Dtr Series

Purple - DTR

Defining True Relationship

Last week we had the Pre Purple talk. The talk everyone should have before they ever think about exploring the purple world. We discussed the need to know our place and purpose before we look for our person.

So I am not sure how relevant this is today but there used to be a whole social media movement where it was #______goals and one of them was #relationshipgoals.

One that is a little older than that is DTR, Defining the Relationship. That became a thing because there is some weird need to label and define everything in our life. If you are hanging with someone then there is pressure to define them as your boyfriend or girlfriend, when in reality is actually ok to spend time truly getting to know them first.

So let’s combine the two. I think you should absolutely have A relationship goal, but before you even get to that point in life, we need to DTR, Define True Relationship.

The first way we can do this is laying out some things that a True Relationship are not:

True Relationships are NOT what the world tells us they are. So let’s just explore that. What is accepted in the world, especially today, is generally not accepted in the eyes of God. Like here are some lies that I have heard often about dating and marriage. That you should live with a person before marrying them so that way you know it could work. Or how about you need to sleep with that person so you know that you are compatible. Like if you are a man and she’s a woman, then you’re compatible, period. How do I know that? Well because thats how God designed it. Romans 12:2 says Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what is the good, pleasing, and perfect will of God. This isn’t a suggestion from God’s word, this is proclaimed as a command, that we DO NOT be conformed to this world. The Greek for conformed means to shape one’s behavior after. But the end of this verse helps us to figure out what we need not be conformed to. It says if we renew our minds, that is daily spending time in the Word and in prayer, that we will be able to test what the world is teaching to see if it lines up with God’s perfect will. What the devil is good at, is disguising things in the world to make them look like they are good. We talked last week that God designed us for relationship, He instituted the first marriage, and said it was very good. But just because He designed us for relationship doesn’t mean we are free to chase relationship our way. If we follow what the world teaches, it will in fact lead us away from God’s perfect will. His will may be relationship, but true and right and God honoring relationship is His perfect will for us in this aspect. We will get to the opposite of this a little later

The next thing True Relationships are not is True Relationships are not about you. God’s design for relationship has never been and never will be about seeking self gain. Ephesians 5:25 says Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and GAVE HIMSELF UP FOR HER. Christ was much about doing what was best for us that He went to death for us. That is the example that we are supposed to follow. Now young middle school boy, there are almost no scenarios where you should go and die for some girl, high school boy, there is almost no scenario that you would lay down your life to bring the best for the person you think you love. True Relationships are a cycle of life. If you are seeking the best interest of the other person, that other person will naturally in turn look to your best interest and its a never ending cycle of life being breathed into two people, and when life is breathed into those two, those around them catch on, and then it can spread like a wildfire. But if even just one of the people is always self seeking, looking for only makes them happy, it sucks life out of the other and then out of the relationship and then out of those around the relationship. Love and sacrifice, love and selflessness are not separate things, Love is sacrifice and love is selflessness. I LOVE watching the Atlanta Braves. They play a minimum of 162 games in a year. I would watch ALL 162 games as a single man. BUT, now that I am married, and its not about what I want all the time, I may watch 60 of the 162, not because she doesn’t let me, but because her happiness is more important than mine, and time is valuable. Now the flip side is that there are nights she has no desire to watch Braves baseball, but she will as a sacrifice to make me happy. If either one of us cared more about making our own self happy, we would not have made it this far. So if True Relationships are not what the world teaches or about ourselves, then what are they about?