Getting Free From Unforgiveness

Introduction

I’m delighted this morning to share what the Lord has been teaching me. The Lord often teaches me through what He’s doing in my own life—and that, I’ve found, is the best way to learn.

Let’s begin with the Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6. Jesus taught us to pray, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” Then He added something startling: “If you forgive others, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father forgive you.”

That’s one of the most serious statements in all of Scripture. Jesus tied our forgiveness directly to how we forgive others.

Let’s pray.

> Father, we come boldly through the blood of Jesus. Sprinkle us again with that blood today. Let there be no condemnation, no judgmental spirit—only the ministry of Your Holy Spirit bringing conviction and truth. Guard every word I speak and every ear that hears. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

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The Hidden Root

Unforgiveness lies at the root of so many of our problems. That might sound like an overstatement—but when you trace broken relationships, bitterness, fear, even physical illness, again and again you find the same taproot: unforgiveness.

I’ve seen it in my own family.

My uncles once worked side by side in a successful business. They were bright, hardworking men—brothers who trusted each other completely. But one day, a terrible misunderstanding turned into a heated argument. Words became shouting, and shouting turned to blows.

By the time it was over, their business—and our family—was split in two. One side refused any contact with the other. Holidays were divided, weddings awkward, funerals tense.

They carried that feud for the rest of their lives. Each one took it with them to the grave—still unreconciled, still wounded.

The tragedy wasn’t just the fight; it was all the love that never got to live after it. No more laughter at the table, no shared stories, no simple kindness. Just silence, and the heavy weight of what might have been.

That’s what unforgiveness does. It multiplies one moment of hurt into generations of distance. It doesn’t just block peace—it blocks grace.

When Jesus said our Father can’t forgive us if we refuse to forgive others, He wasn’t being harsh; He was being honest. Unforgiveness stops the flow of mercy. It walls off grace.

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Forgiveness Is Not a Feeling

We often think unforgiveness is an emotion. It isn’t. It’s a decision—a refusal to cancel a debt we feel someone owes us.

When Jesus warned that God can’t forgive us if we won’t forgive others, He showed that unforgiveness blocks grace. If Satan knows that, where do you think he’ll focus his efforts? He’ll try, above all, to trap us in unforgiveness—because he knows that when we step out of grace, we step into his ground.

Forgiveness has little to do with how we feel. It’s not emotional release; it’s a legal transaction.

Unforgiveness says, “You owe me.”

Forgiveness says, “The debt is cancelled.”

When you forgive, you’re not pretending you weren’t hurt. You’re acknowledging the hurt but tearing up the note that says the other person must repay you.

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A Renewed Mind

Paul writes in Ephesians 4: “Be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, created after God in righteousness and true holiness.”

He lists the practical fruit of that new life—honesty, integrity, speech that builds up instead of tearing down—and then he warns, “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit.”

Finally, he says: “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice be put away from you. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ forgave you.”

Do you see the pattern? Paul lists the emotions that grow from unforgiveness—bitterness, anger, malice, resentment—and then gives the cure: put them away by forgiving.

You cannot remove the negative emotions yourself. Only God can. But you can make the decision that allows Him to work.

Stop saying, “I can’t forgive.” You can. You might mean, “I don’t know how to get rid of the bitterness.” True—but that’s God’s part. Your part is to take the first step: cancel the debt.

Then God takes care of the emotional storm that follows.

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The Fruit of Action

Paul says, “Be kind.” That means do deeds of kindness. Love isn’t emotion—it’s action. The moment you act in kindness toward the one who hurt you, God’s compassion begins to flow through you, washing away bitterness.

When that compassion is released, forgiveness becomes not just a decision but a living current of grace.

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Giving Ground to the Enemy

Paul writes, “Be angry, and sin not; let not the sun go down upon your wrath, neither give place to the devil.”

That word place—in Greek, topos—means location, territory, or ground. When we hold on to anger or offense, it’s as if we give the devil a plot of land inside our hearts.