Being A True Friend Series

Now notice what Jonathan did in verses 3 & 4. “And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself.” That covenant was made at a very high level of commitment. It is not the kind of commitment that should be entered into lightly. It carries with it an aspect of a vow that is not to be broken. But what we must see in this is that serious friendships are based upon commitment. Loyalty comes out of commitment. When a person is committed to you then you can count on them when the going gets rough. It is commitment that will get us through the differences in opinion. We live in a society that has discounted the importance of personal commitment. That’s one reason the relationship draught exists. Those who enter into relationships simply for what they can get out of them and then move on when something else looks better—those people will generally find themselves relationally bankrupt somewhere along the way. Prov. 17:17 “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for adversity.”

This introduces my last point.

Consistently stand with your friends. That doesn’t mean that you agree with every thing they do. It doesn’t mean you flatter that person and just tell him what he wants to hear. Nobody can be a true friend and a flatterer at the same time. Prov 29:5 “Whoever flatters his neighbor is spreading a net for his feet.” Flattery is manipulative and ultimately destroys the trust relationship. It is very different from sincere admiration and encouragement.

In a healthy friendship there may be times when thinking people have to honorably agree to disagree on a point. One difference of opinion should not destroy a relationship if people have proper respect for one another. There should be a free and honest exchange of ideas and views in a healthy relationship. One may persuade the other through sound reason. But no one should be forced to agree just to sustain the relationship.

There may be times when differences surface that are so significant that the relationship can not go to a deeper level of commitment. How can two walk together except they be agreed?[12] Different levels of friendship require different levels of agreement of certain values and goals. But even in those cases, if hearts are right, a respectful relationship can be sustained.

It takes grace to sustain lasting relationships. You will fail your friend at times and your friend will fail you at times. If a person has to be perfect to be your friend, you probably will have a hard time finding friends—because there not very many perfect ones out there. What do you do when your friend blows it? What would you do if your friend failed morally in some significant way? Would you stand over him with a critical eye pointing out how much he disappointed and hurt you? Or would you come along beside him and help him walk out of the defeat? It is possible to tell a friend that you disapprove of his failure and at the same time confirm your commitment to him as a person. Rejecting a behavior is not the same thing as rejecting a person. We must understand that difference if we are to enjoy lasting relationships.