Fulfilling Friendships

If you were to think about your friends. How many close friends would you say you have? What about good friends, or acquaintances? According to Dunbar, prof of psychology at Oxford University who developed a theory about friendships, a person, on average, may have about 500 acquaintances, 150 meaningful contacts, 50 friends, and 15 good friends. But the tightest circle of friends a person usually has is around five people or less – maybe your direct family or few close friends. From a biblical perspective, the Hebrews break friendship down into 3 levels, 1. as associations only; 2. those that are loyal; 3. those who are loyal and who love sacrificially.

Why is it important to have friends? Study after study reveals that people suffer mentally, emotionally, and cognitively when they are alone, socially isolated, or lack meaningful relationships. All of us need friends. Friends to laugh with and cry with, friends we can share life with, confide in and entrust things with, friends who have been and will be there with us through thick and thin. This explains why television programs like Friends, Seinfeld, Everyone loves Raymond had such high ratings.

We live in a world where people are looking for and longing for deep and meaningful friendships. But such friendships today are hard to come by and hard to maintain because we live in such a mobile, transient society.

The reality many times is that we get to know someone, create a friendship, and after a few years they (or we) leave for another city or country. I don’t know if this has been your experience but when we moved to Finland and then to Austria one of the first questions people ask is, “how long are you planning to stay here?” In other words, “are you going to be a potential friend?”

What do you think qualifies a person to be a friend? How can we be wise when it comes to choosing our friends? How can we build lasting and fulfilling friendships? God gives us insight about the qualities of true friendship in the Bible and especially in the book of Proverbs.

Today in our Proverbs series, we will look at practical wisdom concerning friendship. Let’s read Proverbs 18:24 together.

The man of too many friends [chosen indiscriminately] will be broken in pieces and come to ruin, But there is a [true, loving] friend who [is reliable and] sticks closer than a brother. A faithful friend who can find? (Prov 18:24 AMP)

We need God’s wisdom for:

Finding Friends

Forging Friendships

Being a true Friend

So what is the basis for:

Finding Friends

Thomas Aquinas said, “There is nothing on this earth more to be prized than true friendship.” Unfortunately, we often treat relationships as consumers: we befriend for the benefits we receive. And like a contract, when the relationship doesn’t meet our expectations or no longer benefits us, we are done with it. Naturally, when we look for friends we want to connect with people who have the same things in common with us - like sports teams, hobbies, music, favorite foods, etc. Maybe you grew up with a person, went to the same school, and always had good times together and became good friends.

These things are important in friendship but we really want to find friends we can connect with on a deeper level. Proverbs 12:26 tells us:

The righteous should choose his friends carefully, For the way of the wicked leads them astray (NKJV).

The original Hebrew is translated this way:

The righteous searches out (meaning he makes a careful, diligent, and penetrating examination in order to find) a close friend that He can confide in.

In reality we could categorize many in our circle of friends simply as associations or acquaintances. They aren’t people you would confide in or turn to in times of trouble. Proverbs tells us that if you have too many of these superficial associations and acquaintances and put your hope in them, these types of “friendships” will fail to come through in times of adversity.

What does the Bible say we should look for in a friend? As we read Proverbs 18:24, we are to look for true, reliable and loving friends. Are they loyal and do they have godly values? Can you confide in them or do they speak behind your back and say negative things to you about others?

Proverbs strongly encourages the reader to pursue wisdom and choose friends among the wise (cf. 12:26; 13:20; 22:24; 28:7; 29:3). Keil and Delitsch said:

To have such a one is better than to have many of the so-called friends; and, as appears from the contrast, to him who is so fortunate as to have one such friend, there comes a blessing and safety.

In other words, we shouldn’t just inadvertently make friends with a person without having proven their character. Because, why would you share your hopes, dreams, goals, successes or else your struggles and weaknesses with someone who has a reputation for being unfaithful, unreliable, dishonest, and who can’t keep a confidence? We all long for friends we know will be there for us when times get tough or when we face a crisis in life. We need friends who are honest, faithful, have integrity, people we can trust. People who will tell it like it is and who give us wise advice. We long for these types of friendship and should learn to be this type of friend to others. The point is, you really won’t know a person’s character when it comes to friendship or even your own until you both face adverse situations together. This is where friendships are tested.