3 Putting On The New Self Series

Every morning we face the world with this momentous decision. “What am I going to wear today?” If you are doing something important in your job you might put on your very best, just that combination that says I am confident, but not too pushy. Something creative, but not weird. Something conventional to say I fit in with this group, but still says I’m a unique individual as well. Maybe you want to show a dash of creativity with brighter colors or blend in with everyone else by wearing something more plain. Or if it’s a day when you are really needing to relax, you might put on something comfortable, old, something that helps you feel relaxed, something that says to the people you run into, I’m off duty today, let’s be comfortable. That’s a big decision every morning.

And if you think that’s hard enough, I’m partially color blind, so I often have to get permission from my wife for the combinations I pick out.

And the clothes we put on, the identity that we choose to assume, with each wardrobe change has a very real affect on how we feel through the day. There’s the old saying that ‘clothes make the man.’ It’s a partial truth. We have some real choices in how we see ourselves, our self-image.

Most of us, when we were teenagers, went through stages. There might be a studious stage, when a particular teacher in school catches our imagination and we really throw ourselves into it. There might be a rock star stage, where all we want in life is the fame and excitement of the rock star life style. I never had dreams of being a rock star, but I remember when my records meant everything to me. There might be a rebel stage when we challenge every value of our parents. Most kids go through such things, ‘trying on’ different identities to see how they fit, experimenting with who they want to be. And wise parents give them some slack so they can learn from it all, while setting enough limits to keep them from getting themselves hurt. And it is so important for teens to have a variety of adult friends, potential role models, so that they can pick and choose traits that that they see in those adults.

From my home church I remember watching Mr. Falkner’s sense of humor because I wanted to take that skill from him. I remember watching the whole Ritzenthaler family, wanting to learn from their mix of creative fun and deep devotion to God.

Even as an adult, I’ve gotten useful material for deciding who I will be from learning about my family history. I enjoy digging out my ancestry. I grew up in the far northwest suburbs in a neighborhood with good schools and a feeling that there was unlimited opportunity ahead for us. I value that very much, but that’s not a good place to learn compassion for those who don’t have many opportunities.

Then I started asking questions about my grandparents and filling in their lives. I never knew them very well. I learned that my mother’s father grew up very poor in rural Indiana. He had bad eyesight all his life, so school was difficult. He had to drop out of school after the sixth grade in order to go and work in the fields so that his family could get by. In the first years of his marriage they had to move frequently from farm to farm as a hired hand, anywhere he could find work.

With his father-in-law’s help he was finally able to buy a small farm, 23 acres with a three-room farmhouse on it. And he was so ingenious and industrious in the way he made a life for his family there. When a house nearby was scheduled for demolition, he offered to tear it down for free so that he could keep the materials. And he saved every board and every nail and window and he added a new kitchen and a bathroom with indoor plumbing to his little house. He took off the roof and added an entire second story.

And he worked incredibly hard, growing corn and hay, milking his dairy cows every morning, very early, and then again each evening, with never a day off. They raised rabbits, chickens, hogs and geese. When he heard of road work going on in the area he would get the contract to supply gravel and he would hitch up his wagon, shovel gravel out of his creek to fill it up, and then deliver it to where the road work was going on. And then at the end of the day he would go home and drill his kids on their spelling and their math facts so that they could have opportunities that he never did.