I want to ask a question to start off our message, and that is, “Whatever happened to reconciliation?” It seems as though there’s not a lot of reconciliation happening in our churches today among Christians. Probably the reason why is because reconciliation begins with confrontation; or rather, being brave enough to approach someone and say, “Hey, we need to talk about something.” I have come to realize through nearly twenty-five years of pastoral experience that the vast majority of people in our churches are afraid of confrontation. Perhaps in our vivid imaginations we envision it ending in an all-out brawl.
What we need to understand about strife, is that when two people have a disagreement it rarely stays between those two individuals. The strife effects everyone around. It affects family members and it affects church members. I have been convicted that – within the church – when there is no reconciliation among those having a disagreement, that it can hurt the fellowship of a congregation so badly that, if it is not resolved, a church can fall apart.
And I am not the only pastor who holds this conviction. Rick Warren is the pastor of Saddleback Valley Community Church in southern California; a church of over ten thousand people; and pastor Warren wrote a book entitled The Purpose Driven Life. In this book he says, “Many fellowships have been sabotaged by fear: No one had the courage to speak up in the group while a member’s life fell apart.” He continues to tell us that because of a lack of confrontation “thousands of fellowships have been destroyed.”(1)
He elaborates by saying, “Many church fellowships and small groups remain superficial because they are afraid of conflict. Whenever an issue comes up that might cause tension or discomfort, it is immediately glossed over in order to preserve a false sense of peace. Mr. ‘Don’t Rock the Boat’ jumps in and tries to smooth everyone’s ruffled feathers, the issue is never resolved, and everyone lives with an underlying frustration. Everyone knows about the problem, but no one talks about it openly. This,” Warren emphasizes, “creates a sick environment of secrets where gossip thrives.”(2)
When a church becomes sick, that’s when people begin leaving a church or lacking the motivation to be involved. I would like to point out, however, that if someone leaves a church because of problems, then that person is running away from the Christian’s responsibility to be a minister of reconciliation. And you might feel that there is a better church out there, but Warren tells us, “There is no perfect church to escape to,”(3) and he firmly states, “Reconciliation, not running away, is the road to stronger character and deeper fellowship.”(4)
Now you might be asking, “Aren’t we supposed to be peacemakers?” Yes, we are, but according to Warren, “Peacemaking is not avoiding conflict.” He tells us that “running from a problem, pretending it doesn’t exist, or being afraid to talk about it is actually cowardice. Jesus, the Prince of Peace, was never afraid of conflict. On occasion he provoked it for the good of everyone.”(5) “Peacemaking is not appeasement. Always giving in, acting like a doormat, and allowing others to run over you is not what Jesus had in mind. He refused to back down on many issues, standing His ground [even] in the face of evil and opposition.”(6)
Today, as we continue with our series on Matthew, and here in the Sermon on the Mount, we encounter some verses where Jesus preaches about confrontation and reconciliation; and I am going to take some time to look at one other passage from Matthew, plus a verse from the book of James. It is my hope that we will discover that confrontation and reconciliation is biblical, and that it is necessary for gaining healing and restored fellowship among believers.
Broken Fellowship Exists without Reconciliation (Matthew 5:23-24)
23 Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.
In this passage we see that reconciliation is necessary in restoring fellowship with God and fellowship with our brother or sister in Christ. This passage shows us that when we fail to confront a fellow believer, or communicate with them, then we have in our own lives a broken fellowship with God; and we also see that “Christ considered an unreconciled condition between brethren a hindrance to the proper exercise of worship.”(7) Restoring broken fellowship is so important, that Jesus commanded it take priority over worship.(8) If there’s tension between another Christian and ourselves, we cannot worship the Lord whole-heartedly until we are set free of those feelings; and this requires confrontation and reconciliation.
Not only does a lack of confrontation result in a rift in our fellowship with God, but it can also lead to broken fellowship within the body of Christ. We can’t just sit around hoping that things will get better by themselves. “In conflict, time heals nothing; it [only] causes hurts to fester.”(9) This passage emphasizes taking the initiative to restore broken fellowship. It says that if YOU “remember that your brother has something against you . . . be reconciled to your brother.” These verses do not say, “Wait for your brother to come to you first.” YOU must be the one to make the first move and attempt reconciliation.(10)
God’s Spirit Departs if we fail to Reconcile (Matthew 18:15-18)
15 Moreover if your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he hears you, you have gained your brother. 16 But if he will not hear, take with you one or two more, that “by the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.” 17 And if he refuses to hear them, tell it to the church. But if he refuses even to hear the church, let him be to you like a heathen and a tax collector. 18 Assuredly, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
This passage clearly speaks to us of the need for confrontation and reconciliation, but before going any further I would like to first talk about verse 18. The terminology we see here of binding and loosing is referring to spiritual warfare. The Greek word for “heaven” refers to the “spiritual realm.”(11) For example, in the New Living Translation, Ephesians 6:12 says, “For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood, but against the evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against those mighty powers of darkness who rule this world, and against wicked spirits in the heavenly realms” (NLT).
Verse 18 speaks of the correlation between our “action” and God’s “reaction.” It is saying that if we confront people and reconcile our differences, then God’s Spirit will be free to move in our church – it will be loosed, so to speak. However, if we live in strife and conflict then Satan will be loosed, and he will have free reign over our life and our church. So, the message we gain from verse 18, is that if we fail to make reconciliation then a move of God’s Spirit will be hindered in our life and in our church.
We can also infer that when we are dealing with difficult people that we are not actually wrestling with them, but we are battling against the spiritual realm. “One layman noted the problem with some of his fellow church members who seemed ‘called’ to oppose every aspect of the church. He said, ‘Some people are born again, and some are born against’.”(12)
We must remember Ephesians 6:12, which says, “For we are not fighting against people made of flesh and blood” (NLT), or “We do not wrestle against flesh and blood.” We need to approach every attempt at reconciliation with humility and compassion toward our brother or sister in Christ, keeping in mind the very real fact that they may not know what they are doing. Jesus said in Luke 23:34, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.”
Verses 15-18 speak of confrontation, but the point of confrontation is for the purpose of reconciliation, not revenge or discipline. Rick Warren says, “Real fellowship, whether in a marriage, a friendship, or your church, depends on frankness . . . [but] frankness is not a license to say anything you want [and] it is not rudeness.”(13) When we are frank and speak the truth during confrontation, we are not supposed to do it to place blame, or to humiliate, or to condemn. Humiliation and condemnation will only result in further and lasting wounds.
Notice that we must confront our brother or sister privately to cut down on humiliation. If our sincere initial effort at reconciliation is not successful, then we are advised to take another course of action. If the person fails to make reconciliation, we are advised to take someone else along, and if the issue cannot be resolved privately then it must be brought before the church.
Healing Results from Prayer and Confrontation (James 5:16)
16 Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much.
This verse is yet another that emphasizes the necessity of reconciliation. We read here, “Confess your trespasses to one another.” We have to be brave enough to go to one another before we can ever confess our trespasses. Right? So, what we see being taught here is confrontation.
The Holman New Testament Commentary, says, “The mention of ‘healing’ at the conclusion of this verse makes it likely that the sins to be confessed are those which have caused illness [including emotional illness] . . . The confessor of sins is seeking healing by the act of admitting sins.”(14) “Confess means to ‘say the same thing.’ It suggests that in confessing, we must identify the sin by its true name and call it what it is. We must acknowledge and repent of specific sins, not merely offer a general confession of guilt.”(15) So, this passage speaks of confronting one another, in order to receive emotional healing. But what I don’t want us to miss here is that reconciliation leads to healing.(16)
People are in need of both emotional and physical healing. The act of confession, as the Catholics have been aware of for about fifteen hundred years, will result in emotional healing, which is tied to psychological healing. The act of prayer will result in physical healing as God intervenes with His miraculous power. However, the body and mind are so closely connected that many physical illnesses can stem from mental illnesses. The point that James is making here is that confrontation is healthy, and prayer is a vital component.
But I believe that James mentions prayer in conjunction with confrontation for yet another reason. So, what might that reason be? Well, Billy Graham once said, “Hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything.”(17) Prayer is a vital part of reconciliation, for God works through prayer to prepare both our heart and the heart of the one with whom we are at odds. We can’t confront someone in anger and expect to solve our differences.
Galatians 6:1, in the New Century Version, says, “Brothers and sisters, if someone in your group does something wrong, you who are spiritual should go to that person and gently help make him right again. But be careful, because you might be tempted to sin, too” (NCV). We must be “spiritual,” so to speak, before confronting someone, which means that we must be in the right state of mind. And even if we have a calm and loving demeanor, Galatians 6:1 warns us that we could still be tempted to sin, meaning that we could still lose our cool. Prayer is vitally important for ensuring a calm and productive get-together. So, we see here that prayer first, and then confrontation will result in reconciliation and healing.
Time of Reflection
So, this morning, we have learned seven things about reconciliation. 1.) Reconciliation begins with confrontation. 2.) Confrontation is necessary in order to restore fellowship with God and fellowship with our brother or sister in Christ. 3.) Confrontation and reconciliation allow God to move in our church, and a lack of it allows Satan free reign. 4.) We need to realize that spiritual forces are at work, and that we are not up against people. 5.) Confrontation is for the purpose of reconciliation, not for revenge. 6.) Confrontation results in emotional and physical healing. And 7.) Prayer is a vital part of reconciliation, for God works through prayer to prepare both our heart and the heart of the one with whom we are at odds.
I hope this morning’s message will help us to realize that confrontation must be faced and not feared, for only through confrontation and reconciliation can we begin down the road to healing. The same thing holds true when it comes to the forgiveness of sins and receiving eternal life. We must stop running from God and confront the truth that living in sin and doing our thing has resulted in separation from the Lord; and we must acknowledge that it is up to us to repent, ask for God’s forgiveness, and confess Jesus Christ as Savior and Lord of our life.
NOTES
(1) Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2002), pp. 146-147.
(2) Ibid., p. 146-147.
(3) Ibid., p. 163.
(4) Ibid., p. 163.
(5) Ibid., p. 153.
(6) Ibid., p. 153.
(7) Jay Adams, Competent to Counsel (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 1970), p. 225.
(8) Warren, p. 154.
(9) Ibid., p. 155.
(10) Adams, pp. 224-225; Warren, pp. 154-155.
(11) James Strong, Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible (Peabody: Hendrickson), page 53 in the Greek dictionary, Strong’s number 3772.
(12) Special Sermons for Special Days, Paul Powell, 1993, p. 104.
(13) Warren, p. 147.
(14) Thomas Lea, “Hebrews and James,” Holman New Testament Commentary (Nashville: Broadman and Holman, 1999), p. 349.
(15) Ibid., p. 349.
(16) Adams, p. 105.
(17) Raymond McHenry, McHenry’s Quips, Quotes and Other Notes (Peabody: Hendrickson, 1998), p. 53.
