Overcoming Blocks To Forgiveness Series

3. Labeling

The Scarlet Letter is about Hester Prynne who is forced to have a scarlet letter of A (Adultery) on her clothing at all times. Imagine having on our clothing all of our sins embroidered for all to see. In our day this would be ridiculous but we do something similar when we label people. How are people to overcome their sins and failings of their past if we constantly bring them up again and again? It is like we are putting a scarlet letter that can never be removed.

Yes, people do have personalities and attitudes that are uniquely their own. But it is also true that people act not just according to what they think of themselves, but according to what they think others think about them. It is like the child that is always told that he/she is stupid. It becomes a self fulfilling prophecy. If we treat our spouse as if he or she has a particular quality, that quality will continually show itself. If that quality really was there to begin with, it will be displayed more often just because of the expectations.

This does not mean that we are responsible for traits of our spouse that are hurtful or undesirable. Each person is ultimately responsible for his or her own feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. But if we are stuck in our effort to forgive our spouse, we would do well to consider whether we are reinforcing certain attitudes or behaviors because of our labels.

If used labels as weapons against my mate during an argument or discussion, we need to apologize and seek to repent of this. Let them know that this label is unfair and we should act more considerately. Need to challenge the validity of these labels.

There is power and authority in our words. Adam's first assignment was to name the animals. We wrongly use this authority when we assign negative labels to people. When we give them bad names. “The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.” Proverbs 18:21, NIV.

“For as he thinketh in his heart, so is he...” Proverbs 23:7, KJV. Keep hearing these labels from loved ones long enough, we tend to become them.

“Unforgiving” because of a label. Watch out for “Always,” and “Never”. Unable to move on

4. Inability to forgive oneself.

A. First Corinthians 13:5, Love "keeps no record of wrongs" (NIV). “No record" means not to reckon or impute. The word is important to Paul's doctrine of justification by faith. For the Christian, his faith is "credited" to him as righteousness (see Rom. 4:5). This is the same word used in 1 Corinthians 13:5. Forgiving oneself means to experience the love that keeps no record of our own wrongs. It is one thing to have this breakthrough regarding others; it is quite another to experience the greater breakthrough—forgiving ourselves. Many have trouble because of:

Anger. We may be angry with ourselves. Look at the Old Testament story of Joseph. As a type of Christ, Joseph said to his brothers, "'And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you'" (Gen. 45:5). These brothers were beginning to get the message that Joseph had forgiven them; he didn't want them to be angry with themselves. That is the way God forgives. Jesus does not want us to be angry with ourselves for our sins. Not forgiving ourselves is self-hatred. Joseph's brothers had hated themselves for selling Joseph into slavery. They could not take back what they had done. Some Christians who can't forgive themselves are, underneath it all, angry with themselves.