is still so often elusive. What kind of witness is that?

I’ve struggled for a long time with being gay. It seems so unlike the “average” sin or struggle. Just about any type of sin I can think of—greed, gossip, self-centeredness, discontent … all of those are things I hate and want to be rid of. Even when I’m tempted to indulge in them I hate that they are a part of me in any way.

But this, being gay, I cannot understand why it is wrong. I believe the Bible is clear that it is, so I have committed to rejecting the lifestyle, but it so often makes me sad.

You say the feelings are not wrong but just the actions. So can I be in love with someone of the same sex and be pure? Is sex the only thing restricted? What about any level of affection? Is hugging a friend okay but not someone I’m attracted to? How do I draw the line?