Anger (Part 3): How Should We Handle Our Anger Rightly? Series

After learning about factors that can cause anger and types of anger, today, we will learn how to handle our anger. People dealt with their anger in many ways. For example, Thomas Jefferson said: "If you are angry count to 10 before you speak. If you are very angry count to 100." Mark Twain revised those words 75 years later and said: "If you are angry count to 4. If you are very angry swear." (I do not recommend that). A story told when Abraham Lincoln had to write a letter to someone who had irritated him; he would often write two letters. The first letter was deliberately insulting. Then, having gotten those feelings out of his system, he would tear it up and write a second letter, this one tactful and discreet. In Japan, a few years ago, "Sakeboard Anger Management Shouting Jar" burst onto the market and became an instant global hit. The designed yet ingenious product "holds your anger," muting and muffling the sound so you can transform your loudest frustrations into whispers. Another way to handle anger is suggested by Yashica Budde, a licensed therapist who started a rage room where people can break anything there to ventilate their anger.

Some people displace their anger on others. Displacement is a psychological defense mechanism in which a person redirects a negative emotion from its source to a less threatening recipient. A classic example of the defense is displaced aggression. If a person is angry but cannot direct their anger toward the source without consequences, they might "take out" their anger on a person or thing that poses less risk. For example, a husband was upset with his boss at work, but he expressed his anger to his wife or children when he got home.

How should we handle our anger rightly?

1. Do not deny it. Some people do not want to admit that they are angry for some reason. It can be because they are afraid of the consequences if they are mad (e.g., if they are mad at their boss or superior, they can lose their job), look cool, or don't know how to express their anger.

2. Do not suppress it. Some people know they are angry, but they suppress it. They thought by suppressing their anger, they could convert it into more constructive behavior. The danger in this type of response is that if it isn't allowed outward expression, their anger can turn inward—on themselves. Anger turned inward may cause hypertension, high blood pressure, or depression. Unexpressed anger can create other problems. It can lead to pathological expressions of anger, such as passive-aggressive behavior (getting back at people indirectly, without telling them why, rather than confronting them head-on) or a personality that seems perpetually cynical and hostile. People who constantly put others down, criticize everything, and make negative comments haven't learned how to express their anger constructively. Not surprisingly, they aren't likely to have many successful relationships.

3. Express it. Someone said anger is mentioned 228 times in the Old and New Testaments. The Bible tells us it is okay to be angry. We do not need to deny or suppress it, but we should express it right. Apostle Paul says in Ephesians 4:26-27, "In your Anger do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold." So, how can we express our anger in the right way so that we do not sin?

a. We should control our anger. Our anger should not be triggered by impulse, short-tempered character, or inability to control our emotions. The book of Proverbs often tells us to control our anger and warns us of the consequences of losing our temper. For example, "A quick-tempered man acts foolishly, and a man of wicked intentions is hated." (14:17). "If you stay calm, you are wise, but if you have a hot temper, you only show how stupid you are." (14:29). "He who sows iniquity shall reap vanity, and the rod of his anger shall fail" (22:8). "Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end." (29:11). "An angry person stirs up conflict, and a hot-tempered person commits many sins." (29:22). We need to remember that ANGER is one letter short of DANGER. Dangerous anger made Cain kill Abel. It made Saul lose his throne, and Moses failed to lead Israelites to enter the Promised Land.

To prevent losing our temper, doing the technics of "count to ten" and take a deep breath several times can be helpful. But that is only dealing with the symptoms, not the root of the cause. The Bible tells us when we let the Holy Spirit lead us, His power will enable us to produce self-control that will enable us to love others, including our enemies, and control ourselves (Galatians 5:22-23).