Eleven Qualities That Will Help The Pastor's Wife In Her Ministry To Women In The Church

This message is part of a series published in my book, "Lessons and Encouraging Words for Today's Christian Woman." It is a crucial message that I feel led to share, particularly with women in church and ministry leadership roles, especially pastors' wives.

Being a pastor's wife is often a challenging and sometimes frustrating journey. While I, too, face similar obstacles in my role as a Christian minister, I recognize that the unique pressures faced by pastors’ wives can be particularly intense. What’s more, pastors receive valuable training through pastoral schools and seminaries, but where do pastors’ wives turn for their guidance? They often find themselves thrust into this role without any formal preparation, which can be extremely daunting. It's essential that we acknowledge and support pastors’ wives in their critical, yet often overlooked, roles within the church.

Every so often, I believe the church places too many expectations on the wives of pastors. As a result, these women may experience burnout, depression, isolation, and feelings of being unappreciated. It is crucial for a pastor's wife to prioritize self-care and establish a balance between her home life, her profession, and her role within the local church. While many articles discuss the roles of pastors' wives in relation to their husbands and the church at large, I would like to focus more on the pastor's wife's role in the lives of the female church members.

I have been fortunate to serve alongside several exceptional ministers and their wives. However, I have also witnessed the challenges posed by others whose ungodly attitudes and unwise decisions have disrupted their congregations. My aim is not to criticize anyone but rather to support pastor's wives and other women leaders in the church, such as elders and deaconesses, in building stronger relationships with the women in their congregations.

Too often in local assemblies, especially smaller ones, I have seen conflicts arise between church members and pastors' wives. This dynamic should not exist!

Now the Bible does not address the involvement of the pastor's wife in any ministry. There is nowhere in scripture where it specifies where exactly the pastor's wife should serve.

And so just like any other born-again Christian with spiritual gifts and talents, you serve where you are called and gifted to serve. Having said this, keep in mind that when the Lord calls a man into the ministry, He calls the man and his wife (husband & wife have become one, Mark 10:8, Gen 2:24). When the mantle has been given to a man or woman of God to lead a congregation, they will be responsible for everything that goes on in that church.

And so, it is safe to say one of the major responsibilities of the pastor's wife in the church, is to oversee the affairs of the women's ministry amongst other areas. She must have a good rapport with all the female members of the church, and this includes the women department or ministry leaders (depending on church size).

I have several friends who are pastors' wives, and they come from diverse cultural backgrounds, denominations, and locations around the globe. Throughout our conversations over the years, they have candidly shared both the rewarding and the challenging aspects of their roles. The insights they've provided reveal common themes that can guide others in similar positions. Based on our discussions, I’ve outlined the essential qualities that they believe contribute to their effectiveness in church leadership.

These qualities are not only applicable to their relationships with all church members but are particularly significant in their interactions with the women in the congregation.

1. Apply wisdom - A Pastor's wife must choose her words carefully. In her speech and action, wisdom should be applied, some have driven members out of the church with their mouths. "She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. "Proverbs 31:26, The Bible also tells us to ask for godly wisdom if we desire it. "If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him. "James 1:5

2. Be Ready & Willing to Serve - A Pastor's wife must be ready and willing to serve others. She must be a woman with a servant's heart working alongside her husband to fulfill the vision and mission of the local assembly and be equipped to handle the challenges of the position.

3. Be Approachable - A pastor's wife must be approachable and make herself available to her members. It is important not to be standoffish; remember that you are a leader, and you never know when a church member may need counseling, a listening ear, or just a warm smile from you, which could make a significant difference in their day.

4. Be Real - Be yourself; you do not have to fake it to please anyone. You are human and have issues and weaknesses just like everyone else, so be true to yourself. If you are real with your church members, they will be more relaxed to share their life's issues with you. Some people can smell "fakeness" a mile away. Being one way at home, and another way in the church never works. Eventually, your true self will emerge.