Fencing Off Your Offenses
Proverbs 18:19 says, “A brother offended is harder to win than a strong city,
And contentions are like the bars of a castle.”
What does it mean to be offended and how is that different than unforgiveness? If unforgiveness is a prison, then an offense is the door that opens and closes going in and out of that prison.
I can be offended at you without harboring any type of unforgiveness against you (at least initially).
If you knew there was a trap door in a room that would cause you to be cast down into a pit, what type of warning signs or protections would you put around that trap door?
If you have ever been to the Grand Canyon. There are fences up near the edges of that magnificent canyon. There are barriers to keep people from getting too close to the point of slipping and falling. It seems logical enough.
It is the same idea of building an awareness of the trap door of an offense that can cause you to fall into a pit and cause you damage or damage to those around you.
Why is it important to recognize this offense and take measures against it? If I don’t, I may incur damage that was avoidable and sometimes irreversible.
If a storm is coming toward where you live, the wisest thing to do is keep away from the storm and take shelter. It is not to stand out in it.
If you have ever been caught in a storm and not been able to escape, that is much how an offense can feel. It leaves you overwhelmed and “flooded” emotionally. It is unrelenting. It is all-consuming. It has surrounded you, and there is nothing you can do to stop the storm.
It may seem logical and almost simplistic to speak about stepping away from a storm instead of getting pummeled by it. For example, if someone insisted on standing out in a wind or rain storm, without any type of reason, it would not make a whole lot of sense. Why suffer more than you need to suffer? Our natural instincts kick in and we seek safety and shelter.
If we think of being offended like being stuck in a storm, it can shed light on what it is we are dealing with and potentially how to get away from it.
Offense versus Unforgiveness:
It is important to distinguish an offense a little more from unforgiveness. After the storm has passed and the damage is done, we are left with a choice of rebuilding or staying in a state of ruin. We can choose to stay in a state of ruin where we expect someone else to come and rebuild what has been torn down.
This is unforgiveness–holding out for someone to pay you back for what was owed (after the storm of offense has passed). You don’t want to be here (unless you want God to hold you accountable for all the things you owe Him). Jesus explained this in the parable of the unforgiving servant (Matthew 18:21-35).
So holding onto unforgiveness is holding onto something that you think someone owes you. Here are two reasons to let that go. The first is that it keeps you in a place of being forgiven by your heavenly Father as Jesus explained in the parable above. But, the second reason is this. Holding onto unforgiveness is like holding onto bad debt. At some point, companies write off debt as not being able to be collected. It is just not worth pursuing it any longer, so they write it off or let it go.
This is the second reason why you should let go of what you think people owe you. Not only does it keep you in a place of being forgiven by your Heavenly Father, but it also keeps you from holding onto something that may simply never happen. In other words, it’s a waste of time. Your energy isn’t worth holding onto an expectation of someone “paying you back” what was owed to you.
So, forgiving someone is letting go of what is owed. If it is respect, care, kindness, or whatever else you can think of, it is to release that person from “owing” you what you may very well be owed.
It is not about righting the wrongs; it is about releasing the debt or what is owed. Just as God is no longer counting your sins against you, you are no longer counting the sins of others against them. You say to them (even if it is in your heart), “You do not owe me anything…I release you.” (Colossians 3:13)
Forgiving a debt is releasing that person and often can create a productive disconnection from an unproductive situation. You are no longer bound up by that situation or what that person did or didn’t do to you or for you. It becomes a new day as far as you are concerned.
You step into that new day happy and you feel like wow, I am so good to be free from that.
You are enjoying the day. Everything seems calm. God has brought you back to a place of wholeness and peace. His Shalom.
It’s like you are sitting on a park bench in a beautiful, peaceful spot. There is a nice cool breeze, the sun is out but you are shaded by trees. It is tranquil and peaceful.
You have made the decision that no one is going to owe you any longer. You are no longer going to be an “emotional debt collector.” It is a place of conviction that has brought you real peace. You have won the battle over unforgiveness which has brought you to a place of peace.
And you like it.
Then, all of a sudden, as you sit on this metaphorical park bench, a storm just comes out of nowhere. The wind starts to blow, the leaves start to rustle, and it starts to rain. As the rain comes down, it starts to come down harder and harder. The wind starts to blow the rain in different directions. It starts to become hard to see.
Your peaceful moment in the metaphorical park is gone.
And, that’s what the moment of an offense can feel like. It can feel like a storm that has totally overtaken you and your peace.
As I said, it is different than not forgiving. Not forgiving someone is you holding onto what is owed, but an offense comes in like an overwhelming force. It surrounds you. It suffocates. It causes you to act differently.
And just like you have no control over a storm coming in, an offense coming in can feel like that. It is not something you necessarily are expecting, and it is often not something you can predict or prevent. It can just come in like a change in the weather.
The title of this message is “Fencing Off Your Offenses.” If we can agree that in one sense an offense can feel like a storm and that it is not a healthy type of storm to stay in, the next question becomes how can we take shelter.
You can’t prevent an offense. It is going to come. There will be a moment just like a storm that you can’t predict or prevent.
It is going to come.
The question isn’t whether or not I am going to be confronted with a moment of potential offense; the question is how can I respond to that storm (or offense) when it happens.
And just as weather can occur at the most inconvenient time, so can a moment of offense pop up at the worst of times. It is like you are dressed in your best clothes and headed into a new job interview. You have 200 yards to walk. It starts raining and you don’t have an umbrella. It’s just not a good time.
That is how an offense comes in. It can range from a mild irritation to an outright dogfight of fury. Either way, it is a disruption. How you see that disruption can change it all.
Jesus was often disrupted. A disruption can be a divine appointment. What may seem like an interruption may actually be God preparing a moment for His divine disruption. It is something He has designed and prepared in advance.
Being at peace is powerful. When you work hard to forgive other people and you want to stay at a place of peace, you don’t want that peace interrupted.
Whether or not an offense overtakes you peace may come down to how you see that moment. There are a couple of ways to see it. One is what I mentioned above about a divine disruption. God could be using a moment of inconvenience to work something special in you or in those around you.
At other times, you may not see that. It may just be you being in the wrong place at the wrong time. It is part of the broken world we are in. There is no way to create a real rhyme or reason to it. And it probably is a waste of time to think about it too hard.
At the same time, God can take a moment of misfortune (that has no perceived rhyme or reason) and still work it out for your good. As a matter of fact, His promise is to work all things together for the good of those who love Him and have been called according to His purpose (Romans 8:28).
If we stand before him drenched from the “storm” of a moment of offense, He smiles and says, “Come on back to me, and let’s get you dried off.” He warms us back up in His presence. He helps us reset.
On the other hand, if I become upset about a moment that I feel is undeserved, inconvenient, or inconsiderate, then it goes from a place of unfortunate circumstances to a place of potential offense.
That is how an offense can take root. It becomes like a moment of a fortified city described in Probers 18:19. Nobody is coming in and you are not going to let anyone “win” in that situation. As a matter of fact, you may prefer everyone loses (including yourself) if it can’t be the way you want it.
It becomes a point of contention. And from that point of contention, we are now standing over that trap door described above. It hasn’t necessarily triggered yet, but it could at any second. It’s not a place to stand. It’s not a place to rest.
We want to have a clear fence around that area of offense so that we are not triggered into a place of despair. Once it is triggered it is too late. Storms may be unpredictable and offenses may come, but the way we respond is something we can prepare for. Just like young kids learn to train for a storm in elementary school, we can work to prepare for an incoming offense. We can see it coming.
When we see it coming we have to take action against it.
Now that we have taken the time to distinguish between offense and unforgiveness, let’s take some time to describe how we can build up our defenses against these offenses.
In the moment of offense, we can either be consumed in the moment or consumed by His presence. His intent for us is peace even in the midst of the storm. Psalm 32:7 (NIV) says, “You are my hiding place; you will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance.”
In the midst of the storm, look up. Look to the one that surrounds you with songs of deliverance. He can bring peace in the storm. Practically speaking we can praise Him in the moment. We can praise the fact that He is bigger than the moment.
There is a particular type of praise I would like to highlight for just a moment. “Shabach” praise (Strong's H7623) is the praise that calms the storm. It has the power to still me in the midst of chaos. It is used eleven times in the Old Testament. Five of these times it is translated “praise.” Two times it is used as “to still” and once as “to keep it in.”
Try it. When you start to fill the storm flood in from offense, pause and praise.
For a further study, take some time to study some of these verses to get a “feel” for how shabach praise is used in the Old Testament. To break it down a bit, I am going to highlight some of these uses and I am going to use shabach as a verb (in the sense of “to shabach.”)
1-To shabach (in praise) is to triumph. 1 Chronicles 16:35 (NKJV) and Psalm 106:47 (NKJV) both charge us to “Triumph (shabach) in Your praise.” Shabach is translated as triumph in this text. We should triumph in His praise! We level up when everyone else is sinking down. We link up when others are slinking out.i
2-To shabach (in praise) is to allow God to still the storm. Psalm 65:7 (NKJV) declares of God, “You who still (shabach) the noise of the seas.” Psalm 89:9 says of God, “You rule the raging of the sea; when its waves rise, You still (shabach) them.”
When we shabach in the midst of the storm, looking up, He looks down. Just as Jesus said to the storm, “Peace. Be still.” He speaks to our heart. He says, “Peace. Be still.” Our part is to praise; His part is to still our spirit.ii
3-To shabach is to hold back our feelings. Proverbs 29:11 (NKJV) says, “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds (shabach) them back.” Our shabach praise is an alternative to venting all we are feeling. Vent your feelings to the Lord, but not to other people. In the midst of a storm losing your cool doesn’t help anything. It only makes it worse.
To conclude this word study, let's try and paint a picture of how this Hebrew concept assists us in fencing off our offense and protecting us in difficult times. First, we triumph in the Lord. We shabach in His praise. Second, we allow our shabach praise to still our hearts. Third, we shabach our feelings before Him. We become triumphant, still, and poised in what otherwise might be a place of emotional or relational devastation caused by an offense.
Don’t allow an offense to be a trap. Put up a fence, and stand watch.
His presence will keep you triumphant, still, and poised.
In Jesus name.
Amen.
i It is an internal triumphing that no one else can touch or impact. You don’t have to have others come into agreement to triumph. You can triumph in your spirit. It may not even (initially) change your outward demeanor, but a shabach triumph infuses the power of the Holy Spirit internally and provides a source for you to deal with what is going on externally.
ii An internal stillness is a powerful force. David had a stillness in the Lord in facing Goliath. It is a steady force. Once again, I can stand still and solo. I can choose to shabach and allow Him to still me. Try it. I learned this word probably 20 years ago, and it is has proven beneficial to me in the moment when I consciously allow God to still my heart as I praise.
