2 Corinthians 13:14 The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, and the love of God, and the communion of the Holy Spirit be with you all. Amen.
1 John 2:13 I write to you, fathers, because you have known Him who is from the beginning. I write to you, young men, because you have overcome the wicked one. I write to you, little children, because you have known the Father.
Role of the Godhead – Father, Son, Holy Spirit -
Ephesians 6:4: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
Cultural Background In the first century, when this passage was written, families were presided over by fathers who could do whatever they pleased in their homes. Rome had a law called patria potestas, which meant “the father’s power.” Men who were Roman citizens were given absolute property rights over their families. By law, the children and the wife were regarded as the patriarch’s personal chattel, and he could do with them what he wished. A displeased father could disown his children, sell them into slavery, or even kill them if he wished. When a child was born, the baby was placed between the father’s feet. If the father picked up the baby, the child stayed in the home. If he turned and walked away, the child was either left to die or sold at auction. Seneca, a contemporary of the apostle Paul, described Roman policy with regard to unwanted animals: “We slaughter a fierce ox; we strangle a mad dog; we plunge a knife into a sick cow. Children born weak or deformed we drown.”
Avoid Exasperation
We are told to “not exasperate our children.” This is a caution or warning designed to put us on guard against stirring up anger in our kids either deliberately or through careless provocations.
The Greek word translated “exasperate” means “to rouse to anger” or “to enrage.” The present tense of the verb indicates that we are to stop doing something that is common and continuous
Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become discouraged.” I can think of some common ways that fathers can exasperate their children:
1. Overprotection
You can anger your kids by fencing them in too much. I can relate to this one because there are so many things I want to protect my girls from in our world today. I have to be careful so that my daughters don’t grow up thinking I don’t trust them.
Laban, an Old Testament dad, was an overprotective and domineering parent. He dealt dishonestly with Jacob in order to get him to marry Leah, his eldest daughter, even though Jacob loved Rachel, the younger one. In exchange for a promise to work for Laban for 7 years, Jacob was allowed to marry Rachel as well. His controlling parenting cost his own daughters a healthy marriage.
Ironically, despite Laban’s overprotective interfering, the daughters’ assessment was that their father did not really care for them. Listen to what they say about their dad in Genesis 31:15: “Does he not regard us as foreigners? Not only has he sold us, but he has used up what was paid for us.”
2. Overindulgence.
The flip side of overprotection is overindulgence. Excessively permissive parents are as likely to stir their children’s wrath as much as those who stifle them. Studies prove that children given too much freedom begin to feel insecure and unloved. Because our society has fostered increasingly permissive attitudes toward children, we are now reaping the harvest of a whole generation of angry young people.
3. Favoritism.
A third way to exasperate kids is by showing favoritism. Isaac favored Esau over Jacob, and Rebecca preferred Jacob over Esau. That family experienced terrible agony and two brothers became bitter rivals. If you want to destroy your child, just make him feel inferior to everyone else in the family.
4. Unrealistic Goals.
Dads, we can provoke our kids to wrath by constantly pushing achievement. 1 Thessalonians 2:11 shows us Paul’s fatherly concern for the church: “We exhorted, and comforted, and charged every one of you, as a father does his own children.” Fathers, while it’s true that we’re called to exhort and charge our children, we’re also to comfort them.
5. Discouragement.
As Colossians 3:21 challenges us, we are not to provoke our children to anger or they will become discouraged. Let’s look for ways to celebrate and applaud. Let’s give our approval spontaneously so our kids don’t have to earn it or look for it in the arms of a boyfriend or girlfriend. Let’s catch our kids doing things right instead of lashing out at them for what they do wrong.
Haim Ginott wrote this: “A child learns what he lives. If he lives with criticism he does not learn responsibility. He learns to condemn himself and to find fault with others. He learns to doubt his own judgment, to disparage his own ability, and to distrust others. And above all, he learns to live with the continual expectation of impending doom.”
6. Neglect.
Another way to exasperate your children is by neglecting them. When we fail to show affection and act indifferently toward our kids, we can cause them to burn with anger. We can neglect our kids by never being home; or we can do it by being home but not involved in their lives.
7. Excessive Discipline.
Too much punishment is another sure way to provoke a child to anger.
Provide Nurture
The word “instead” shows a contrast between what we should not do and what we are to do. Here’s the first thing we are called to do: provide nurture. The NIV translates this verb as “bring them up.” This is the same phrase that is used in 5:29 referring to the husband’s role of “feeding and caring” for his wife. Men, we are called to nourish our wife and children by sharing love and encouragement in the Lord.
Notice also that we are to “bring them up.” We are to bring our children up because they will not get there by themselves. Dads, we are to take an active role in shaping the character of our children. Proverbs 29:15 says, “A child left to himself brings shame to his mother.” “What ruins most children is not what their parents do to them, but what they do not do for them.”
The phrase, “bring them up” also carries with it the idea of “tutoring” and “instructing.” I’m also a tutor and teacher for my children. In fact, my most important job is to disciple my kids and to leave a legacy of faithfulness for them.
Provide Discipline
The next thing Paul challenges us to do is to provide discipline for our kids. This word is translated “admonition” in some of your Bibles and carries with it the idea of a rebuke or a warning. Literally, it means to “place before the mind.”
Proverbs 13:24 “He who spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him disciplines him promptly.” I like the way the New Living Translation puts it: “If you refuse to discipline your children, it proves you don’t love them; if you love your children, you will be prompt to discipline them.” You may hesitate to discipline because you think that you’re being unkind to your kids. Actually, when you don’t discipline, you’re being more than unkind you’re not loving them. If we love our kids, then we must admonish, rebuke, and discipline them.
Hebrews 12:11 “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
It’s important to understand the difference between discipline and punishment. The purpose of punishment is to inflict penalty and focuses on the past. The purpose of discipline is to promote growth by looking to the future.
Provide Instruction
Notice that this instruction is to be “in the Lord.” Bring them up to find their place in the triumphant cause of the Lord Jesus Christ. Bring them up to see everything in relation to the victory of God. Do whatever it takes to make all of life God-saturated for your kids.
Bring them up to know that the path of sin is a dead end street because righteousness will prevail in the end.
Be A Blessing - the form of words used in invoking the bestowal of good
Genesis 1:22, 28; 22 And God blessed them, saying, “Be fruitful and multiply, and fill the waters in the seas, and let birds multiply on the earth.”28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
Genesis Chapter 27
“The paternal blessing was the most valuable heritage that parents could [bestow on their] children . . . the parents’ good-will and blessing were regarded as the greatest happiness that [a child could receive].” “In Greek and Latin, [the word] ‘blessing’ is eulogia and benedicto, which both suggest ‘speaking good words’ . . . In Hebrew [the word] ‘blessing’ is bereka, suggesting the conference of an abundance of life on someone. From its earliest appearances in the Old Testament, blessing is revealed as paternal [or fatherly] word and gift of life.” Every time a blessing was given to someone in the Bible, it was done through a covenant relationship with them. SPOKEN WORDS Proverbs 18:21 declares, “THE TONGUE HAS THE POWER OF LIFE AND DEATH.” God intends that we use our words to encourage, uplift, heal, strengthen and bless. “In many homes today, words of love and acceptance are never heard.” Dr. Trent says, “A blessing becomes so only when it is spoken. For a child in search of the blessing, the major thing silence communicates is confusion. Children who are left to fill in the blanks when it comes to what their parents think about them will often fail the test when it comes to feeling valuable and secure. Spoken words of praise and appreciation give the child and the adult an indication that he or she is worthwhile and valuable. It is not enough to provide a roof over our children’s heads or to provide them with food and the material necessities of life. Without spoken words of blessing they are left unsure of their personal worth and acceptance.” It is an established fact that “people and relationships suffer in the absence of spoken words of love, encouragement, acceptance and approval - words of blessing.” Not having heard words of blessing has become a tremendous liability and burden to many a person.
In the Old Testament Abraham spoke his blessing to his son Isaac. Isaac spoke a blessing to his son Jacob. Jacob spoke a blessing to his children.
TOUCH
"The first ingredient, "was a meaningful touch." Notice vs. 22, "Jacob went close to his father Isaac, who touched him." Vs. 26 says, "Then his father Isaac said to him, `Come here, my son, & kiss me."
Now this is not an isolated incident in scripture. Almost every time a blessing is bestowed in Hebrew culture, it involves touching - the laying on of hands, a kiss, an embrace - something that conveys acceptance & love.
The 10th chapter of the Gospel of Mark says that people brought children to Jesus so that He could touch them. Jesus took them & placed them on his knee, & laid His hands upon them, & the scripture says, "He blessed them." Jesus knew exactly what children need to feel loved & accepted. So He touched them & blessed them.
Jacob was 40 years old when Isaac touched him & kissed him to convey the blessing to him. And no matter the age, I think it is important to continue to communicate love & acceptance & affection in some meaningful way.
AFFIRMATION
"Ah, the smell of my son is like the smell of a field. . ." The attributing of a high value. Notice what Isaac says in vs. 28, "May God give you of heaven’s dew & of earth’s richness - an abundance of grain & new wine." He’s saying, "You’re special, so God will give you the best He has to give." It is important to teach the child, "You’re so valuable that God even came into our world & died on the cross for you."
PROPHECY
In vs. 29 Isaac says to Jacob, "May nations serve you & peoples bow down to you. Be lord over your brothers, & may the sons of your mother bow down to you. May those who curse you be cursed & those who bless you be blessed."
This morning we offer God’s invitation. A loving Father reaches down to touch us, speak to us, tell us how valuable we are, & help us see the glorious future that we have in Him.
1. There are no perfect fathers, except our Heavenly Father.
2. We can all be better dads if we will work at it.
3. We do not father alone. That’s why we need to pray daily for our kids.
