Holiness And Conflict Resolution Series

III. The goal of conflict resolution (See Romans 14:19-21). We are called to do what leads to peace and mutual edification (See Colossians 3:15). This has the greatest opportunity to occur when truth and love intersect (See 1 Peter 1:22). The reason we so often fail to resolve conflict in ways that achieve this is because we’re more concerned about vindicating our own positions than we are about reconciling with others. If we would simply take the approach that the work of God always take priority over the rights of man (See Romans 14:20-21) most conflicts would be eliminated. In the last few minutes of this message, permit me to share with you four ways that people seek to resolve conflict. You can decide which one makes the most sense in light of this passage.

A. Some people learn to win by conquering others. This creates an "I win, you lose" scenario. Unfortunately this tactic usually incites more conflict than it resolves as one side is left feeling intimidated and manipulated.

B. Some people learn to win by capitulating to others. In other words, they give in or give up. This creates an "I lose, you win" scenario. This tactic fails because the people who capitulate are really trying to achieve the same outcome as those who conquer. They just choose a different way of winning. Their hope is to heap so much guilt upon the other party, that they will not possibly be able to enjoy the victory and therefore concede it.

C. Some people learn to win by compromising with others. At first glance you might think this is the best solution. Each person gives up a little and the conflict is resolved. It is the least appealing to me, however, because it creates an "I lose, you lose" situation as neither party gets what they really want.

D. Some people learn to win by collaborating with others. The word means "to work together." When people collaborate they decide to cooperate on a mutually desired goal. Isn’t this what we’re being told to do in verse 19? We are to pursue an outcome that brings peace to the conflicted parties and that helps each to be a better follower of Christ. This creates a "win/win" situation. It can and does happen when our love for others becomes the impetus for seeking reconciliation.

Conclusion: One of the most famous images from the Vietnam War is the photograph of a nine-year-old girl named Phan Thi Kim Phuc. During a battle between North and South Vietnamese troops, American pilots dropped napalm on her tiny village. Two of her brothers were killed, and she was burned badly. Wearing no clothes, she fled up the road toward the cameraman. Because of the pain her arms are held out from her side and her mouth is open in a cry of agony. The little girl suffered third-degree burns over 50% of her body, but incredibly, she lived! She endured 14 months of painful rehabilitation and scores of skin grafts. Each time they pain was so intense she lost consciousness when the doctors touched her. Since then she has married, emigrated to Canada and become a Christian. She still has much pain and scars stretch up her arms to her chest and back. In 1996, she accepted an invitation from several Vietnam veterans groups composed of men who fought and sacrificed for the cause of democracy, to join in Veterans Day ceremonies in Washington, D.C. She laid a wreath at the Vietnam Veterans Memorial and spoke words of forgiveness. "I have suffered a lot from both physical and emotional pain," she told her audience. "Sometimes I could not breathe. But God saved my life and gave me faith and hope. Even if I could talk face to face with the pilot who dropped the bombs, I would tell him ’We cannot change history, but we should try to do good things for the present and for the future to promote peace.’" The Apostle Paul agrees! "Let us do the things which make for peace and the building up of one another."