Be Friends With One Another

John 15:12-14: “Be True Friends to One Another”

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. You are my friends if you do what I command.”

Last year, a young woman from our area in California moved to Texas. I heard from her mother that after arriving, she attended a local church in her new neighborhood for three consecutive Sundays. Sadly, no one approached her—not even the pastor showed any interest in her. Feeling ignored, she decided to attend a Korean church much farther from her home. When her mom shared this story, it deeply grieved me. Even non-Christians could have done better. I believe it is essential for us to be kind, especially to new visitors in our gatherings. However, kindness alone isn’t enough; Jesus calls us to go beyond mere kindness.

Let me share another story about a woman I met years ago when she was in her mid-to-late 70s. She was desperate and lonely, and I prayed for her almost daily for several years. She had been a choir director and an active, dedicated member of a church with about 300 members. Although I’m sure she was respected and recognized, she confided in me that there was no one she could genuinely talk to about her heart—no one to truly listen to her.

Pastor Rick Warren once said, “We don’t need more friendly people; we need more friends.” Indeed, what this woman needed wasn’t just kind people but true friends.

I also want to share a story about my father. After a car accident left him paralyzed, he spent 25 years in various nursing homes before passing away 15 years ago. During that time, he endured almost constant pain, and unlike most patients who could spend their days in wheelchairs, my father stayed in bed most of the time because it helped reduce his discomfort. Whenever I visited, it was depressing to see him suffer.

One day, I asked him what the hardest part of living there was. Expecting him to say, “physical pain,” I was surprised when he said it was loneliness. Despite being surrounded by other patients, nurses, and caregivers—some of whom were kind—his loneliness persisted. Why? Because kindness alone couldn’t fill the void. My father needed more than kind people; he needed friends.

Not only my father but all of us—myself included—need genuine friends. As a church family and a Christian community, our goal is not simply to show kindness but to develop genuine friendships. Yet, as we gather week by week, month by month, and year by year, do we feel we are truly growing closer to one another?

Since June of last year, Brother Paul and I have been exchanging monthly prayer requests. One of his consistent requests was for a healthy community where you can be true friends to one another. As we age, we begin to recognize the importance of friendships, but ironically, the number of our friends often decreases. Why does this happen? I believe the Apostle Paul provides a profound answer in his letter to the Philippians: “No one cares about you Philippians, except Timothy. For everyone looks out for their own interests, not those of Jesus Christ.” (Philippians 2:21).

Paul highlights a fundamental issue: we lose friends because we prioritize our own interests above all else. Our own needs always take precedence, leaving little room for genuine relationships to deepen. There are always things more important than my friends and their needs.

Today’s passage—Jesus’ words to His disciples at the Last Supper—holds immense significance, almost like a final will. Just 52 or 53 days later, at Pentecost, the Holy Spirit would come upon the disciples, and the Church would be born. Jesus spoke these words with the future Church in mind, emphasizing the importance of love and friendship within the Christian community.

Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends” (John 15:13). Here, Jesus was pointing to Himself, as He was about to lay down His life for His disciples, whom He called His friends. His death on the cross demonstrated His deep desire to be our friend. The Bible affirms this: “He died for us so that, whether we are awake or asleep, we may live together with Him” (1 Thessalonians 5:10).

Jesus also said, “This is My command: Love each other as I have loved you” (John 15:12). This is not just a call to kindness; it is a call to be true friends, just as Jesus has been a true friend to us. We are Jesus’ friends if we do what He commands (John 15:14). But this is not just about loving Jesus—it’s about loving one another as He loves us. If we want to embody Jesus’ teachings, we must imitate His love above all else. Practicing this kind of love isn’t easy; in fact, it’s humanly impossible. Even Jesus’ disciples, after three years with Him, argued over who was the greatest during the Last Supper.