Offense Defense - Pt. 3 - Handling Hurt Series

I. Introduction

In 1990, I graduated and moved to SC. Applied to receive license. Election year. If we let you get your license with long hair it will cost us votes. The Bishop at that time stepped in and made it possible to get my license. But then he taught me a very valuable lesson. He pulled me to the side and helped me develop an offense defense. He said you can allow this to make you bitter or better. The choice is yours. He was right. We have to know how to handle hurt. Jesus said that it is impossible to not encounter offense. So, if it is a given then what do we do when we find ourselves in an offended moment. Now, before we go any further I could certainly dive into Matthew 5 about going to make the matter right when a relationship is broken. Leave your offering at the altar. Or Matthew 18 - go and tell a brother he has offended you and if he won't listen then take a witness. Those are the practical steps laid out for us and they should be followed. However, it seems that in the environment we are in today more times than not either people refuse to accept fault and adjust. So how do we handle hurt? If people are going to offend us and then refuse to admit they have done so and certainly refuse to change actions and attitudes so that it won't happen again, then how do we proceed? How do we navigate that? How do we keep our sanity and our salvation? How do we stay out of jail?

I want to mention 3 things today that we are going to need to do if we want to handle hurt right. The good thing about all 3 of these things is that we can do them. We don't have to have the other person's participation or permission. These steps will allow us to walk in freedom from offense.

The first step in defense for offense will probably seem odd to you so I am just going to say it and then I will prove I am right.

Being rooted in God's Word is our best offense defense.

Text: Psalms 119:165

Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.

David says that those that love your law or your Word have such great peace that nothing shall offend them. There is that profound word again . . . nothing. The Word is such a powerful tool in defending against offense because the Word helps us know who and whose we are. The Word helps produce peace in our hearts. The Word tells us what God thinks about us. The Word of God tells us about our end. The Word of God is our defender. Our shield. Our refuge. Our strong tower.

So, if we are rooted in the Word and all the truth that it gives us we are not susceptible to lies, exaggerations, and rumors. If we love the Word, then we won't be deceived by our enemy who would like to blow things out of proportion, who will lie about motives and intentions, who will make mountains out of mole hills, who will try to divide and conquer.

So, the logical conclusion is that since I personally know no one, including the person speaking to you, who isn't susceptible to offense then I must also conclude that everyone I know is vulnerable to offense due to our lack of love/interaction/knowledge of the Word. No Word no peace when faced with offense.

The truth is most of us don't handle hurts very well because we love our rights more than we love His writes!

If we want to handle hurt correctly, then we must also make a commitment to love His Word. Not just lip service - I love His Word - but proven by devouring it so that we know how to handle the Word so that it will have the ability to handle us. It is the Word that helps us see other people as God does. Rightly discern tough situations.

Step one to handling hurts is to make sure you are immersed in the Word! You can do this even if the person who offended you never apologizes, acknowledges their error, approaches you with an olive branch. You can allow the Word to become your defense.

Grace given should result in grace giving.

I think the 2nd step to appropriately handling hurt is to stop a second and remember the grace we have received.

The truth is that "forgotten grace breeds unforgiving living."

Some of us struggle to handle offense simply because we have conveniently forgotten how much forgiveness has been given to us. Therefore, when we are wronged we want revenge and justice and there is no room in our hearts for mercy.