Introduction
I’m delighted this morning to share what the Lord has been teaching me. The Lord often teaches me through what He’s doing in my own life—and that, I’ve found, is the best way to learn.
Let’s begin with the Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6. Jesus taught us to pray, “Forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors.” Then He added something startling: “If you forgive others, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father forgive you.”
That’s one of the most serious statements in all of Scripture. Jesus tied our forgiveness directly to how we forgive others.
Let’s pray.
> Father, we come boldly through the blood of Jesus. Sprinkle us again with that blood today. Let there be no condemnation, no judgmental spirit—only the ministry of Your Holy Spirit bringing conviction and truth. Guard every word I speak and every ear that hears. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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The Hidden Root
Unforgiveness lies at the root of so many of our problems. That might sound like an overstatement—but when you trace broken relationships, bitterness, fear, even physical illness, again and again you find the same taproot: unforgiveness.
I’ve seen it in my own family.
My uncles once worked side by side in a successful business. They were bright, hardworking men—brothers who trusted each other completely. But one day, a terrible misunderstanding turned into a heated argument. Words became shouting, and shouting turned to blows.
By the time it was over, their business—and our family—was split in two. One side refused any contact with the other. Holidays were divided, weddings awkward, funerals tense.
They carried that feud for the rest of their lives. Each one took it with them to the grave—still unreconciled, still wounded.
The tragedy wasn’t just the fight; it was all the love that never got to live after it. No more laughter at the table, no shared stories, no simple kindness. Just silence, and the heavy weight of what might have been.
That’s what unforgiveness does. It multiplies one moment of hurt into generations of distance. It doesn’t just block peace—it blocks grace.
When Jesus said our Father can’t forgive us if we refuse to forgive others, He wasn’t being harsh; He was being honest. Unforgiveness stops the flow of mercy. It walls off grace.
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Forgiveness Is Not a Feeling
We often think unforgiveness is an emotion. It isn’t. It’s a decision—a refusal to cancel a debt we feel someone owes us.
When Jesus warned that God can’t forgive us if we won’t forgive others, He showed that unforgiveness blocks grace. If Satan knows that, where do you think he’ll focus his efforts? He’ll try, above all, to trap us in unforgiveness—because he knows that when we step out of grace, we step into his ground.
Forgiveness has little to do with how we feel. It’s not emotional release; it’s a legal transaction.
Unforgiveness says, “You owe me.”
Forgiveness says, “The debt is cancelled.”
When you forgive, you’re not pretending you weren’t hurt. You’re acknowledging the hurt but tearing up the note that says the other person must repay you.
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A Renewed Mind
Paul writes in Ephesians 4: “Be renewed in the spirit of your mind, and put on the new self, created after God in righteousness and true holiness.”
He lists the practical fruit of that new life—honesty, integrity, speech that builds up instead of tearing down—and then he warns, “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit.”
Finally, he says: “Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, slander, and malice be put away from you. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ forgave you.”
Do you see the pattern? Paul lists the emotions that grow from unforgiveness—bitterness, anger, malice, resentment—and then gives the cure: put them away by forgiving.
You cannot remove the negative emotions yourself. Only God can. But you can make the decision that allows Him to work.
Stop saying, “I can’t forgive.” You can. You might mean, “I don’t know how to get rid of the bitterness.” True—but that’s God’s part. Your part is to take the first step: cancel the debt.
Then God takes care of the emotional storm that follows.
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The Fruit of Action
Paul says, “Be kind.” That means do deeds of kindness. Love isn’t emotion—it’s action. The moment you act in kindness toward the one who hurt you, God’s compassion begins to flow through you, washing away bitterness.
When that compassion is released, forgiveness becomes not just a decision but a living current of grace.
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Giving Ground to the Enemy
Paul writes, “Be angry, and sin not; let not the sun go down upon your wrath, neither give place to the devil.”
That word place—in Greek, topos—means location, territory, or ground. When we hold on to anger or offense, it’s as if we give the devil a plot of land inside our hearts.
At first it’s just a foothold—a single unresolved conflict, a small corner of resentment. But if that foothold remains, it becomes a stronghold.
Brick by brick, memory by memory, the enemy builds a fortress out of our bitterness. And the tragedy is, he uses our own emotions as his building materials.
So Paul’s warning could be paraphrased like this:
> “Don’t give the devil any ground. Don’t let a foothold become a fortress.”
When you go to bed angry, it’s as though you kneel beside your bed and say, “Satan, I’m staying angry tonight. Help yourself to my thoughts and emotions while I sleep.”
Unforgiveness hands the enemy a deed to part of our lives. From there he works freely, and every time we think we’ve driven him out, he reclaims what he legally owns.
You can pray, fast, attend revivals, even experience temporary victory—but until that title deed is torn up through forgiveness, he’ll keep coming back.
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How to Reclaim the Ground
The only way to take back that ground is through forgiveness—canceling the debt.
That’s why so many believers feel trapped: they’re rebuking the devil while still holding his paperwork.
Paul says, “Don’t let the sun go down on your anger.”
Don’t end the day with unpaid emotional debts.
The moment you forgive, the enemy’s claim is revoked.
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From Satan’s Perspective to God’s Perspective
From Satan’s side, unforgiveness gives him legal ground.
From God’s side, it removes us from the flow of grace.
Let’s see how Jesus explains this in Matthew 18.
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The Context We Often Miss
We often chop Matthew 18 into separate lessons—offenses, discipline, prayer meetings—but it’s one continuous teaching about forgiveness.
The disciples had been arguing about who was greatest. Jesus brought a child into their midst and said, “Unless you become like this little one, you can’t enter the kingdom.”
Then He warned, “Woe to the world because of offenses! They must come, but woe to the one through whom they come.”
Hurt is inevitable; bitterness is optional.
We will all be wounded, betrayed, misunderstood—that’s life in a fallen world. But what we do with the wound determines whether it becomes a scar that testifies to grace or an infection that poisons the soul.
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How to Deal With a Brother or Sister Who Sins
Jesus gave simple instructions: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault—just between the two of you.”
Go privately. Not through texts, not through allies.
Why privately? Because the moment we tell someone else, we create the power of agreement around the offense. Two or three gathered in His name can bind or loose—but two or three gossiping in their name bind everyone tighter.
If he listens, you’ve won your brother.
If not, take one or two impartial witnesses.
If still not, bring it before the church—not to shame, but to heal.
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Binding and Loosing
Jesus said, “Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.”
We often apply that to prayer, but the context is forgiveness.
To bind is to hold someone’s offense against them.
To loose is to release it.
If you hold it, heaven holds it; if you release it, heaven releases it.
When you forgive, heaven agrees—and both of you are free.
When you cling to the offense, heaven honors your decision—and you remain bound with the chain you forged.
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Why Gossip Is So Destructive
Jesus added, “Where two or three are gathered in My name, there am I in the midst.”
He was describing the authority of the church in matters of forgiveness.
When two or three believers agree about someone’s offense—not to restore but to condemn—they act with the authority of the Body but in the wrong spirit. They confirm bondage instead of breaking it.
That’s why gossip is deadly. It sounds like sharing; it spreads like a curse.
Remember Noah’s sons: Ham saw his father’s shame and told his brothers; Shem and Japheth walked in backward and covered him. One exposed; the others covered. One inherited a curse; the others blessing.
Paul said, “Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but only what builds up, that it may minister grace.”
When we refuse to cover one another with grace, we grieve the Holy Spirit.
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The Church’s Need for Release
This is why revival tarries. We pray for the Spirit to move, but we won’t forgive each other. We bind what God wants to loose.
We’ve judged one another over Sabbath observance, diet, worship style, and doctrine—forgetting judgment belongs to God.
Revival won’t come through louder music or longer meetings; it will come through quiet reconciliation—people humbling themselves to say, “I release you.”
When the church cancels its debts, heaven opens its windows.
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How Often Should I Forgive?
Peter asked, “Lord, how often shall I forgive my brother? Up to seven times?”
Jesus replied, “Not seven times, but seventy times seven.”
In other words, “Stop counting.”
Forgiveness isn’t about keeping score; it’s about keeping your heart clean.
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The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant
A king wanted to settle accounts with his servants. One owed an impossible debt—millions by today’s standard. Unable to pay, he begged for mercy. The king, moved with compassion, cancelled the debt and released him.
But that servant went out and found a fellow servant who owed him only a little. He seized him, demanded payment, and threw him in prison.
When the king heard, he was furious. “You wicked servant,” he said. “I forgave you all that debt because you begged me. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant as I had on you?”
Then he handed him over to the tormentors.
And Jesus said, “So will my heavenly Father do to each of you if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.”
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The Weight of the Story
We are that servant.
We owed God more than we could ever repay.
He forgave us freely.
So when we refuse to forgive others, we’re saying, “The blood of Jesus was enough for me, but not for them.”
That’s why unforgiveness moves us outside the flow of grace and under judgment.
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The Tormentors
Who are they?
They’re the invisible consequences that plague us when we hold bitterness—spiritual, emotional, even physical torment.
Doctors say most chronic stress-related illness has roots in resentment or unresolved anger. The body keeps score of what the heart refuses to release.
Forgiveness isn’t just moral duty—it’s God’s healing prescription.
You can have people pray for you, but until you forgive, the tormentors stay.
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The Flow of Compassion
The master forgave because he was moved with compassion.
That’s what happens when we truly forgive—compassion flows, washing away resentment.
When you begin to see another person’s hurt as greater than the debt they owe you, compassion rises and healing begins.
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True Forgiveness Produces Action
If you say you’ve forgiven but still avoid the person, it might be time for another look.
Forgiveness leads to kindness.
God didn’t say, “I’ll forgive you, but stay away for ten years.”
He forgave us and drew near.
That’s what real forgiveness looks like—it doesn’t minimize sin; it multiplies grace.
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The Only Way Out of Prison
When you hold someone else in the prison of unforgiveness, you stand guard at the door.
If you’re guarding it—you’re not free either.
The same key that frees them opens your own cell.
That key is compassion.
When you release them, you release yourself.
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The Fear Barrier
This is where fear rises.
“If I forgive, they’ll take advantage of me.”
But God hasn’t given us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and a sound mind.
Fear speculates; faith obeys.
Forgiveness doesn’t make you weak—it makes you free.
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Go to Them
Some say, “I’ve forgiven them in my heart.”
That’s good, but Jesus said, “Go to your brother.”
Private reconciliation matters. You don’t need to rehash the past. You simply say, “I release you. You don’t owe me anymore.”
You may tremble when you say it, but heaven stands behind that trembling voice.
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The Result of Release
When forgiveness flows, revival follows.
Healing in families, reconciliation between friends, peace in marriages—it all begins with one decision: to cancel the debt.
When you forgive, grace flows again.
The Holy Spirit is free to move.
The mercy seat becomes the mercy stream.
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Invitation and Closing Prayer
Maybe this morning the Spirit is showing you someone you’ve kept imprisoned—a parent, spouse, child, friend, or even yourself.
Would you take the key God’s been holding out to you and unlock that door?
The same blood that washed away your sin can wash away your bitterness.
> Father, we thank You for the blood of Jesus, still on the mercy seat, still speaking better things than our anger or hurt.
Holy Spirit, reveal the debts we’re still holding. Show us the faces, the moments, the words.
We confess our unforgiveness, and in Jesus’ name we cancel those debts.
Lord, reclaim every piece of ground we’ve surrendered through anger or pride.
Break every foothold, tear down every stronghold, and fill the space with Your grace.
Heal relationships. Heal marriages. Heal the Body of Christ.
We thank You for the freedom, deliverance, and joy that’s coming as forgiveness flows.
In Jesus’ name, Amen.
