God's Wedding Gift Series

Rita Fischer of Dexter, Michigan, recalls her wedding day, which was unseasonably warm. To make matters worse, the air conditioning in the church wasn't working. She became increasingly uncomfortable in her gown. She grumbled during the photo session, then endured the receiving line, cutting the cake, even opening the presents.

But when she saw the mountain of cards to open, that was it. Smiling, she said to the guests, “You'll have to excuse us, but we're very hot and need to do something about it.”

Then she saw her husband’s look and her face grew even hotter when she realized what she had said (Rita Fischer, Dexter, Michigan, “Rolling Down the Aisle,” Christian Reader; www. PreachingToday.com).

She was embarrassed, but married couples don’t have to be ashamed. On the contrary, they should celebrate sex in their marriage, because God designed it and gave it to them as His special wedding gift.

If you have your Bibles, I invite you to turn with me to 1 Corinthians 7, 1 Corinthians 7, where we see why God gave sex to married couples.

1 Corinthians 7:1 Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman” (ESV).

Lit., it is good for a man not to hold a woman. This is NOT what God says. Notice, the saying is in quotes. This is what some of the false teachers teach. Some teach, “Have sex with anybody you want. There’s no law against it” (1 Corinthians 6:12). Others teach, “Don’t even touch a woman. All sex is sinful” (1 Corinthians 7:1). False teachers promote one of these two extremes—either complete abstinence or reckless indulgence. On the other hand, God encourages passionate sex within the boundary of marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:2 But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband (ESV).

Sexual passion within marriage protects couples from sexual immorality outside of marriage.

1 Corinthians 7:3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband (ESV).

Literally, the husband should pay his wife what he owes her, and the wife should pay her husband.

I like the way Ray Ortlund put it in a recent book on marriage. He writes:

The key to understanding the sexual wisdom of [the Bible] is to combine both form and freedom, both structure and liberation. Conservative people love form and restraint and control.

Progressive people love freedom and openness and choices. Both see part of the truth, but wisdom sees more. Wisdom teaches us that God gave us our sexuality both to focus our romantic joy and to unleash our romantic joy. When our desires are both focused and unleashed—both form and freedom—our sexual experience becomes wonderfully intensified. A marriage can flourish within both form and freedom, because sex is like a fire. In the fireplace, it keeps us warm. Outside the fireplace, it burns the house down. Here's the message of the Bible: “Keep the fire within the marital fireplace and stoke that fire as hot as you can” (Ray Ortlund, Marriage and the Mystery of the Gospel, Crossway, 2016, p. 65; www.PreachingToday.com).

You owe it to your spouse, so…

PAY HIM OR HER WHAT YOU OWE.

Give your spouse his or her due. Share pleasure together on a regular basis.

Do it, first of all, to prevent immorality. Do it to protect yourselves from sexual sin. Verse 2 makes it very clear. Do it “because of the temptation to sexual immorality.”

Several years ago, I had the privilege of conducting a wedding ceremony for a young man who grew up in one of my previous churches. He met a beautiful young lady and fell head over heels in love. He spent a lot of time with her, told her how wonderful she was, and gave her special little gifts.

Then he got married, and it was like a switch flipped off in his brain. When he wasn’t at work, he was with his friends or working on his car. He ignored his new bride, who began to feel abandoned by him. She desperately wanted his attention, but he was always too busy for her.

It wasn’t long before another man at her work began to pay special attention to her. He told her how wonderful she was, gave her special little gifts and began to spend a lot of time with her. Eventually, she found herself in bed with this man, and she left her husband.

Now, there is no excuse for what she did. She has nobody to blame but herself for her own sinful choices. But her husband, by ignoring her need for romance, made it a lot easier for her to make those choices.