It's All About People

Introduction

One interesting thing about people — they are everywhere. You can’t get away from them.

Think about your day today: the barista handing you your usual beet root kale smoothie. That driver who cut you off on the freeway. The e-mail you got earlier from a coworker. The text you sent to your spouse or parent this morning. People are in every corner of life.

You don’t always know how to live with them, and sometimes you don’t know how to live without them. They frustrate us because they refuse to change on our terms. We want them to do what we want, act like we think—sometimes they just won’t.

How many of you have someone in your life you wish would change? (Pause)

How many of you suspect somebody might be wishing you would change? (Pause)

The tension is real—and reciprocal. We want them to fit into our box, and they resist. Yet there’s someone else out there who looks at us and says, “Why won’t you change?” The problem is that we view ourselves through rose-colored lenses and view others under a magnifying glass.

But God gives us a different script. Romans 12:16 says:

> “Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but readily adjust yourself to people and give yourselves to humble tasks. Never overestimate yourself or be wise in your own conceits.”

In other words: instead of trying to get everybody else to adjust, we should learn, day by day by the Spirit, how to adjust ourselves toward others.

If your goal is to be used by God, then you must maintain peace in your life. Without peace, the flow of God’s anointing is blocked.

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1. Peace Depends on What We Control — or Don’t

I heard a testimony once: a married couple was so busy arguing over how to load the dishwasher that they nearly missed the worship service. The husband insisted on stacking plates vertically; the wife, horizontally. Days later, they realized the battle was never about dishes — it was about control.

Control is the root of many relationship struggles:

I want you to change.

I want you to act the way I believe is right.

If you don’t—there’s no excuse in my book.

Here’s a more modern illustration: social media and smartphones. Suppose you see a close friend posting something you don’t agree with. You send them a long message, maybe even a “truth bomb,” demanding they rethink. They respond poorly. Then you block or mute them. You think: If they were spiritual, they’d see it my way. But what do you look like to them?

We constantly want to control how others think, feel, respond, and live. The only problem is—they often try to do the same with us.

But Scripture says: control is not your job; peace is.

Romans 12:18: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

You can’t force peace on someone else, but you can do what depends on you. Sometimes that means stepping back. Sometimes that means releasing them to God.

When Paul and Barnabas couldn’t agree on whom to bring on a missionary journey, they parted ways. It would’ve been better if they’d stayed together—but God used both of them separately. The point: peace matters more than endless friction.

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2. Balance in Adaptation — Not Always Giving In

When I say “adapt to people,” I don’t mean you should always give in. You can’t do that. That’s spiritual abuse masquerading as “selflessness.”

Some people become door mats; others become dictators. The danger lies in living out of balance. One side says “never compromise,” the other says “always compromise.” The Spirit’s wise path is somewhere in between.

1 Peter 5:8 warns us: “Be self-controlled and alert, because your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion…”

If you slip out of balance, the enemy walks right in.

So how do we find that center? By staying connected to God, letting the Spirit guide our adjustments with both wisdom and conviction.

Let me give you a present-day example: a friend of mine works in a high-stress corporate environment. She’s naturally strong-willed. A coworker kept undermining her in meetings. She prayed, listened to the Spirit, and chose to initiate a private conversation — expressing respect, acknowledging his good points, then clarifying boundaries. She didn’t publicly humiliate him, yet she also didn’t submit to constant degradation. Over time, the tension softened.

That is balance: humility without submission to injustice; firmness without self-righteousness.

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3. Sometimes the Kindest Move Is Letting Go

There is a hard truth: you can’t fix people. Sometimes you help them—to a point—but at some stage, you must let go.

We’ve all seen it: an adult child, addicted to something, always asking for bailouts. A friend spiraling into drama, always depending on you to rescue them. A spouse insisting on control over your choices.