Husbands, Wives And The Secret Of A Successful Marriage

“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” [1]

The Word of God is not a series of verses, though that is too often the way we read it. This Word is a revelation of the will of God for His people. As such, the Word is at times narrative, revealing the manner in which the people of God lived under various conditions throughout the ages. It speaks of their confusion and of their response, their victories and their defeats, but always the Word reveals God’s love for His people. At other times, the Word of God is poetry—now praising God and now pouring out complaints because the writer does not understand God’s way. The vast majority of the New Testament consists of letters, each presenting instruction necessary for our welfare and for growth in grace and knowledge of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.

I fear that the passage before us has too often been read in isolation, as though it was somehow intended to stand alone. Of course, the passage is complete in one sense, but Peter’s intent cannot be understood if it is isolated from the whole of the letter. Peter, writing Jewish Christians of the Diaspora, exalts the call each believer has received from our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Beyond this, several themes stand out.

Peter develops a theology of suffering. This is necessary since Christians are themselves sinners who once lived in darkness. Having been redeemed, Peter intently scrutinises the churches. You realise that he is writing congregations who form living temples of God, whose members share together in teaching and service, and who are characterised by deep love for one another. People forming the Temple of God are marked by mutual respect, which is not always evident in the darkened world about them.

The other strong emphasis throughout this letter is on Christian conduct. In particular, Peter is concerned with practical holiness. How we live reveals the presence of Christ among us. Nowhere is this more certain than in our homes. Christians husbands and wives are on the front lines of life; dying people are watching Christians, both men and women, to see the reality of Christ’s presence.

THE KEY TO UNDERSTANDING THE PASSAGE ARE PETER’S WORDS, “IN THE SAME WAY…” The key to understanding Peter’s teaching concerning the Christian home, and in particular the respective roles of wives and husbands, is the phrase, “in the same way.” You will notice that for both wives and husbands Peter uses this phrase. “Wives, in the same way…” [VERSE ONE]. “Husbands, in the same way…” [VERSE SEVEN].

“In the same way…” These words take us back to the preceding chapter, and serve to tie together the instructions for both husbands and wives. Early in the second chapter, Peter focuses on the church in an institutional sense. At that point in the letter he informs us that Christians are “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession” [1 PETER 2:9]. Thus, “as sojourners and exiles,” they are to “abstain from the passions of the flesh” [1 PETER 2:10]. In fact, Christians are admonished, “Continue to live such upright lives among the gentiles that, when they slander you as practicers of evil, they may see your good actions and glorify God when he visits them” [1 PETER 2:12 ISV].

1 PETER 2:13 is the beginning of an entire section on the manner in which Christians are to live “good lives.” Throughout this section you will notice a recurring command—submit. “For the Lord’s sake submit yourselves to every human authority: whether to the king as supreme [1 PETER 2:13 ISV]. Though some of us may feel as though we are slaves, Peter addresses each of us who work in our contemporary social setting, writing, “Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect” [1 PETER 2:18]. The passage will conclude with a final plea which is issued to “all of you.” He writes, “Finally, all of you must live in harmony, be sympathetic, love as brothers, and be compassionate and humble” [1 PETER 3:8]. Between are the words of our text.