Sermon Central
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How To Stop Strife Series
Contributed by Brian Bill on Nov 28, 2017 (message contributor)
Summary: Nehemiah has to put down his hard hat and turn his attention from the construction of the wall to the walls that were being put up between his workers. While their external enemies helped to rally the people, internal conflict threatened to divide and de
4 Action Steps for Stopping Strife
I came across something this week called, “How to Turn a Disagreement Into a Feud.” I wonder how many of us have done these things? I know I have:
Avoid conflict so that your feelings build up and then you explode.
Be vague and general when you share your concerns so the other person cannot do anything practical to change the situation.
Assume you know all the facts and that you are totally right.
Avoid possible solutions and go for total victory and unconditional surrender.
I want to focus our remaining minutes on some practical action steps you and I can take to stop strife these come right out of Nehemiah 5.
1. Make sure it’s a moral issue. Nehemiah was very angry because of the injustice he saw in verse 6. If you’ve been wronged and sinned against, your anger is justified. On the other hand, if you’re ticked off at someone just because they’ve done something that you don’t like, and it’s not a moral issue, then cut them some slack and give some grace.
2. Think before speaking. If you’ve been sinned against, take some time to ponder what was done and how you feel about it. That’s exactly what Nehemiah did in the first part of verse 7. Anger is a gift from God that motivates us to action but it can just as easily backfire if we just let things fly out of our mouths.
3. Meet face-to-face. Someone has said: “Confrontation is caring enough about another person to get the conflict on the table and talk about it.” Just as Jesus commanded in Matthew 18, we are to be direct with the people we have strife with. Nehemiah went right to the source in verse 8 and confronted the people with what they had done wrong.
When we ignore this critical step we often end up talking to someone else about how we’ve been offended by someone else. When you go to a third party you create a “communication triangle.” So go directly to the person you’re upset with. If someone comes to you to express anger at another person, your first question should always be, “Have you talked to him? Have you met with her?”
4. Seek Resolution. Our goal in stopping strife or confronting conflict should always be resolution and restoration of the relationship. We shouldn’t be set on proving ourselves right and the other person as wrong. We’re not to vanquish our brothers and sisters but to build them up and have the issue resolved so that we can all get back to kingdom work.
Woodrow Wilson once said, “If you come at me with your fists doubled, I think I can promise you that mine will double as fast as yours; but if you come to me and say, ‘Let us sit down and take counsel together, and, if we differ from one another…we will find that we are not so far apart after all, that the points on which we differ are few and the points on which we agree are many, and that if we only have the patience and the candor and the desire to get together…we will.”
When the workers took these steps, the team was able to get back to the job they were commissioned to do. If we allow strife and discord to go on, kingdom work will come to a standstill. If we would follow Nehemiah’s example, my guess is that 95% of our relational problems would be solved. If we have an issue with anyone in this church, let’s follow these four steps: #1: Make sure it’s moral; #2: Think before speaking; #3: Meet face-to-face; and #4: Seek resolution.
