Situational Engagement As A Strategic Father Series

Fathering, the Great Adventure

Becoming a father is one of the greatest adventures. In this moment, our identity and title forever change. Some of us are thrust into it, and others of us planned it; either way, it’s an adventure. Throughout Scripture, we see many different types of fathers and the positive or negative wake their legacy left behind. Take for example King Saul, in whom we see the Abusive Father; he had moments of embittered anger toward his son Jonathan (1 Samuel 20:30). In King David, we see the Absent Father who was absorbed in his ventures and therefore missed opportunities with his children (2 Sam 13:21). In High Priest Eli, we note the Abandoned Father who abdicated his leadership and failed to address his sons’ need for correction and direction (1 Samuel 2:22).

In Abraham, we see the image of the Appointed Father; through his incredible faith, he became the model man, leader, and husband (Genesis 18:19). In Noah, we see the Adventurous Father who despite challenges and obstacles plowed through hardship and led his family to safety and victory (Genesis 7:13–14). And we even have the Audacious Stepfather in Joseph who in a vision discovered his calling and became the human caretaker for the God of the Universe, Jesus Christ (Matthew 1:20). Regardless of the type of earthly father we have, we feel his wake, and our children will experience ours. The question remains, how can we be the best father to the children God has given us?

If you take the time as a father to observe your children, you will discover that they are each unique and respond to life in unique ways. You will notice how they respond to crises, how they make decisions, what entertains them, and what kinds of friendships they build. At each stage of development through infancy, childhood, adolescence, and the young adult years, you are going to witness varying levels of competence and confidence that require you to parent in different ways. The key is understanding how to engage your children individually, situationally, and strategically so that you can give them great advice and be the best dad possible. Here are a few things to keep in mind.

Three Keys to Being a Strategic Father

One | Each child is individually different

Every child in your home is going to be different and needs a different kind of love, coaching, directing, and challenging. Some kids need to be pushed. Some need to be loved. Some need to be disciplined—yes, my wife and I had one we disciplined more than others. Maybe you were that son. Regardless, God creates each one different and yet still in His image. These young image-bearers, therefore, are going to have different personalities, gifts, talents, temperaments, styles, and relationships through life.

Because they will go through rapid change through their youth, they will also experience certain stimuli, pressures, and physical changes that will be overwhelming for them—and for you too. While you are going to want each of your children to act the same, grow the same, mature the same, and believe the same, they won’t. Often, we fail to remember this, and thus our expectations of them are unrealistic, which adds undue pressure for them and for you. The hope you should have is one for change. For as soon as you get familiar with one challenge in a child’s life, be prepared for the change that might individually unravel you.

Two | Each child is situationally different

From one child to the next, children are going to be situationally a little different. Some of your children will learn faster, and others slower. Some will be ultra-responsible, and others won’t. Some will be orderly, and others a little messy. Some will be smarter, and others not so much. Some will have a physical ability, and others will be a little bit klutzy. We must also prepare for this. It can be a bit irritating when you realize you must expand your parenting methods, but again, this is God’s design. This leads to the third and critical point.

Three | Each child needs a strategic fathering approach

As fathers, our end goal is to move our children from dependence to independence. Or maybe it’s better said that we want them to move from dependence on their earthly father to interdependence on their heavenly Father. Keeping this in mind, we need to embrace a strategy that supports this process. But we also need one that incorporates individual and situational differences. And here’s a strategy that can help. Consider your role and engagement with each child and situation through the lens of one of four roles: director, coach, supporter, and observer.

Every situation and child will at some point need one of these four fathering approaches. These correspond to different involvement levels moving from very involved to less involved. First, a father who is a director is one who tells it like it is. He commands, directs, and determines the direction. There are times we are called to direct as men, leaders, husbands, and fathers. We should not be directing all the time, but certain times demand this level of involvement. Out of concern for injury, at the emergence of spiritual issues, or at the threat of future danger, we may need to direct.