No More Manipulation, Guilt-Tripping And Fear-Mongering

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Message

Ephesians 5:21-33

No More Manipulation, Guilt-Tripping and Fear-Mongering

In 2 Timothy 3:16-17 we are told what God wants to achieve through the Scriptures.

16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, 17 so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.

Through the book we are taught what is holy living and what is sin. Through the book we are rebuked when our lives do not conform to the will of God. Through the book we are corrected and put onto the path of behaviour for our daily Christian life. Through the book we are trained to apply the Word of God so that we have a greater ability to walk in the ways of God and do what is pleasing to Him.

That is what Scripture, when properly applied, does. You know what Scripture properly applied does not do …

… it doesn’t manipulate – it tells us the truth of our situation – but it doesn’t manipulate.

… it doesn’t use guilt-trips – it does tell us we are guilty – but for the purposes of us to understand the grace of God.

… it doesn’t resort to a fear campaign – of course we should fear God and stand in awe of Him – but with the purpose of coming to him in confession and repentance.

That is a very quick summary of the results of Scripture being properly … and not being properly … applied.

Now I want us to turn to Ephesians 5:21-33 and read this section

What we have before us is a passage that, too often, has been used to manipulate, guilt-trip and cause fear.

Let’s consider these verses from the perspective of women.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands.

The husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church.

Wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

In this context the word “submit” means:- To voluntarily arrange under.

Sadly, too often, the improper application of these verses has led to very ungodly outcomes.

A wife who is just a servant.

A woman who just has to put up with the whim of her husband.

A complete loss of identity.

A justification to put up with and accept emotional or physical abuse.

That is what happens when these verses are manipulated, and guilt-tripped and fear driven.

What about from the perspective of men.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.

We live in a world that has some pretty set views on how men should “love their wives”.

More and more there are men who say, how can I lead my wife in such a way that I expect her to submit. I don’t have the capacity. I am not up to the task. I don’t want that responsibility. I can’t show love the way I am expected to show love.

Indeed our world increasingly gives the impression that the love of men is so unimportant that sometimes no man in the family is better than a man in the family. Men don’t know how to love like woman know how to love – so get out of the way.

That is what happens when these verses are manipulated, and guilt-tripped and fear driven. But that is not what God wanted. These verses are here to teach, rebuke, correct and train in righteousness so we all may be equipped.

So let’s go back to the text again. We start with pointing out some grammatical observations … Greek grammar – you have to love it.

Grammatically the call for husbands to “love” their wives is in the Greek form which is an imperative … the form used to express a command.

Grammatically the call for wives to “submit” is not an imperative. The grammar of the word expresses “a continued action that I will voluntarily do.”

The only command here … indeed the only command in Ephesians 5:21-33 is “love your wives”.

No husband has been given the authority to say, “the Bible commands that you must submit” … because the Bible never makes such a command. To be perfectly frank if, as a husband, you need to resort to saying, “You must submit!” … at that point you haven’t understood what it means to “love your wives as Christ loved the church”.

Have a closer look at verse 24.

Now as the church submits to Christ,

so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Grammatically it is a parallel statement. See how the church submits to Christ. Wives that is the paradigm you use.

How does Christ treat his church … his bride?

Jesus gave himself up for the church … so that the church may be holy and blameless.