Dealing With Conflict

*Note: this is from teaching from our Church of God State Headquarters under Jerry Chitwood. I thought it would be great to share. I also have powerpoint if you will email me at: theedster13@yahoo.com also mention the teaching. I did organize it but did not put all of it together.

Dealing with Conflict

“Where two or three come together in Jesus' name... there will eventually be conflict.”

WEBSTERS-CONFLICT: 1. :FIGHT, BATTLE, WAR 2. a. competitive or opposing action of incompatibles: antagonistic state struggle resulting from incompatible or opposing needs, drives, wishes or external or internal demands 3: the opposition of person or forces that gives rise to the dramatic action in a drama or fiction.

3 Responses to Conflict

Escape

1. Denial-1 Samuel 2:22-25 Eli and his Sons

2. Flight-1 Samuel 19:9-10 David and King Saul

3. Suicide-Matthew 27:1-5 Judas

Attack

1. Assault-those of the synagogue attacked Stephen

2. Litigation - Paul (avoid Matthew 5:25-26, 1Cor 6:1-8 )

3. Murder-Acts 7:54-58 Killing of Stephen

Reconciliation

1. Overlook an Offense-Prov 19:11

2. Reconciliation-Mat 5:23-24, Gal 6:1 “restore gently”

3. Negotiation-Phil 2:4 “not look to own interests”

4. Mediation-Mat 18:16 “two or more”

5. Arbitration-1 Corinthians 6:4 “appoint Judges”

6. Accountability-Mat 18:17 ”tell it to the church”

Our Perspective is the Key! We are Christians First!

I. See Conflict as an Opportunity (Romans 8:28-29)

I Corinthians 10:31 Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. 32 Give no offense, either to the Jews or to the Greeks or to the church of God, 33 just as I also please all men in all things, not seeking my own profit, but the profit of many, that they may be saved. 11:1 Imitate me, just as I also imitate Christ.

A. To Glorify God

B. To Serve Others

C. To Grow to be like Christ

II. Get the Log out of Your Own Eye

Matthew 7:5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye."

III. Remember Your Goal is to Reconcile.

1 Corinthians 3:13 Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. 14 But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection.

IV. Remember Your Goal is to Restore

Jesus said in the context of a loving shepherd and wandering sheep Matthew18:15 "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother.

V. Always use the Bible as the system of Negotiation

"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others" (Phil 2:3-4; see Mat 22:39; 1 Cor 13:5; Mat 7:12)

1. Prepare (pray, get the facts, seek godly counsel, develop options)

2. Affirm relationships (show genuine concern and respect for others)

3. Understand interests (identify others' concerns, desires, needs, limitations, or

fears)

4. Search for creative solutions (prayerful brainstorming)

5. Evaluate options objectively and reasonably (evaluate, don't argue)

VI. Understand Some people are just Unreasonable

“God does not measure success in terms of results, but in terms of faithful obedience.”

What we must do

1. Control your tongue ("Bless those who curse you;" see also Eph. 4:29)

2. Seek godly advisors (identify with others and do not become isolated)

3. Keep doing what is right (see 1 Pet. 2;12, 15; 3:15b-16)

4. Recognize your limits (instead of retaliating, stay within proper biblical

channels)

5. Use the ultimate weapon: deliberate, focused love (see also John 3:16;

Luke 6:27-31)

VII. Pray about the situation constantly

1 Thessalonians 5:17 “Pray without ceasing”

VIII. Get help from the Church

Matthew 18:15 "Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 "But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that ‘by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.’ 17 "And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. 18 "Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven. 19 "Again I say to you that if two of you agree on earth concerning anything that they ask, it will be done for them by My Father in heaven. 20 "For where two or three are gathered together in My name, I am there in the midst of them."