Brought To Life; Brought Together Disciple Your Children Series

We are continuing our series in Ephesians, Brought to Life; Brought Together. We are in Ephesians six today, looking at family relationships. Today’s message, Disciple your Children, is from 6:4. In 6:4, Paul tells us to nurture our children in the Lord, not by provoking them so they become frustrated and angry but by bringing them up, training them in the Lord. As Christians, followers of Christ, we should feel the weight of this calling and the hope of raising up your children to know and love and follow Christ faithfully.

Big Idea: God calls parents to be intentional about discipling their children.

Two Challenges

First, Paul warns parents, do not provoke your children to anger. He addresses fathers because as we have seen, God calls husbands to be the spiritual leaders in the home. Where there is no father, spiritual leadership falls on the mother (6:1-2). If the father is spiritually negligent, then it falls on mothers to do it. Spiritual leadership will look different for different families but everyone should know and look to dad as the spiritual leader. But mothers still have significant role. The example of Timothy and the writer of Proverbs demonstrate that mothers are to be involved in the spiritual nurturing of their children too (2 Tim 1:5; Prov 1:8; 6:20; 23:22; 31:26-28).

If you have been a parent for any length of time, you can identify with this warning. He is talking about parenting that is overbearing so that it frustrates children so they get discouraged (Col 3:21) and angry. He is not saying to never say or do something that will make your children angry. Rather he is warning us against parenting in a way that abuses your authority at the expense of the children. I want to give you six ways parents provoke their children. First, we provoke our children when we are being demanding for no good reason. We also provoke our children when we are inconsistent or parents hold different standards and expectations which confuses children. Third, we can provoke children when our discipline is not appropriate with the disobedience or disciplining out of anger. Fourth, we provoke our children when we are overly controlling or overly critical. Fifth, we can provoke our children when we expect more from them than is reasonable for their age. There is a difference between disobedience and childishness. And finally, we provoke when we rule without relationship.

Instead of provoking children, parents are to bring up children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. Bring up is the word Paul used in 5:29, referring to nourishing our own bodies. It emphasizes loving our children by looking out for their best interests, particularly their spiritual well being or discipleship. Discipline has positive and negative connotations. Positively it means instruction (2 Tim 3:16-17) and negatively, it means discipline as correction (Heb 12:7-11). It’s focus is on spiritual and moral development. Instruction is similar in meaning. It is made up of two words, mind and put and means to put something on the mind by instructing (1 Cor 10:11), admonishing, or correcting (Titus 3:10). So, you disciple your children by teaching and correcting them with the goal of shaping their hearts. Doing what is necessary, both positively and negatively, so that your children become grounded in the truth, shaped by the truth, and so live by the truth (2 Tim 1:5; 3:14-15).

The goal in this is not just obedience, but for your life and instruction and correction to shape their hearts so that Christ is attractive. And it is this attractiveness that draws them to want to follow Christ, come to faith in him for salvation and be formed by Christ so that live faithfully to Christ. Let me give you some wise counsel that I learned before I was even married, more is caught than is taught. If God is not the center of your life and all your kids hear about Jesus is during prayer at the dinner table and Sunday at church but the rest of your life contradicts this, then your kids will see right through you and not want anything to do with Christ. If they do not see you desperate for God then they will see no need to be desperate for God. If they do not see you joyful in God then they will pursue their joy in others things. You cannot give what you do not have. If your Christianity is purely cultural without spiritual vitality, then your kids will see it. Parents, following Christ means we order our lives around those activities and spiritual practices that will produce the fruit that you cannot produce by trying.

Give them Jesus

This is why he says, bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. The Lord brings up children through the spiritual nurturing of parents. Discipling your children has to be from the overflow of your own life in Jesus. What is the overflow of your heart? Father, mothers, does your family see you pursuing Jesus? Do they hear you talking about Jesus and pointing others to Jesus? Do they see that you love his church even though it is imperfect? Do they see you trusting God with your finances and being generous with those in need? Do they see you being an honest and hard worker? What do they see you get most excited about?