Leadership In The Home

"’Now fear the LORD and serve him with all faithfulness. Throw away the gods your forefathers worshiped beyond the River and in Egypt, and serve the LORD. But if serving the LORD seems undesirable to you, then choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your forefathers served beyond the River, or the gods of the Amorites, in whose land you are living. But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.’" – Joshua 24:14-15 (NIV)

Did you catch that? "As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." Joshua took it as a given that it was his responsibility to lead his family in serving and worshiping God. Why don’t men do this? Some just have no interest in spiritual things. But often, they just feel inadequate. They may feel that their wives excel them spiritually, that their wives know more about the Bible than they do. They’re afraid of looking awkward and foolish. But the answer, men, is not to flee, to abandon your God-given responsibilities. The answer is to read, and study, and listen, and ask your pastor questions, so that you are competent to do what God has called you to do, which is to be your family’s teacher and spiritual leader.

All right. Now that we’ve established what God expects of husbands, let me address some of the resistance that women often have to this idea of the husband’s headship. And let me start by saying that I’m convinced very few wives would object to their husbands exercising true Biblical leadership. But what they do react against is the sinful perversion of godly leadership that’s all too common, even in Christian marriages.

The first perversion of Biblical headship is the tyrant, the dictator who rules his home with an iron fist. This man’s idea of leadership is marching around the house, barking out orders like a little Napoleon. Or perhaps he prefers to bark out orders from the comfort of his Barcalounger. He is selfish and demanding. Everyone in the household exists to meet his needs. Any failure to carry out his wishes is dealt with harshly. Not surprisingly, these marriages and families are full of anger, fear, and resentment. Ladies, if you are grew up in such a home, or you live in such a home, it is no wonder if the idea of submitting to a husband’s headship fills you with dread instead of delight.

The other perversion of Biblical headship is the slug. The wimp. The invisible man. The husband who has abdicated the throne, who is AWOL from his wife and family. The household may be in turmoil, his wife may be at her wit’s end, but he is oblivious. She desperately tries to engage him in their marriage and family, but his only response is to stare slackjawed at the TV, or retreat into his workshop, or run away to go golfing. He refuses to take action, refuses to make a decision, refuses to get involved. He’s a leader who won’t lead. "Whatever you say, dear" is his favorite reply. He thinks he’s being such a nice, agreeable husband. But in reality he’s making his wife so frustrated that she’s in tears, because he refuses to exercise godly leadership.