Imperfect Mothers

IMPERFECT MOTHERS

When we look back and see the TV shows like Leave it to Beaver or Brady Bunch we get the image of the perfect mom. She never gets frustrated, she always looks her best, the kids are always good, her husband adores her; all that happy stuff. Then you compare that with how things are in your life and you're left crying on the couch eating ice cream. News flash-there are no perfect mothers. But that doesn't stop all those 'regular' moms from trying to live up to that image. It's time to stop beating yourself up and realize that all moms are imperfect.

1) You're doing better than you think you are.

It's so easy to be critical of yourself and conclude that you're doing a terrible job as a mother. You mean well but there are times when it doesn't come across so perfectly. [Have You Eaten].

Even though TV shows have gotten away from the wholesome programming it once was, I like the fact that some of the shows about family life are closer to reality then they used to be. Shows like Malcolm in the Middle or The Middle portray the ups and downs of trying to manage a family while trying to maintain a certain amount of sanity in the process.

Sometimes mom compares herself to her own mother or grandmother. You marveled at how they were able to do everything so well. You admired how they could hold the family together and then you look at yourself in comparison and you get discouraged because you feel you can't do anything as well as they did.

Not that it's wrong to try to be like mom or grandma but the reality is you're not supposed to be like them; you're your own person with your own gifts and abilities. Just because you're not exactly like your mom doesn't mean you're not a good mom.

Margot Starbuck wrote, "The pieces of my unique story—being raised by a mother who'd lost her own mother as a toddler—fell into place, oddly enough, while browsing through popular women's magazines from the 1940s and 50s. As a nation desperately tried to regain "normalcy" in the wake of war, the idealized mothers symbolized the domestic anchor of stability.

"Perfect" mothers, a la June Cleaver, raised perfect children and kept perfect homes—ideally wielding a shiny new Hoover vacuum cleaner. That perfect mother is the one who guided my grandmother as she raised the girl who raised me. Even today we can still cling to an idealized, and often unattainable, version of motherhood.

So, keenly aware of my own imperfections, I'll likely squirm on Mother's Day if praise is lauded on those of us who have raised, or are raising, children. For days, TV ads will have featured glimpses of sacrificial mothers who ask for no more than a four-dollar greeting card as thanks for squeezing out a kid, changing his diapers, preparing meals and cleaning toilets.

Though I've grudgingly done all those things, the more pressing awareness with which I live—and perhaps my children do as well—is of the areas where I fail. Like all mothers, I do the best I can. Sometimes I succeed.

So while I'll probably bristle at any prayers blanketing me as the giver of noble sacrificial mother-love, I'll find myself included in ones that ask God to help mothers love like He loved us. Especially when we fail. On Mother's Day, the best we can do is keep it real."

In keeping it real moms accept that they are imperfect; that they're going to make mistakes. There are times when you realize you could've handled the situation better but it's best to accept that you didn't and move on.

And what will help you to do that is when you realize that there are also plenty of incidents you handle very well. Many times that, had you not been there, things would've been worse. Balance the times when you dropped the ball with the times you saved the day.

There were imperfect mothers in the bible too. Remember Sarah? She was getting impatient and wondering if the son God promised her and Abraham would ever come. So, she gave her servant Hagar to Abraham. And because she didn't have more patience and faith her decision backfired. When Ishmael was born it caused a rift between Sarah and Hagar. And then Sarah had her own son, Isaac. But there came a time when things got ugly.

Gen. 21:8-11, "The child grew and was weaned, and on the day Isaac was weaned Abraham held a great feast. But Sarah saw that the son whom Hagar the Egyptian had borne to Abraham was mocking, and she said to Abraham, “Get rid of that slave woman and her son, for that slave woman’s son will never share in the inheritance with my son Isaac.” The matter distressed Abraham greatly because it concerned his son."