Marital Rocks And Hard Places

January 6, 2002

There is a strange dichotomy which exists on the sexual frontier in America. Recently Ann Landers received 100,000 responses to a question she asked her readers. She found that 72% of women said they would be content just to be held close and treated tenderly and forget about the sex act.

The dichotomy is stated thusly:

In a culture pervasive with, and arguably obsessed by sex -- sex is not what the average person desires most.

The Disturbing Trends of our Culture’s Worldview

This dichotomy highlights a disturbing truth – God created sex and marriage, and today’s culture misses God’s purpose by a mile. Just this week I received two postcards in the mail. The slick, brightly-colored first card read:

Now, Russell Brownworth, you can receive the next

12 issues of PLAYBOY at 60% off the regular rate.

Great reading at discount prices!

Great reading – yeah…right!

The second card was almost stuck behind the first. The look was the same, and it was also colorful; it was a subscription ad for the monthly magazine of the Christian Organization, Men of Integrity. Hugh Heffner is NOT a member – trust me!

It was a reminder to me, a Christian man, how dark the darkness is in our generation. To stand in our society today with purity and integrity as your goals means you stand out like a naked sheep at a wolves’ convention. It is not for those in love with the comfort zone!

Each day my computer speaks to me – Welcome, you’ve got mail. When I look over the list of messages there are always several from sites your grandmother never told you about. I have been invited to participate in things my truck-driving father-in-law never heard about.

The television screen has become a sexual minefield in American pop culture. The obsession to push the envelope seems to grow each week. The envelope of homosexuality as an acceptable alternative lifestyle was ripped open by Ellen DeGeneres, an openly lesbian comedian. RoseAnn Barr helped that along with “the kiss”. Friends is a show that “normalizes” hetero/homosexual friendships.

Media pop culture caricatures of Christianity routinely include depicting clergy and committed lay believers as buffoons, prudes – Victorian leftovers, hopelessly out of touch with the real world.

Each time (it seems) those who are driving the pop culture wheels want to push the envelope, the word “groundbreaking” is used. It truly is breaking new ground, and we are planting a sexual obsession crop, from which we will reap the whirlwind of judgment.

If it’s NOT all about sex – what DO we want?

Down in the human heart what is craved is intimacy! God created us in his own image. When He said “it is not good that the man should be alone” (Gen 2.18a), He was making a statement about himself. We are just like almighty God, in that intimacy of relationship is our primary need.

That is why pop culture is so off-base when it presents sex as the primary avenue to happiness. Many young people today have marriage blow up in their faces because they’ve been convinced/trained that romance is the substance of human relationships. It is a perverse worldview.

A pastor visited the fourth-grade Sunday School class to talk about marriage. He asked the class, "What does God say about marriage?" Immediately one boy replied, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Today that is not a funny thing. It is a sadly accurate commentary on the world’s view of marriage.

TELL ME A BETTER WAY

I have spent a few frustrating Christmas eves putting together toys. One year I put together a swing set that had assembly directions which, I’m positively certain, the devil himself wrote. I recall crying out (about 2am) There has to be a better way!

When it comes to marriage, sex, and the better way, God wrote the directions; he sent them to us in a letter written by a good friend of mine. The directions contain instructions for questions that you face when you are between the marital rock and hard place.

WHAT TO DO ABOUT PURITY

1Now about the questions you asked in your letter. Yes, it is good to live a celibate life. 2But because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband. First Corinthians 7.1-2 -- The New Living Translation

One pastor summed up the skewed notion the world has: that Christians are against sex. Wrong. We are very much for sex in the right context, in the context of marriage. As someone said, "Sex is like fire. In the fireplace, it’s warm and delightful. Outside of the fireplace, it’s destructive."

A good relationship with one’s spouse prevents sexual immorality. Paul would agree with the fellow who said, "I’m not tempted to steal a Ford Escort parked on the street because I have a Lincoln Continental at home in the garage."