Envy Series

7 Deadly Sins Series

June 29, 2008

Envy

Have you ever wanted something that was not yours? I dont mean just wanted it though. I mean like you really really really wanted it. But more than that. I mean like you wanted what someone else had so much that you actually wished that they didnt have it?

When I was in High School I had this friend. To be honest I wished I was him. He was in better shape than I was. Girls thought he was a lot more attractive than I was. He was a good guitarist. He was a great singer. He was an inspirational song writer. Of all the people I have known in life he is the most likely to become a celebrity. He was many of the things I wasnt. He was popular when nobody really knew me. He was funny and charming when I was a dribbling fool. He was gifted with something that drew people to him. I didnt have that. I wanted to be him so badly. I dreamed of walking up and instead of being me my brain would have gone and taken over his body and all his talent and skills would have come with it. He was a friend of mine, but I found myself resenting him because he was what I wished I could be. I wanted to have his skills his talents but it got so bad that I didnt just want what he had. I would have been happier if he just didnt have it. I wasnt just jealous of what he had. I was envious.

Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever wanted something so badly that you secretly wished that if you couldnt have it that no one could? Do you ever find yourself taking just a little bit of joy out of the failure of those around you? Maybe not like rejoicing in the suffering that they experience or when something really bad happens to them, but lets just say when the person sitting next to you sins. Do you ever find yourself taking a little bit of pleasure when you discover the sin of another person? Do you ever just maybe feel like your chance of getting into heaven is improved when the people around you sin? Do you ever find yourself thinking of your spiritual walk more like a competition than a journey? When the people next to you stumble that just makes you look even better. Have you ever felt that way? Have you been jealous maybe not of a someone elses stuff, but of their gifts, their abilities, the relationships, or maybe their Spirituality?

Lets call her Jane. Janes life did not go the way she wanted. It wasnt like she didnt have friends. That was not her problem. Her problem was that all of her friends were moving through life faster than she was. While her friends all managed to find really nice guys all she found were jerks. It seemed like all of her friends got married before she did. They all began their new lives, moved away, started careers, and took the next steps. Jane just couldnt get it. Things were taking longer than she wanted them to. Her five year plan was quickly turning into a ten year plan. Time was going by and it is not like she was getting any younger. Still she was not married. She was not even happy. Jane found that she started to resent those around her. She would look and see people happy in their marriage and she hated them for it. She wanted them to have to endure the misery she was enduring. I mean if she couldnt be happy no one should be happy.

Eventually Jane would marry. Ever the pessimist however it was too late in life. Her husband wasnt good enough. He wasnt perfect. No matter what he did or how he treated her it just wasnt enough to make her happy. Jane began to look at everything as negative. As the years went by her resentment toward others would only grow. She despised anyone who drove a nicer car than she did, anyone who lived in a nicer house, wore nicer clothes, had a better tan she resented anyone and everyone who had something she wanted. It actually got so bad that Jane found herself taking pleasure in the failures of her friends. Instead of offering sympathy and concern when someone she cared about had a problem in their life Jane actually enjoyed it. She had so much resentment and bitterness in her heart that she actually enjoyed the suffering of others, even the people she cared about. She wasnt always like that. Over the years she found herself unsatisfied with what she had. She blamed others and envied them. She lied to herself saying if she could get what they had she would be happy. Deep down she knew it wasnt true. Janes envy had grown from a mild disappointment to an all out resentment of others. Have you ever felt like Jane? Ever, resented a person simply because they had something you wished you had?