Introduction
One interesting thing about people — they are everywhere. You can’t get away from them.
Think about your day today: the barista handing you your usual beet root kale smoothie. That driver who cut you off on the freeway. The e-mail you got earlier from a coworker. The text you sent to your spouse or parent this morning. People are in every corner of life.
You don’t always know how to live with them, and sometimes you don’t know how to live without them. They frustrate us because they refuse to change on our terms. We want them to do what we want, act like we think—sometimes they just won’t.
How many of you have someone in your life you wish would change? (Pause)
How many of you suspect somebody might be wishing you would change? (Pause)
The tension is real—and reciprocal. We want them to fit into our box, and they resist. Yet there’s someone else out there who looks at us and says, “Why won’t you change?” The problem is that we view ourselves through rose-colored lenses and view others under a magnifying glass.
But God gives us a different script. Romans 12:16 says:
> “Live in harmony with one another; do not be haughty, but readily adjust yourself to people and give yourselves to humble tasks. Never overestimate yourself or be wise in your own conceits.”
In other words: instead of trying to get everybody else to adjust, we should learn, day by day by the Spirit, how to adjust ourselves toward others.
If your goal is to be used by God, then you must maintain peace in your life. Without peace, the flow of God’s anointing is blocked.
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1. Peace Depends on What We Control — or Don’t
I heard a testimony once: a married couple was so busy arguing over how to load the dishwasher that they nearly missed the worship service. The husband insisted on stacking plates vertically; the wife, horizontally. Days later, they realized the battle was never about dishes — it was about control.
Control is the root of many relationship struggles:
I want you to change.
I want you to act the way I believe is right.
If you don’t—there’s no excuse in my book.
Here’s a more modern illustration: social media and smartphones. Suppose you see a close friend posting something you don’t agree with. You send them a long message, maybe even a “truth bomb,” demanding they rethink. They respond poorly. Then you block or mute them. You think: If they were spiritual, they’d see it my way. But what do you look like to them?
We constantly want to control how others think, feel, respond, and live. The only problem is—they often try to do the same with us.
But Scripture says: control is not your job; peace is.
Romans 12:18: “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”
You can’t force peace on someone else, but you can do what depends on you. Sometimes that means stepping back. Sometimes that means releasing them to God.
When Paul and Barnabas couldn’t agree on whom to bring on a missionary journey, they parted ways. It would’ve been better if they’d stayed together—but God used both of them separately. The point: peace matters more than endless friction.
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2. Balance in Adaptation — Not Always Giving In
When I say “adapt to people,” I don’t mean you should always give in. You can’t do that. That’s spiritual abuse masquerading as “selflessness.”
Some people become door mats; others become dictators. The danger lies in living out of balance. One side says “never compromise,” the other says “always compromise.” The Spirit’s wise path is somewhere in between.
1 Peter 5:8 warns us: “Be self-controlled and alert, because your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion…”
If you slip out of balance, the enemy walks right in.
So how do we find that center? By staying connected to God, letting the Spirit guide our adjustments with both wisdom and conviction.
Let me give you a present-day example: a friend of mine works in a high-stress corporate environment. She’s naturally strong-willed. A coworker kept undermining her in meetings. She prayed, listened to the Spirit, and chose to initiate a private conversation — expressing respect, acknowledging his good points, then clarifying boundaries. She didn’t publicly humiliate him, yet she also didn’t submit to constant degradation. Over time, the tension softened.
That is balance: humility without submission to injustice; firmness without self-righteousness.
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3. Sometimes the Kindest Move Is Letting Go
There is a hard truth: you can’t fix people. Sometimes you help them—to a point—but at some stage, you must let go.
We’ve all seen it: an adult child, addicted to something, always asking for bailouts. A friend spiraling into drama, always depending on you to rescue them. A spouse insisting on control over your choices.
If the giving never stops, the other person never has to grow. And you risk being entangled, losing your own focus, missing what God has for you.
Here’s a contemporary illustration: imagine someone who constantly calls you at 2 a.m. for emotional crises, every few nights. They’ve had years of therapy, counseling, encouragement—but never make changes. You begin to dread your phone. The best help may be to set boundaries: “I love you, I’ll pray for you, but I won’t answer calls between midnight and 5 a.m.” That doesn’t mean you don’t care — it means you value your own capacity and trust God with them.
The greatest act of faith sometimes is to turn people over to God—to release them, pray for them, but refuse to manipulate or carry them as your responsibility.
We often want to control others. But far more spiritually mature is trusting God to do the work in them while we do what God calls us to do.
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4. People Are Imperfect — So Are Our Expectations
There is no perfect spouse, friend, pastor, coworker, or child. Every relationship will disappoint. Every person has flaws. We expect others to always understand us, comfort us, meet our needs—and when they don’t, we feel betrayed.
That is because we magnify flaws and minimize strengths. Instead of focusing on the good, we criticize the bad. Romans 12:21 tells us: “Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
In relationships, that translates into focusing affirmation, not only correction. Tell others what you appreciate. Don’t merely nag about what they’re doing wrong.
In a marriage conference recently, a young couple shared that they began a “five compliments a day” rule.
Whenever things felt tense, they each had to say five things they appreciated about the other. Over months, tension melted—not perfectly, but significantly.
Many people desire to be seen, not fixed. They need gratitude more than correction.
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5. Relationships Go Through Seasons
Friendships and relationships evolve. What once fit perfectly may no longer. That doesn’t always mean someone is “bad”—it could simply be that a season has passed, and God is preparing you for new relationships.
Think about high school friends. You were deeply connected then. Ten, fifteen years later, you’ve both changed—jobs, family, values—and staying close requires more effort. Some drift gently apart, and that’s okay.
Ecclesiastes says: “There is a time for everything.” (Eccl. 3) Letting go of one season doesn’t diminish what it was. It honors it.
You may keep someone in your life, but the dynamics shift. Or you may release them entirely—if the relationship becomes destructive rather than constructive.
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6. What We Want in Others vs. What God Wants for Us
Earlier, I told you: it’s not your job to change people — that’s God’s. Your job is to pray, trust, act in love.
How do we live this out?
Pray for God to move in their hearts—not for you to manipulate them.
Speak truth with humility, not arrogance.
Walk away when continuing the fight costs your integrity or peace.
Choose to magnify what is good in them—even if small.
Ask God to bring to you relationships that align with His will, not simply your desires.
Let me share a recent, real-life example. A pastor friend of mine had a church member who repeatedly caused drama. He confronted him lovingly multiple times. The member refused to change—and spread rumors about the pastor.
The pastor prayed. He released the person. He kept loving him, but not allowing him to hurt others or drag the church in turmoil. Over time, some in that member’s life began to see the contrast and chose a healthier path.
That is mature love—not naive, not co-dependent, but spiritually empowered.
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7. Application: How Do You Begin to Change This Week?
I don’t want to leave you with theory. Here are practical steps you can begin now:
A. Ask yourself: Who in my life do I desperately want to change?
Write their name. Identify what you’ve been demanding them to do differently.
B. Ask: What part of that is my job, and what part is God’s?
You can influence. You cannot control. Let God handle the heart.
C. Start with yourself.
Where can you humble yourself?
Where can you adjust without compromising conviction?
Where have you refused to forgive, released, or release control?
D. Begin affirmations.
Each day, speak one positive truth to that person — an appreciation, an encouragement. Do not wait for them to be perfect.
E. Pray daily.
Ask God: “Father, help me live in peace with this person. Teach me when to speak, when to step back, when to let go.”
Release them to God.
F. Guard your space.
Set boundaries where needed—time, emotional investment, verbal interaction.
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Closing / Conclusion
It’s all about people. The heart of our Christian walk is not just between me and God, but how I live with others, how I adjust, how I love, how I forgive, how I let go.
You can never control another’s heart—but you can control how you respond. Peace is possible when you surrender the need to control, when you pursue balance, when you magnify good, when you know seasons shift, when you trust God with the parts beyond your reach.
As you leave today, carry this one sentence in your heart:
> “I will do what depends on me — love humbly, affirm gratefully, forgive freely — and leave the rest to God.”
Let me pray with you:
> Father, I thank You for every person You have placed in our lives — those who bless us, those who wound us, those whom we don’t understand. Help us to grow in humility, to adapt not in weakness but in strength, to let go when it’s time, and to release control. Teach us to love with Your heart, to magnify what is good, and to entrust the rest to You. May Your peace reign in our relationships. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
