Be Reconciled To Your Brother Series

I want to ask a question to start off our message, and that is, “Whatever happened to reconciliation?” It seems as though there’s not a lot of reconciliation happening in our churches today among Christians. Probably the reason why is because reconciliation begins with confrontation; or rather, being brave enough to approach someone and say, “Hey, we need to talk about something.” I have come to realize through nearly twenty-five years of pastoral experience that the vast majority of people in our churches are afraid of confrontation. Perhaps in our vivid imaginations we envision it ending in an all-out brawl.

What we need to understand about strife, is that when two people have a disagreement it rarely stays between those two individuals. The strife effects everyone around. It affects family members and it affects church members. I have been convicted that – within the church – when there is no reconciliation among those having a disagreement, that it can hurt the fellowship of a congregation so badly that, if it is not resolved, a church can fall apart.

And I am not the only pastor who holds this conviction. Rick Warren is the pastor of Saddleback Valley Community Church in southern California; a church of over ten thousand people; and pastor Warren wrote a book entitled The Purpose Driven Life. In this book he says, “Many fellowships have been sabotaged by fear: No one had the courage to speak up in the group while a member’s life fell apart.” He continues to tell us that because of a lack of confrontation “thousands of fellowships have been destroyed.”(1)

He elaborates by saying, “Many church fellowships and small groups remain superficial because they are afraid of conflict. Whenever an issue comes up that might cause tension or discomfort, it is immediately glossed over in order to preserve a false sense of peace. Mr. ‘Don’t Rock the Boat’ jumps in and tries to smooth everyone’s ruffled feathers, the issue is never resolved, and everyone lives with an underlying frustration. Everyone knows about the problem, but no one talks about it openly. This,” Warren emphasizes, “creates a sick environment of secrets where gossip thrives.”(2)

When a church becomes sick, that’s when people begin leaving a church or lacking the motivation to be involved. I would like to point out, however, that if someone leaves a church because of problems, then that person is running away from the Christian’s responsibility to be a minister of reconciliation. And you might feel that there is a better church out there, but Warren tells us, “There is no perfect church to escape to,”(3) and he firmly states, “Reconciliation, not running away, is the road to stronger character and deeper fellowship.”(4)

Now you might be asking, “Aren’t we supposed to be peacemakers?” Yes, we are, but according to Warren, “Peacemaking is not avoiding conflict.” He tells us that “running from a problem, pretending it doesn’t exist, or being afraid to talk about it is actually cowardice. Jesus, the Prince of Peace, was never afraid of conflict. On occasion he provoked it for the good of everyone.”(5) “Peacemaking is not appeasement. Always giving in, acting like a doormat, and allowing others to run over you is not what Jesus had in mind. He refused to back down on many issues, standing His ground [even] in the face of evil and opposition.”(6)

Today, as we continue with our series on Matthew, and here in the Sermon on the Mount, we encounter some verses where Jesus preaches about confrontation and reconciliation; and I am going to take some time to look at one other passage from Matthew, plus a verse from the book of James. It is my hope that we will discover that confrontation and reconciliation is biblical, and that it is necessary for gaining healing and restored fellowship among believers.

Broken Fellowship Exists without Reconciliation (Matthew 5:23-24)

23 Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.

In this passage we see that reconciliation is necessary in restoring fellowship with God and fellowship with our brother or sister in Christ. This passage shows us that when we fail to confront a fellow believer, or communicate with them, then we have in our own lives a broken fellowship with God; and we also see that “Christ considered an unreconciled condition between brethren a hindrance to the proper exercise of worship.”(7) Restoring broken fellowship is so important, that Jesus commanded it take priority over worship.(8) If there’s tension between another Christian and ourselves, we cannot worship the Lord whole-heartedly until we are set free of those feelings; and this requires confrontation and reconciliation.