In Christ, I Am...committed To Us Series

In Christ, I Am…Committed to US—Ephesians 5:21-33

We’re going to talk about marriage today—but not just marriage. The broader context in Ephesians is how people who are in Christ live together in love. Chapter 5 begins, “Follow God’s example, as dearly loved children, and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” In all of our relationships—with family, church, friends, or neighbors—we should be committed to helping others thrive and grow. Marriage is foundational to that.

Marriage is based on commitment—commitment to grow together. In our series, the card for this week is, “In Christ, I Am…Committed to US.” Christ motivates and empowers people to invest in their marriage, so that both of them can become all that God intends them to be.

Read Ephesians 5:21-33.

If you want to get a rise out of people, tell them the Bible says wives must submit to their husbands in everything. Some might want to applaud. (Some husbands know they would regret it later.) Some women might say, “…over my dead body,” and some men might feel pressure to be more dominant.

In today’s world, “submit” brings up an image of a controlling (even abusive) husband and a mousy, subservient wife. It should be clear that no wife should submit to abuse (physical, mental, emotional, or in the family). No wife should join her husband in evil, because God is a higher authority. And no wife should be so docile that she is irrelevant to the relationship.

However, if we think of submission in terms of a power struggle, we will be missing the point. Paul is quite clear that the husband is to submit, as well as the wife! He begins in verse 21 with, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” Some translations made the mistake of adding a title between verses 21 and 22, which obscured the connection. (Note: Early NIV had a title between; 2011 revision moved the title up.)

What is Paul’s main point? He begins with “Submit to one another,” and he ends with verse 33, “Each [husband] must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Paul is not talking about a power struggle; he is talking about mutual love and support.

To understand this passage, imagine a couple in Ephesus; we will call them Jason and Phoebe.

Jason and Phoebe had their eyes on each other, and their families thought they would fit well together. Jason scraped together a dowry, and they had a big wedding with all their friends. Then they had a couple of kids, whom they hope will grow up to take care of them in old age.

Jason figures his marital work is done. He invests his time and energy in his work, while Phoebe takes care of the house and kids. When he gets off work, Jason goes to the gymnasium or the trade guild hall, to hang out with his buddies. Phoebe takes care of the kids and household affairs, and she spends time with other women and their kids. It is a convenient arrangement, as long as they stay out of each other’s hair.

The truth is that Jason and Phoebe are not that into each other. They aren’t committed to the growth of their spouse, and they don’t share a greater purpose in their marriage.

Now Jason and Phoebe become Christians. They go to church in Ephesus, and on Sunday, the elders are reading a letter from the Apostle Paul. Jason hears verse 28, “Husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” That gets Jason’s attention, because he has noticed that when he pays attention to what Phoebe’s needs, his life is better. As the saying goes, “happy wife, happy life.”

Then Jason hears, “After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body.” He has been learning to think of the church as the body of Christ, but he hadn’t thought of that in relation to marriage. He will have to think more about what that means for his marriage.

As they come to verse 31, Jason gets a new vision for the oneness that God intends in marriage: “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” Jason has to admit that he and Phoebe aren’t really “one;” their marriage is more of a social convenience.

Of course, Phoebe is hearing the same teaching. She has been feeling disconnected from Jason for quite a while, and she thought that was just the way marriage was. Paul’s letter gives her a vision for a deeper connection.