Come Home To The Flock Series

Come on back to the flock!

By Rev. Chaz M. Brown

I am working in a local convenience store at nights for a well-known company. I see hundreds of people. I can see in many of them their eyes, and faces. I can see their pain and their suffering without their saying so.

One man in particular I see a lot I was in treatment with for drugs and alcohol.

He was a man that I had grown to love as my big brother. He knew exactly what I went through. He knew the pain I was feeling. He was the man that gave me sound advice to slow down and enjoy God’s great beauty of nature.

When he graduated from treatment, I hardly saw of him. I was saddened when One day after completing my rectification training with the local animal control center. He had returned to the world of drugs and alcohol. I was devastated when I asked him “ Are you still sober and clean” His response was “Yes Chaz I am”. He wouldn’t look me in the eyes. He had just finished buying a 40-oz beer. I had known better. The beer he was buying wasn’t for a friend of his, but for him.

I didn’t see him again for a long time. I had started seeing him coming into my store a few weeks ago, and I asked him again. “ Are you staying sober and clean” His response this time was “ No Chaz, I am drinking again.” I had told him this time, You can always come back. I’ll make a pot of coffee and leave the light on.

But when I looked into my friend’s eyes, I saw that my friend might not come home. His world is so full of misery.The world that I remember of being in pain and suffering. The world that is so full of hurt and anger.

I have joined a program of recovery that shows us how to turn our will and our life over to the care of God, as we understood him.

The Bible says in Psalms 55:22 Cast your burdens on the Lord, and he shall sustain you. He shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.

My therapist once told me that scripture when I was suffering of a verge of relapse. At the time I failed to remember my therapist have seen thousands of people suffer. I failed to see that he knew what they were talking about.

Some of the things we go through in life are.

1. Fear- We all fear something in life. Even the worlds toughest, scariest, most hated person or Mafia gangman has fear. The individuals that act that they aren’t scared of anything are often nine times out of ten scared of a lot of things.

2. Shame – We all suffer of shame. There is no way out of it. I remember sitting in a halfway house therapist’s office, and he was trying to get me to recognize my shame in being addicted to drugs and alcohol, and I had told him I was not ashamed. I actually was. I didn’t want people to know that I had done drugs or alcohol. I didn’t want my family to be ashamed of the man that once was a little boy, they remembered as so nice, polite and helpful had turned into this ugly hateful monster.

3. Beaten down (tiredness) – I was so beaten down by running all the time. I ran from the law, I ran from my wife, and children. I ran from my bills, I ran from my employers, I ran and kept running. I didn’t want to face the pain that I was about to endure, nor did I want to recognize that I was suffering already. I didn’t want anyone to know that I; Chaz was suffering of the nature of life.

Why did I tell the man I told you about he could always come back? I was also told to keep coming back by many others in the program of recovery. I have told lots of people that have returned to the world of what my therapist had called the power of familiarity. His exact words to us men in this halfway house were: RECOGNIZE THE POWER OF FAMILIARITY. Today I am going to change his words to the World of old familiarity. When was the last time you realized that every morning you done something, that was the same thing over and over?

I can remember one of them is when I woke up every morning, I would light up a cigarette, without thinking about it. I would also have sexual relations with my wife early in the morning, and take my time going off to work. I would reach under the seat of my pickup truck to slip a few sips of hard liquor in my coffee. I never so much gave it a thought to why I was doing that. I used to give the excuse that I use it to stay warm on the frigid cold mornings I used have to work in. I worked outside at a bean plant, it would be windy outside, and it was usually minus whatever degrees it would be outside. I usually froze every morning. The power of alcohol gave me the power to feel numb, and beat me up at the same time. I used to pass out and used to get written warnings of being late all the time. I never saw to it that I should have been on time either. I never gave it a thought at all, to why I drank in the early mornings before I worked. I never gave it a thought that I could kill someone or my self. Our explosion rate at the plant was 98%.