The Importance of Forgiving Others
Bob Marcaurelle
face book / bmarcaurelle@charter.net
“Get rid of all bitterness and anger / (have) no more
hateful feelings. Instead, be kind and tenderhearted/
Forgive one another as God has forgiven you through
Christ. Since you are God’s dear children, you must try
to be like Him. Your life must be controlled by love, just
as Christ loved us and gave His life for us, as a sweet
smelling offering and sacrifice that pleases God.”
(Ephesians 4:31-5:2)
Jesus said, “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matthew 5:44).
The term enemy is strong, and few of us, thank God, face all out attacks. I like to define an enemy as someone who poisons your dog; insults your wife; talks bad about you to others; etc. Has anyone ever hurt you, lied about you, insulted you, let you down or taken advantage of you? The closer they were to you, the deeper the hurt. Friends and family, who do us wrong, drag the knife across our hearts.
The important thing is, what we do about it? Most of us have given up the desire for revenge but, if we are honest, there are a few names we wouldn’t mind seeing in the obituary column. Any kind of lingering hostility leaves a deep poison inside of us that the Bible calls, “bitterness”. Waters on a lake appear calm and clear, but the mud can be stirred and come to the surface. It is the same with us. The encounter with or thought of certain people pushes our “anger button”. We hold the anger in and make it a “bitterness button”.
WHAT ARE WE TO DO
A man in his 80’s said he did not have any enemies or did not know of anyone who did not like him. When asked how he, in his 80’s, could have no enemies, he said, “I outlived every one of them.” That is one way to do it, but the better way is to out love them. Jesus explains:
“Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you. Do good things for those who hate you.” (Matthew 5:44 / Luke 6:27)
And this is unbelievably difficult.
In Michael Christopher’s play “The Black Angel” a Nazi general named Ingalls was released after serving 30 years for the massacre of civilians by his troops. A French journalist named Moreault, whose whole family died in the massacre, went to the town where Ingalls moved, told the story and incited the villagers to kill him.
Before they went, he got them to let him go ahead of them and tell Ingalls of his fate, face to face. The bitterness that consumed him needed to be expressed. When what he confronted was a weak, tired old man, his desire for vengeance died. He told Ingalls what he had done and offered to lead him to safety. “On one condition,” the old man said, “that you tell me that you forgive me.” Moreault clinched his fists and his mouth tightened. Save him from death, yes; but forgive him, never. The villagers came, burned the cabin and shot Ingalls dead. And the rest of the story? Moreault went to his grave consumed by bitterness, refusing to love and to forgive.
Forgiveness begins with love
. We are to work, seek and pray for the attitude of love that heals us of inner bitterness and makes us willing to forgive. The New Testament word for Christian love (agape) is not, “A warm affectionate feeling” (phileo). It is the Greek term for charity (agape) - helping others in need. We are to want what is best for the person who hates or hurts us and even help make that happen. It means our greatest desire is for them to repent, and seek to get right with God and us.
Jesus would never tell us to love the drunk driver who kills our child the same way we love our children and our best friends. Strangely, a bond of understanding and even affection can slowly develop over time. There is an organization that leads people whose loved ones have been murdered, to visit their killers in prison. The purpose is to help victims lessen the bitterness. Sometimes it doesn’t work, but most of the time it does. And there are times, when hate turns to empathy and a slight bond of friendship develops. This healing is part of the way God has created us in His image. The Bible says, “It is the glory of a man (human being) to overlook a wrong.” (Prov. 19:11).
Abraham Lincoln, hated by many people from the
North and the South said, “I destroy my enemy when I make him my friend.”
Forgiveness means we forget.
In His forgiveness of us, the Bible says, “God, remembers our sins no more.” The person who says, “I will forgive but I won’t forget,” has not forgiven. Of course we cannot remove the conscious memory, but we can get to the point that it is as though it never happened. By an act of the will, we put hostility and bitterness out of our minds. John Chrysostom says, “Wrongs done against us should be like a spark that falls into the sea and is immediately quenched.”
“Love does not just forgive and forget.
Love remembers and forgets.” – David Jeremiah
A woman, trying to stir up more conflict, asked a lady what she thought about a certain person who had hurt the lady. She responded by praising the person and pointing out all her good qualities. Shocked, the trouble maker said, “How can you say that? Don’t you know all the bad things
she is saying about you?” The lady answered, “No, I distinctly remember that I forgot all about that.” When Abraham Lincoln had a similar experience, he answered, “You did not ask me what he thinks of me, but what I think of him”
Forgiveness means we do good (Lk. 6).
We should treat those who hurt us like we treat everyone else; by the golden rule of doing for others what we want others to do for us (Matt. 7:12). Sometimes, especially in matters of misunderstanding, we should actually go to the person and seek reconciliation. Matthew 5:23 says we should do this “if our brother has something against us” and Matthew 18:15 says we should do it, “if we have something against our brother.” In other words, two Christians should meet each other on the street going to the other’s home to seek restored fellowship. But this should not be an iron clad law. Going to others can often do more harm than good. Here, we must let the Spirit of God lead us.
Forgiveness is possible.
On the cross, Jesus prayed for His murders, “Father forgive them!” (LK. 22:41). The words of the hymn describing this are beautiful:
“Praying for sinners, while in such woe,
no one but Jesus ever loved so.”
But this is misleading. About five years later, a young preacher named Stephen, prayed the same prayer for those who stoned him to death (Acts 7). Like him, millions of Christians, just like you and me, have refused to travel the highway of hate; and by the grace and power of God have been able to forgive.
WHY DO THIS
We are to attempt to do this first because the Lord asks us to.
Colossians 3:13 says, “Forgive as the Lord has forgiven you.” Forgiveness is treating others the way God treats us.
We are to do it for the Kingdom.
The Bible says, “Do not be overcome by evil; but overcome evil with good.” (Rom. 12:17). Jesus said, “Win your brother.” (Mt. 18:15). He told His followers, “By this all people know you are my disciples-if you love one another” (Jn. 13:35). Almost every Bible scholar believes this was the prime reason Saul, one of the murderers of Stephen and a witness to his forgiveness of him, was converted and became Paul (Acts 8-9).
A young soldier read his Bible and knelt in prayer by his bed every night, even though his fellow soldiers nicknamed him “preacher boy” and laughed at him. One night as he knelt, a soldier threw his muddy boots, one at a time, hitting him in the head. When that soldier awoke and started to go get his boots and clean them, he found them at the foot of his own bed, already cleaned and polished. We hope the young Christian’s actions helped that abusive young man to get right with God. But even if it didn’t, he did the right thing, and that is what matters most in this life.
Finally, we do it for ourselves.
We do it to have our prayers answered
Receiving God's help and blessings through prayer is conditional. We must have faith (James 1:1-6) and we must obey His commands. (I John 3:22). In the Lord's Prayer he singles out one command That we must obey and that is to forgive others. When we have bitterness and an unforgiving spirit our prayers rise no higher than the ceiling.
We do it for our health.
The Bible says, “A cheerful hearts does good, like a medicine.” (Prov. 17:22). Doctors say bad emotions cause half of such things as high blood pressure, arthritis, headaches and depression. Psychologists even define depression as “anger turned inward”. An unforgiving spirit leads to bitterness and holding bitterness in our is like trying to hold acid in our hands
We do it for our relationships.
Unforgiving people are unhappy and irritable to those they love. Angry at others we take it out on the dog, the cat, the kids, and our husband or wife. The only one we do not hurt is the person who did us wrong. In fact, they find joy in knowing they still bother us.
We do it to influence those we love.
When David walked from Jerusalem in defeat, a man named Shimei cursed him and threw rocks and dirt on him (2 Sam. 16:13). David wouldn’t let his soldiers kill him. When David came back in victory, Shimei begged for mercy and got it (2 Sam. 19:18). But years later, on his deathbed, David called his son Solomon to him and told him to take the revenge (1Kn. 2:9). When Solomon was old he turned away from God to serve idols (1Kn. 11). Could one reason be the sorry example set by his father, dying in bitterness and going back on his word? Our sins lead often to our children’s sins because they follow in our footsteps.
We do it to be free.
Isaiah 59:19-21 says, “the wicked are like the troubled sea…there is no peace, says God, for the wicked.” This is especially true for the wickedness of bitterness. The man you hate owns and controls you. You can be in a restaurant eating steak and having fun with your family. Then “he” or “she” walks in and you’re ready to go. You have given your happiness to the controls of the person you hate or let hurt you.
In the middle of the night a stranger called me. She wanted to be a Christian but could not stop hating her stepfather who had sexually abused her years before. I told her she didn’t have to love him to be saved but needed to ask God to give her the desire and then the ability to forgive him. She said she couldn’t and I told her, “Then you are still letting him hurt and control you. Don’t give him that power.” Her last words were, “I’ll try!” For her sake, I hope she did.
The Grizzly Bear is the meanest animal on earth and one of the strongest, but an animal in Yellowstone Park, weighing less than four pounds can walk up and take his food. It is the skunk. The Grizzly, says Dale Carnegie, could smash him with one blow, but he doesn’t, because he knows THE HIGH COST OF GETTING EVEN. An old Chinese proverb said. " When you set out on the path of revenge dig two graves. one for your enemy and one for yourself." Commenting on Ephesians 5 I Warren Wiersbie said:.
Forgiving others is treating them like Jesus treats you
