Dealing With Those Who Hurt Us (Forgiving) Series

The Importance of Forgiving Others

Bob Marcaurelle

face book / bmarcaurelle@charter.net

“Get rid of all bitterness and anger / (have) no more

hateful feelings. Instead, be kind and tenderhearted/

Forgive one another as God has forgiven you through

Christ. Since you are God’s dear children, you must try

to be like Him. Your life must be controlled by love, just

as Christ loved us and gave His life for us, as a sweet

smelling offering and sacrifice that pleases God.”

(Ephesians 4:31-5:2)

Jesus said, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44).

The term enemy is strong, and few of us, thank God, face all out attacks. I like to define an enemy as someone who poisons your dog; insults your wife; talks bad about you to others; etc. Has anyone ever hurt you, lied about you, insulted you, let you down or taken advantage of you? The closer they were to you, the deeper the hurt. Friends and family, who do us wrong, drag the knife across our hearts.

The important thing is, what we do about it? Most of us have given up the desire for revenge but, if we are honest, there are a few names we wouldn’t mind seeing in the obituary column. Any kind of lingering hostility leaves a deep poison inside of us that the Bible calls, “bitterness”. Waters on a lake appear calm and clear, but the mud can be stirred and come to the surface. It is the same with us. The encounter with or thought of certain people pushes our “anger button”. We hold the anger in and make it a “bitterness button”.

WHAT ARE WE TO DO

A man in his 80’s said he did not have any enemies or did not know of anyone who did not like him. When asked how he, in his 80’s, could have no enemies, he said, “I outlived every one of them.” That is one way to do it, but the better way is to out love them. Jesus explains:

“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Do good things for those who hate you.” (Matthew 5:44 / Luke 6:27)

And this is unbelievably difficult.

In Michael Christopher’s play “The Black Angel” a Nazi general named Ingalls was released after serving 30 years for the massacre of civilians by his troops. A French journalist named Moreault, whose whole family died in the massacre, went to the town where Ingalls moved, told the story and incited the villagers to kill him.

Before they went, he got them to let him go ahead of them and tell Ingalls of his fate, face to face. The bitterness that consumed him needed to be expressed. When what he confronted was a weak, tired old man, his desire for vengeance died. He told Ingalls what he had done and offered to lead him to safety. “On one condition,” the old man said, “that you tell me that you forgive me.” Moreault clinched his fists and his mouth tightened. Save him from death, yes; but forgive him, never. The villagers came, burned the cabin and shot Ingalls dead. And the rest of the story? Moreault went to his grave consumed by bitterness, refusing to love and to forgive.

Forgiveness begins with love

. We are to work, seek and pray for the attitude of love that heals us of inner bitterness and makes us willing to forgive. The New Testament word for Christian love (agape) is not, “A warm affectionate feeling” (phileo). It is the Greek term for charity (agape) - helping others in need. We are to want what is best for the person who hates or hurts us and even help make that happen. It means our greatest desire is for them to repent, and seek to get right with God and us.

Jesus would never tell us to love the drunk driver who kills our child the same way we love our children and our best friends. Strangely, a bond of understanding and even affection can slowly develop over time. There is an organization that leads people whose loved ones have been murdered, to visit their killers in prison. The purpose is to help victims lessen the bitterness. Sometimes it doesn’t work, but most of the time it does. And there are times, when hate turns to empathy and a slight bond of friendship develops. This healing is part of the way God has created us in His image. The Bible says, “It is the glory of a man (human being) to overlook a wrong.” (Prov. 19:11).

Abraham Lincoln, hated by many people from the

North and the South said, “I destroy my enemy when I make him my friend.”

Forgiveness means we forget.

In His forgiveness of us, the Bible says, “God, remembers our sins no more.” The person who says, “I will forgive but I won’t forget,” has not forgiven. Of course we cannot remove the conscious memory, but we can get to the point that it is as though it never happened. By an act of the will, we put hostility and bitterness out of our minds. John Chrysostom says, “Wrongs done against us should be like a spark that falls into the sea and is immediately quenched.”