For Fathers

2 Corinthians 13:14 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with you all. Amen.

1 John 2:13 I write to you, fathers, because you have known Him who is from the beginning. I write to you, young men, because you have overcome the wicked one. I write to you, little children, because you have known the Father.

Role of the Godhead – Father, Son, Holy Spirit -

Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Cultural Background In the first century, when this passage was written, families were presided over by fathers who could do whatever they pleased in their homes. Rome had a law called patria potestas, which meant “the father’s power.” Men who were Roman citizens were given absolute property rights over their families. By law, the children and the wife were regarded as the patriarch’s personal chattel, and he could do with them what he wished. A displeased father could disown his children, sell them into slavery, or even kill them if he wished. When a child was born, the baby was placed between the father’s feet. If the father picked up the baby, the child stayed in the home. If he turned and walked away, the child was either left to die or sold at auction. Seneca, a contemporary of the apostle Paul, described Roman policy with regard to unwanted animals: “We slaughter a fierce ox; we strangle a mad dog; we plunge a knife into a sick cow. Children born weak or deformed we drown.”

Avoid Exasperation

We are told to “not exasperate our children.” This is a caution or warning designed to put us on guard against stirring up anger in our kids either deliberately or through careless provocations.

The Greek word translated “exasperate” means “to rouse to anger” or “to enrage.” The present tense of the verb indicates that we are to stop doing something that is common and continuous

Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” I can think of some common ways that fathers can exasperate their children:

1. Overprotection

You can anger your kids by fencing them in too much. I can relate to this one because there are so many things I want to protect my girls from in our world today. I have to be careful so that my daughters don’t grow up thinking I don’t trust them.

Laban, an Old Testament dad, was an overprotective and domineering parent. He dealt dishonestly with Jacob in order to get him to marry Leah, his eldest daughter, even though Jacob loved Rachel, the younger one. In exchange for a promise to work for Laban for 7 years, Jacob was allowed to marry Rachel as well. His controlling parenting cost his own daughters a healthy marriage.

Ironically, despite Laban’s overprotective interfering, the daughters’ assessment was that their father did not really care for them. Listen to what they say about their dad in Genesis 31:15: “Does he not regard us as foreigners? Not only has he sold us, but he has used up what was paid for us.”

2. Overindulgence.

The flip side of overprotection is overindulgence. Excessively permissive parents are as likely to stir their children’s wrath as much as those who stifle them. Studies prove that children given too much freedom begin to feel insecure and unloved. Because our society has fostered increasingly permissive attitudes toward children, we are now reaping the harvest of a whole generation of angry young people.

3. Favoritism.

A third way to exasperate kids is by showing favoritism. Isaac favored Esau over Jacob, and Rebecca preferred Jacob over Esau. That family experienced terrible agony and two brothers became bitter rivals. If you want to destroy your child, just make him feel inferior to everyone else in the family.

4. Unrealistic Goals.

Dads, we can provoke our kids to wrath by constantly pushing achievement. 1 Thessalonians 2:11 shows us Paul’s fatherly concern for the church: “We exhorted, and comforted, and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children.” Fathers, while it’s true that we’re called to exhort and charge our children, we’re also to comfort them.

5. Discouragement.

As Colossians 3:21 challenges us, we are not to provoke our children to anger or they will become discouraged. Let’s look for ways to celebrate and applaud. Let’s give our approval spontaneously so our kids don’t have to earn it or look for it in the arms of a boyfriend or girlfriend. Let’s catch our kids doing things right instead of lashing out at them for what they do wrong.

Haim Ginott wrote this: “A child learns what he lives. If he lives with criticism he does not learn responsibility. He learns to condemn himself and to find fault with others. He learns to doubt his own judgment, to disparage his own ability, and to distrust others. And above all, he learns to live with the continual expectation of impending doom.”