They May Not Break Bones But Words Can Still Hurt. Series

OPENING

SENTENCE: I was surprised when I heard some time ago that scholar Ruth Tucker was divorcing her husband for domestic violence.

INTRODUCTION: Most of you probably don’t know who Ruth Tucker is. She was a Ph.D. missions’ professor at Trinity Evangelical Seminary and is considered by many to be a leading expert on the topic. I have heard her speak several times over the years. One at seminary some years ago and another at a conference I attended on Mormonism at Salt Lake City.

What made it surprising is not just the fact that she is a highly educated seminary professor but that her husband was, using her words, “an intelligent, articulate, well-educated minister who had served in two Bible churches, taught for six years at a Bible college, and edited books for two Christian publishers.”

Of her experience, she says, “During our marriage, my ex-husband hit me, squeezed my arms black and blue, yanked me around, threw me on the floor, and kicked me. But it wasn’t until the last few years that his demeanor darkened, terrorizing me with his threats. During the last year of our marriage, I truly feared he would kill me and it was then that I began writing a journal.”

She later says, “Anyone who imagines that domestic violence is just the stuff of “ghettos” and “trailer parks” is wrong. Anyone who imagines domestic violence is just the stuff of unbelievers—people outside the church—is wrong. Anyone who imagines that the pastor in the pulpit could never be a perpetrator of domestic violence is wrong.”

TRANSITION

SENTENCE: Some of you have already heard my story with my stepfather and in my case, the abuse was only verbal- for my stepsisters, on the other hand, it was physical as well.

TRANSITION: While the O.T. addresses it a few times the N.T. never directly addresses the question of domestic violence- but it does speak about anger and more specifically the tongue and its power. Domestic violence starts with the heart and reveals itself in words and actions.

SAY WHAT YOU ARE GOING TO SAY: This morning I want us to address the issue of the tongue and ask, “Why is it important to learn to control your tongue?” We will learn you are judged by what you say and your words reflect what’s in your hearts and have consequences for good or for bad.

TEXT: James 3:1-12

THEME: Taming the tongue is vital to healthy communication in marriage.

Why is it important to learn to control your tongue?

I. You will be strictly judged by what we say. (1-2)

Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2 We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.

A. It is why many should not become teachers. Teachers use words to communicate ideas and not all ideas are equal. One of the greatest dangers of our contemporary culture is that it teaches that all ideas and beliefs are equal- no one is better than another. There are at least two problems with this philosophy. One, there is such a thing as objective truth. Something cannot be both true and false at the same time. Truth discriminates against falseness. Second, there is no way you can be intellectually consistent with this philosophy in that the moment I make a claim such as, “Jesus is the only way to salvation” then you must either accept it as equal and reject all other religions, or you must reject it and in doing so deny your philosophy- but you cannot do both.

Jewish culture understood that words and ideas have consequences. They understood that false ideas can lead to devastating consequences so they guarded who could teach. The words of teachers shape the values and actions of a society and not only man but God judges him for the ideas that he teaches. That is James point here. We will be judged by what we say.

Paul tells us in Ephesians that we are to “speak the truth in love”. Truth doesn’t care about your feelings. Jesus spoke of words of truth and offended many- that is why they killed him. But, His goal was never to offend. Speaking the truth in love is about using words to transform people into becoming more like Christ- and sometimes that is painful to the one who hears it.

B. It reflects on your ability for self-control.

Sometimes we say things out loud that we later regret like the movie character who kept saying after an offensive comment, “Did I say that out loud?” It is a wise and disciplined man who uses his words guardedly and always with the right motives.