“Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct. Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear—but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.
“Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” [1]
The Word of God is not a series of verses, though that is too often the way we read it. This Word is a revelation of the will of God for His people. As such, the Word is at times narrative, revealing the manner in which the people of God lived under various conditions throughout the ages. It speaks of their confusion and of their response, their victories and their defeats, but always the Word reveals God’s love for His people. At other times, the Word of God is poetry—now praising God and now pouring out complaints because the writer does not understand God’s way. The vast majority of the New Testament consists of letters, each presenting instruction necessary for our welfare and for growth in grace and knowledge of our Lord and Saviour, Jesus Christ.
I fear that the passage before us has too often been read in isolation, as though it was somehow intended to stand alone. Of course, the passage is complete in one sense, but Peter’s intent cannot be understood if it is isolated from the whole of the letter. Peter, writing Jewish Christians of the Diaspora, exalts the call each believer has received from our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ. Beyond this, several themes stand out.
Peter develops a theology of suffering. This is necessary since Christians are themselves sinners who once lived in darkness. Having been redeemed, Peter intently scrutinises the churches. You realise that he is writing congregations who form living temples of God, whose members share together in teaching and service, and who are characterised by deep love for one another. People forming the Temple of God are marked by mutual respect, which is not always evident in the darkened world about them.
The other strong emphasis throughout this letter is on Christian conduct. In particular, Peter is concerned with practical holiness. How we live reveals the presence of Christ among us. Nowhere is this more certain than in our homes. Christians husbands and wives are on the front lines of life; dying people are watching Christians, both men and women, to see the reality of Christ’s presence.
THE KEY TO UNDERSTANDING THE PASSAGE ARE PETER’S WORDS, “IN THE SAME WAY…” The key to understanding Peter’s teaching concerning the Christian home, and in particular the respective roles of wives and husbands, is the phrase, “in the same way.” You will notice that for both wives and husbands Peter uses this phrase. “Wives, in the same way…” [VERSE ONE]. “Husbands, in the same way…” [VERSE SEVEN].
“In the same way…” These words take us back to the preceding chapter, and serve to tie together the instructions for both husbands and wives. Early in the second chapter, Peter focuses on the church in an institutional sense. At that point in the letter he informs us that Christians are “a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession” [1 PETER 2:9]. Thus, “as sojourners and exiles,” they are to “abstain from the passions of the flesh” [1 PETER 2:10]. In fact, Christians are admonished, “Continue to live such upright lives among the gentiles that, when they slander you as practicers of evil, they may see your good actions and glorify God when he visits them” [1 PETER 2:12 ISV].
1 PETER 2:13 is the beginning of an entire section on the manner in which Christians are to live “good lives.” Throughout this section you will notice a recurring command—submit. “For the Lord’s sake submit yourselves to every human authority: whether to the king as supreme [1 PETER 2:13 ISV]. Though some of us may feel as though we are slaves, Peter addresses each of us who work in our contemporary social setting, writing, “Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect” [1 PETER 2:18]. The passage will conclude with a final plea which is issued to “all of you.” He writes, “Finally, all of you must live in harmony, be sympathetic, love as brothers, and be compassionate and humble” [1 PETER 3:8]. Between are the words of our text.
Submission is the rule for husbands as well as wives. Indeed, submission is the rule for all who are Christians. A submissive attitude demonstrates that we are different from the inhabitants of this dying world. Therefore, whatever I have to say will provide practical instruction to wives on how to be submissive and will provide practical instruction to husbands on how to be submissive. Above all else, Peter is concerned that both husbands and wives will honour God through resisting the allure of the world to exalt self, instead embracing the respective roles which God assigns.
THE CHARACTERISTICS OF A GODLY WIFE — The principle of expecting submission of a wife is not a matter of human convention, but it is rather the order which the Creator has established. We have seen this principle repeatedly expounded in previous expositions of the Word. You need but recall the Apostle’s first Corinthian letter to see this principle fully stated. “I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God… For man was not made from woman, but woman from man… Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man… [F]or as woman was made from man, so man is now born of woman. And all things are from God” [1 CORINTHIANS 11:3, 8-9, 12].
The Apostle Peter advances the expectation of a wife’s submission to her own husband to another level, however, applying it to a wife who is married to a pagan. “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct” [1 PETER 3:1-2]. In fact, through the submissive spirit, a wife has opportunity to bring her husband to the Faith. This is in contrast to what wives often think is needed to bring their husbands to faith in the Son of God—preaching.
Peter seemingly invests considerably more time in addressing the responsibility of wives than he does in VERSE SEVEN of the text or than does Paul in EPHESIANS 5:22-24. The reason for this appears to be that a believing woman is more likely to be married to a non-believer than is a believing man. Women tend to be more sensitive to the call of the Spirit of God, and without question, many women become believers after marriage. A woman who believes is faced with a monumental task in bringing her husband to faith in the Risen Lord of Glory. It is not likely, almost impossible, that she could ever win her husband to the Faith by pleading, by nagging, or by preaching.
It is a tragic truth that Christian women often marry non-Christian men. My pastoral policy is that I will not perform a wedding for two non-Christians, nor will I agree to participate in a marriage between a Christian and a non-Christian. Guidance for this policy is provided by the instruction the Apostle gave to the Corinthians when he wrote, “A wife is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord” [1 CORINTHIANS 7:39]. Paul’s admonition to us who follow the Saviour, “Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers” [2 CORINTHIANS 6:14a], must surely apply in this instance. I’m quite convinced that I must not participate in the union of a believer to an outsider.
Though some have argued that the policy is arbitrary, the rule I follow is that I restrict my services of joining a couple in matrimony to members of the congregation I serve. Alternatively, I ask that the couple’s own minister assure me that he is aware of their desire to be married under my direction and that he be in agreement. Consequently, I do not receive many opportunities to conduct wedding ceremonies.
In the years of my service in Canada (now exceeding four decades), I cannot recall one instance in which a Christian man has approached me seeking marriage to a non-Christian woman. Never has a Christian man ever approached me with a request to perform a wedding to a non-Christian woman. On the other hand, it is distressingly common that Christian women have approached me asking that I perform a wedding to a non-Christian man. When I counsel such young women, they almost inevitably tell me that their fiancé will change after they are married—they just know he will! They frequently tell me that they are even then working on him to change him.
I have concluded that women harbour the thought that they will change a man after marriage. Given the most favourable of circumstances, not often does such transformation happen. I have witnessed instances when men pretended to become a Christian until they were married, and then they dropped the charade. Fortunately, I was not party to any such marriages, but I have watched others perform such weddings. It must be stated boldly that women who harbour the thought that they will change a man are deluding themselves. Though such may happen, the exception proves the rule.
Women seem more often to be in the situation, whatever the reason, of being united to non-Christian husbands, and Peter does not hesitate to address that situation. I do not wish to leave the impression that the situation of a Christian woman married to a non-Christian man is hopeless. Peter is quite bold in stating that there is hope. That woman must determine that she will adopt a godly strategy if she wishes to hold out hope of seeing her husband saved. In short, the responsibility to be godly is identical for a Christian woman—whether married to a Christian or a pagan. She is to be a godly wife. What characteristics would mark the life of a godly wife? Peter lists four such characteristics in this passage. Two characteristics are RESPECT and PURITY [VERSE TWO].
In the text before us this day, you will note that Peter has in view a husband who persistently rejects the Word. The assumption is that both husband and wife have been confronted with the call of Christ. The wife has accepted that call, but the husband continues to reject that same call. Literally, the husband is unpersuaded. [2] In such an environment of antagonism, the wife is to endeavour to honour Christ through her manner of life without oral pleas. Instead of trying to coax and argue her husband into becoming a Christ Follower, she will be more effective by quietly living out the saving power of the Gospel. The thought is that if the husband cannot be reached with the authoritative spoken word of the Gospel, he may be reached through his wife’s silent demonstration of its transforming power in her own life. This is not a guaranteed outcome; rather, it is a principle that may be observed when put into practise.
Whatever else may be certain, we know that purity should mark each Christian’s life. This position is assuredly advanced in the Philippian letter. “Whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things” [PHILIPPIANS 4:8].
You may recall that Paul counselled older women to teach young women to be pure [TITUS 2:5]. A pure life is evidence of divine wisdom [see JAMES 3:17]. Living in anticipation of the return of Christ purifies one’s life [see 1 JOHN 3:3].
Coupled to this purity of life is reverence toward God. This is not a call to become a plastic saint; it is rather a call to hold God in awe. A life of devotion to the cause of Christ, familiarity with the Word of God, prayerfully seeking the will of God, and worshipping the Lord are evidence of reverence toward God. The literal term that Peter employs is “fear.” To hold God in fear is not to cringe before Him; but it is rather to be in awe of Him. To fear God is to hold an attitude of worship, to long to do what pleases Him and to long to spend time in His presence.
Discomfort in the presence of sin, refusal to sully one’s life, seeking to find what honours God, pursuing hard after God’s will, worshipping Him as God—these are the characteristics which mark a godly person. Peter states that such marks are more powerful in bringing an unbelieving husband to faith in the Son of God than are oral arguments. Purity and reverence are powerful for winning unrepentant husbands.
It was my wife’s godly demeanour which initially drew me to the Saviour. Converted during a revival meeting in Pasadena, Texas, she lived out her faith in those early days. The transformation was sufficiently great that I found myself drawn to read the Word and to consider the claims of Christ.
George Müller told of a wealthy man in Germany whose wife was a devout believer. This man was a heavy drinker, spending late nights in the tavern. She would send the servants to bed, stay up till he returned, receive him kindly and never scold him or complain. At times, she would even have to undress him and put him to bed.
One night in the tavern he said to his cronies, “I bet if we go to my house, my wife will be sitting up, waiting for me. She’ll come to the door, give us a royal welcome and even make supper for us, if I ask her.”
They were sceptical at first, but decided to go along and see.
Sure enough, she came to the door, received them courteously, and willingly agreed to make supper for them without the slightest trace of resentment.
After serving the men, she went off to her room. As soon as she had left, one of the men began to condemn the husband. “What kind of man are you to treat such a good woman so miserably?” The accuser got up without finishing his supper and left the house. Another did the same and another till they had all departed without eating the meal.
Within a half-hour, the husband became deeply convicted of his wickedness, and especially of his heartless treatment of his wife. He went to his wife’s room, asked her to pray for him, repented of his sins, and surrendered to Christ. From that time on, he became a devoted disciple of the Lord Jesus. Won without a word!
He then wrote, “Don’t be discouraged if you have to suffer from unconverted relatives. Perhaps very shortly the Lord may give you the desire of your heart, and answer your prayer for them. But in the meantime, seek to commend the truth, not by reproaching them on account of their behaviour toward you, but by manifesting toward them the meekness, gentleness and kindness of the Lord Jesus Christ” (George Müller). [3]
The second characteristic marking the life of a godly wife is “a gentle and quiet spirit” [VERSE FOUR]. Peter does not (contrary to the concepts of some within the Faith), argue against making oneself attractive. An old saying teaches that beauty is only skin deep—and that is accurate! However, there is no premium placed on ugly. Moreover, a winsome character makes up for a ton of makeup.
The force of the Apostle’s words leads to the undeniable conclusion that a wife should not depend upon outward beauty, but that rather she should be secure in her character, confident in her own person. She should work to develop “the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit.” I could wish that Christian people, and more particularly the members and adherents of this congregation, would cease emphasising physical beauty in our children. A woman is not more valuable because she possesses a curvaceous body or a symmetrical face. I could wish that we would commend our young children—both boys and girls—when they reveal a gentle and quiet spirit. Let us resolve to teach our young men to be manly, and our young ladies to be gracious and confident.
How is it that we are willing to acknowledge the words which God spoke to Samuel concerning the divine view of people while denying those very words in daily life? You do recall the words to which I refer? “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the LORD sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the LORD looks on the heart” [1 SAMUEL 16:7]. No one should ever imagine that Samuel’s words are restricted to kings or to young shepherd boys; rather, they are a revelation of God’s view of all mankind—even girls and women. God looks on the secrets of our hearts [cf. MATTHEW 6:4, 6, 18].
Ladies, the gentle and quiet spirit which Peter commends is that same strength of character which Jesus revealed in His own life. Perhaps you will recall the invitation of Jesus and His statement of His own character. “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls” [MATTHEW 11:28-29]. A godly woman does not depend upon a boisterous attitude and ostentatious displays; she is pure and reverent, gentle and quiet in her spirit.
Peter backs up his instruction through appeal to the example of the saintly women of the Old Testament [VV. 5-6]. Gentleness and a quiet sprit will lead a godly woman to be submissive toward her husband. Sarah referred to Abraham as kúrion—master. Peter apparently refers to GENESIS 18:12. There, Sarah speaks of Abram as her master—adon. These women were holy, not in the sense of being morally good, but in the sense of being called by God and inspired by His Spirit. They “hoped in God.”
The third characteristic of a godly wife is that she DOES GOOD [VERSE SIX]. Peter is likely writing to women who were not Jewish, for had they been Jewish they would have already been Sarah’s daughters. [4] Having come into the Faith they will prove their divine relationship to these “holy women who hoped in God” by doing good. The emphasis is upon actions, with a submissive spirit toward their husbands no doubt primarily in mind. Doing good is not the path to salvation; it is rather the evidence of salvation. A godly woman does good; her actions reveal Christ’s presence in her life. The sphere in which a married woman is to do good is particularly in regard to the marriage relation.
The final characteristic which Peter states as marking the life of a godly woman is that she “DOES NOT FEAR anything that is frightening” [VERSE SIX]. Godly wives are not to fear their husbands; rather, they are to fear God. Obedience to a husband should not arise from fear! If a wife trusts in God, she will not be afraid of anything that a pagan husband—or, for that matter, a Christian one who does not act in a Christian manner—may do to her. The fear of God is a positive attitude that is accompanied by hope in Him.
THE CHARACTERISTICS OF A GODLY HUSBAND — How many husbands go through the motions of saying prayers, only to discover that they have no answered prayers to which they can point. The final clause of Peter’s instructions should give every man pause if his prayer life is deficient. Gentlemen, the first place we should look when our prayers are unanswered is our relationship with our wives.
Peter speaks pointedly to the responsibilities of a husband toward his wife. Together with the instructions Paul provides in EPHESIANS 5:25-33 and COLOSSIANS 3:19, Peter provides a complete picture of a husband’s duties toward his wife. At a superficial level, husbands are expected to be considerate and respectful toward their wives. It will be helpful to note that Peter is addressing Christian husbands. These men are married to women recognised as “heirs” with them of “the grace of life.” Non-Christian men cannot expect to meet the standard, in part, because they haven’t the spiritual capacity to fulfil the divine mandate.
Though it is obvious that Peter has invested but one verse addressing husbands (and six verses addressing wives), men should not assume that he has little to say to them as husbands. There is a phrase which is repeated in the opening words of this verse which remind us that all that has preceded in the previous nineteen verses applies. “Likewise, husbands…” The Greek adverb omoíos is a means of comparison, and in this case indeed means “in the same way,” “similarly,” or “likewise,” as found in our text. The issue is submission for the sake of propriety. Husbands are to exhibit a submissive spirit toward all authority. This obviously means that husbands are to respect the laws of the nation. No Christian man should ever be guilty of abusing his wife. Likewise, no husband should rebel against his employers. There should be a submissive attitude.
Such an attitude of submission is not simply because it is commanded, nor because the consequences may be unpalatable. A husband should meet the law of avoiding abuse of his wife, not because of fear of legal consequences, but because he is under a higher law of honouring God. Likewise, a husband should not rebel against his employer simply because he fears being fired, but he should endeavour to fulfil the work assigned in godly fashion because in doing so he provides stability for his wife. This is but a practical application of the command under girding the text of a previous study. “Whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him [COLOSSIANS 3:17].
This is so important that I wish to take a moment longer to focus on this thought. Husbands owe a duty of respect to all mankind [cf. 1 PETER 2:13]. We recognise that a Christian husband does have authority over his wife, but it should be apparent from this passage that he is required to exercise his authority with proper deference. His is a delegated authority and not an authority by right. He holds his position by virtue of God’s appointment, and not by reason of superior ability or suitability. When men recognise that they have no authority except that which is granted [cf. JOHN 19:11], they will hold their authority as a responsibility and not as a right.
In fact, a proper understanding of a husband’s authority will lead him to discover what pleases the Lord who grants him his position. When he has researched that responsibility, the discerning husband will discover that he is to be understanding as he lives with his wife. This command is somewhat difficult to understand. As our text says, we men are to “live with [our] wives in an understanding way.” What pleases God is a husband pleasing his wife! God expects a Christian husband to make the effort to understand his wife. This is not an impossible task, but it is a necessary task if we will honour God and set the stage for a successful marriage.
The term that Peter uses comes very near to our expression which would speak of making a home for one’s wife. In short, the command is that husbands are responsible to understand their wives. This is a life-long process which weighs upon each Christian husband. Husbands are to have a desire to know what their wives are thinking and to anticipate what will please them. Christian husbands are responsible to act with reason and common sense toward their wives. They are also to have an understanding of the Christian principles directing the marriage relationship. Ultimately, Christian husbands are responsible for understanding the nature of their wives. I do not say that this is easy, but it is necessary if we will please God and if we will build our wives.
Husbands are to understand their wives. I know all the jokes concerning the misunderstanding of the sexes, and especially do I know all the humour concerning the manner in which men fail to understand women. The need for understanding refers to Christian insight and tact, a conscience sensitive to God’s will. [5] Christian knowledge consists, not in intellectual superiority, but in understanding sympathy and respect for the weak. This is the teaching of Paul in the First Corinthian letter.
“Concerning food offered to idols: we know that ‘all of us possess knowledge.’ This ‘knowledge’ puffs up, but love builds up. If anyone imagines that he knows something, he does not yet know as he ought to know. But if anyone loves God, he is known by God.
“Therefore, as to the eating of food offered to idols, we know that ‘an idol has no real existence,’ and that ‘there is no God but one.’ For although there may be so-called gods in heaven or on earth—as indeed there are many ‘gods’ and many ‘lords’— yet for us there is one God, the Father, from whom are all things and for whom we exist, and one Lord, Jesus Christ, through whom are all things and through whom we exist.
“However, not all possess this knowledge. But some, through former association with idols, eat food as really offered to an idol, and their conscience, being weak, is defiled. Food will not commend us to God. We are no worse off if we do not eat, and no better off if we do. But take care that this right of yours does not somehow become a stumbling block to the weak. For if anyone sees you who have knowledge eating in an idol’s temple, will he not be encouraged, if his conscience is weak, to eat food offered to idols? And so by your knowledge this weak person is destroyed, the brother for whom Christ died. Thus, sinning against your brothers and wounding their conscience when it is weak, you sin against Christ. Therefore, if food makes my brother stumble, I will never eat meat, lest I make my brother stumble” [1 CORINTHIANS 8:1-13].
Men are responsible to build their wives. I believe that this responsibility is to be revealed in every facet of life as husbands build their wives. No man has warrant to tear down his wife; rather, men are to treat their wives with respect. The reason for this is two-fold: wives are “the weaker vessel” and wives are also “heirs with” their husbands “of the grace of life.” This business of treating one’s wife with respect is nothing short of realising what God has done in giving you a wife. Literally, husbands are to “assign value to their wives as co-heirs” [aponémontes timàn]. Christian husbands are to esteem their wives as valuable. They are to hold their wives in honour, because together they are “heirs … of the grace of life.” We believe this to be true, but we frequently appear to have forgotten that we share this faith. Wives and husbands are equal in the Faith of Christ the Lord; one does not have precedence over the other.
Solomon had great insight when he wrote:
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing
and obtains favour from the LORD.”
[PROVERBS 18:22]
We are to treat our wives not as a mere occupant of the same house; rather, each husband is to consider his wife as one who stands by grace before the Lord. We must always remember that we enter eternity as singles. Wives shall not be wives in Heaven, but they shall be saints redeemed by the grace of Christ the Lord. Husbands shall not be husbands in Heaven, but they shall be fellow-heirs with their wives. Here is the ultimate equality!
I must make note of one fact. Peter here refers to a wife as “the weaker vessel.” There should be no speculation concerning this statement. He is referring to physical strength, and in general, we recognise that men have greater physical strength. There is nothing in his statement concerning moral or ethical standing, nor should we attempt to read anything concept into his statement. I want you to especially notice that he speaks of the wife as “the weaker vessel,” for both males and females are weak, though the females are physically weaker. We live and we die. Each of us shares the weakness of mortality, and so long as we are in this body women tend to have less strength (though they do manage to outlive us males).
I am not convinced by the text that there is more than this immediate meaning, but I nevertheless recognise that there is room for a further consideration in assigning the role of a wife the designation of “the weaker vessel.” Christian wives voluntarily submit themselves to their husbands and in doing so they make themselves vulnerable. When a woman marries, she accepts the role of submission to her husband. Christian husbands must not take advantage of their wives’ vow of submission. Men, your wife’s acceptance of a position of weakness is a call for you to exercise consideration and thoughtful support. Christian knowledge will accord the wife all the consideration and the thoughtfulness which God intends for her “as a weaker vessel” in her “wifely” relation. [6]
Husbands and wives are God’s handiwork. Despite the foolishness of contemporary thought, husbands and wives—men and women—are designed for each other. Consequently, in the divine economy, both men and women are weak. Men are to recognise the obvious disparity in physical strength and lend their strength to their wives. At the same time, men are responsible to recognise that their wives are spiritual heirs of God with them. Thus, men are to always balance the physical need with the spiritual equality. When they balance this understanding husbands will make every effort to understand their wives needs and to supply those needs in so far as they are able to do so.
I am not disparaging women as weak; I am acknowledging that a woman’s strength should not be thought of as physical. There may be exceptions, but the exception only proves the rule. Women can strengthen men, and men are definitely responsible to give their strength to their wives. I have for years acknowledged my wife’s strengths in areas in which I am weak. She is a keen judge of character, and I would be an absolute fool to ignore her insight into people. Isn’t the mutual strengthen of one another the import of the words of the Preacher?
Two people are better than one,
because they can reap more benefit from their labor.
For if they fall, one will help his companion up,
but pity the person who falls down and has no one to help him up.
Furthermore, if two lie down together, they can keep each other warm,
but how can one person keep warm by himself?
Although an assailant may overpower one person,
two can withstand him.
Moreover, a three-stranded cord is not quickly broken.
[ECCLESIASTES 4:9-12 NET BIBLE]
Peter is assumed to speaking to men of prayer, and men I address I assume to be men of prayer. How’s your prayer life, men? What great answers have you received to your prayers during these past weeks? Far too often, we fall under the censure of James’ scathing words. “You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions” [JAMES 4:2-3]. Just as frequently, I fear that we do not have because we have failed to honour our wives as heirs with us of the gracious gift of life. There is incredible insight in these words!
We should not be surprised by the correlation of marital relationship and answered prayer. Our relationship with our fellow saints has an impact on our relationship with God. Jesus said, “I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire” [MATTHEW 5:22]. Agreement with and forgiveness of our fellow saints ensures the blessing of God [MATTHEW 18:19-35]. Love of our brothers ensures the love of God toward us. “We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, ‘I love God,’ and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother” [1 JOHN 4:19-21]. If fellowship with the greater community of Faith has an impact on our relationship with God, should we be surprised if our relationship in the home has an impact on our relationship with God?
Though Peter has dealt with the hindered prayers of a neglectful husband, I suggest that wives must also be concerned about hindered prayers. Paul, writing the Corinthians, addresses a delicate subject which bears on the subject of hindered prayers. “Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control” [1 CORINTHIANS 7:5]. The underlying principle is that harmony in marital relations is necessary for harmony in spiritual relations. Husbands, especially, as those who bear authority in the home, must assume responsibility for ensuring that such harmony reigns in the home. They do this through treating their wives with consideration and respect.
With the feminist mood of our world today, there is a danger that some people will jettison this passage. Among those of us who are evangelical, there is perhaps a greater danger that we will simply quietly ignore the teaching of this passage. The instructions must be received as authoritative, even for this day. Marriage still imposes responsibilities on either partner, and the more so when each partner is a Christian. Christian marriage must be based upon mutual love which treats our spouse with respect and honour. Christian marriage is in this passage placed on the highest possible plane—a plane of resulting from the loving union of two people sharing together and equally in the promises of God. These two people will not live separate lives, but they will share in the deepest relationship of life.
What if only one of the partners is a Christian? The relationship should still be marked by respect and love. The love of the Christian partner will include something of the love of God Himself for those who have not yet discovered His grace. The Christian partner in such a marriage is encouraged to hold precisely such love for an unconverted spouse. Likewise, the Christian partner is urged to live in such a way as to commend the Christian faith to his or her unconverted partner.
Although we live in a world in which women occupy roles of leadership in society and likewise enjoy leadership among the churches in a manner that was largely unknown in the first century, it is surely still the case that a quiet spirit is preferable to a raucous, unmannerly character. If the effeminate man acts unnaturally for his sex, so too does the woman who tries to emulate masculine traits in her lifestyle. [7]
If we learn to treat our spouse with respect, we honour the Lord. Peter provides sound instruction for how we are to honour our spouse. The world watches the lives of us who follow the Christ to see if we are real. If we are merely pretending to be transformed by His Spirit, that will be obvious to the world, and they will be disgusted with what we profess. If Christ is central to our lives as husbands and wives, God will be glorified and outsiders will witness a brief glimpse of heaven. May God give us godly homes that glorify His Name. Amen.
[1] Unless otherwise indicated, all Scripture quotations are from The Holy Bible: English Standard Version. Crossway Bibles, Wheaton, IL, 2016
[2] D. Edmond Hiebert, First Peter: An Expositional Commentary (Moody, Chicago IL 1984) pg. 184
[3] George Müller, cited in William MacDonald, I Peter: faith tested, future triumphant (Harold Shaw Publishers, Wheaton IL 1972) pp. 63, 64
[4] J. N. D. Kelly, A Commentary on the Epistles of Peter and Jude (Baker, Grand Rapids MI 1969) pg. 131
[5] Kelly, pg. 132
[6] R. C. H. Lenski, The Interpretation of I and II Epistles of Peter, the three Epistles of John, and the Epistle of Jude (Augsburg Publishing House, Minneapolis MN 1966) pg. 139
[7] I. Howard Marshall, The IVP New Testament Commentary Series: 1 Peter (InterVarsity, Downers Grove IL 1991) pg. 104
