Fencing Off Your Offenses

Fencing Off Your Offenses

Proverbs 18:19 says, “A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city,

And contentions are like the bars of a castle.”

What does it mean to be offended and how is that different than unforgiveness? If unforgiveness is a prison, then an offense is the door that opens and closes going in and out of that prison.

I can be offended at you without harboring any type of unforgiveness against you (at least initially).

If you knew there was a trap door in a room that would cause you to be cast down into a pit, what type of warning signs or protections would you put around that trap door?

If you have ever been to the Grand Canyon. There are fences up near the edges of that magnificent canyon. There are barriers to keep people from getting too close to the point of slipping and falling. It seems logical enough.

It is the same idea of building an awareness of the trap door of an offense that can cause you to fall into a pit and cause you damage or damage to those around you.

Why is it important to recognize this offense and take measures against it? If I don’t, I may incur damage that was avoidable and sometimes irreversible.

If a storm is coming toward where you live, the wisest thing to do is keep away from the storm and take shelter. It is not to stand out in it.

If you have ever been caught in a storm and not been able to escape, that is much how an offense can feel. It leaves you overwhelmed and “flooded” emotionally. It is unrelenting. It is all-consuming. It has surrounded you, and there is nothing you can do to stop the storm.

It may seem logical and almost simplistic to speak about stepping away from a storm instead of getting pummeled by it. For example, if someone insisted on standing out in a wind or rain storm, without any type of reason, it would not make a whole lot of sense. Why suffer more than you need to suffer? Our natural instincts kick in and we seek safety and shelter.

If we think of being offended like being stuck in a storm, it can shed light on what it is we are dealing with and potentially how to get away from it.

Offense versus Unforgiveness:

It is important to distinguish an offense a little more from unforgiveness. After the storm has passed and the damage is done, we are left with a choice of rebuilding or staying in a state of ruin. We can choose to stay in a state of ruin where we expect someone else to come and rebuild what has been torn down.

This is unforgiveness–holding out for someone to pay you back for what was owed (after the storm of offense has passed). You don’t want to be here (unless you want God to hold you accountable for all the things you owe Him). Jesus explained this in the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21-35).

So holding onto unforgiveness is holding onto something that you think someone owes you. Here are two reasons to let that go. The first is that it keeps you in a place of being forgiven by your heavenly Father as Jesus explained in the parable above. But, the second reason is this. Holding onto unforgiveness is like holding onto bad debt. At some point, companies write off debt as not being able to be collected. It is just not worth pursuing it any longer, so they write it off or let it go.

This is the second reason why you should let go of what you think people owe you. Not only does it keep you in a place of being forgiven by your Heavenly Father, but it also keeps you from holding onto something that may simply never happen. In other words, it’s a waste of time. Your energy isn’t worth holding onto an expectation of someone “paying you back” what was owed to you.

So, forgiving someone is letting go of what is owed. If it is respect, care, kindness, or whatever else you can think of, it is to release that person from “owing” you what you may very well be owed.

It is not about righting the wrongs; it is about releasing the debt or what is owed. Just as God is no longer counting your sins against you, you are no longer counting the sins of others against them. You say to them (even if it is in your heart), “You do not owe me anything…I release you.” (Colossians 3:13)

Forgiving a debt is releasing that person and often can create a productive disconnection from an unproductive situation. You are no longer bound up by that situation or what that person did or didn’t do to you or for you. It becomes a new day as far as you are concerned.