"grief (Part 2): Biblical Response To Kubler-Ross's Stages Of Grief" Series

Last week we learned that grief is a normal response to the loss of any significant person, object, or opportunity. The Bible tells us that many people of faith, even Jesus, grieved. So, it is okay to grieve and cry. But do not grieve like the unbelievers who don't have hope. Do not dwell in your grief! Do not let grief take control of your life so that you lose peace and joy and fail to accomplish God's mission in your life. Sadly, there are people, even Christians, whose grief is abnormal, pathological, and complicated. This is the grief that is intensified, delayed, prolonged, denied, or otherwise deviating from the more common expressions of sorrow. Today we will learn how to avoid this complicated grief.

Grief has gripped people since the beginning of human existence, so it is not surprising that counselors have studied bereavement carefully. In 1975, a psychiatrist named Elisabeth Kubler-Ross published a book titled "On Death and Dying" that soon became popular. This book stimulated the development of a whole new body of literature and a field of study known as "thanatology" – the branch of knowledge that deals with dying, death and bereavement. In her book, Kubler-Ross identified Five Stages of Grief people going through a significant loss experience or dying. These stages are described as 1. DENIAL 2. ANGER 3. BARGAINING 4. DEPRESSION and 5. ACCEPTANCE. As we examine those five stages of grief under the biblical teachings, it is essential to note that people grieve differently, and you may or may not go through each of these stages or experience each of them in order. Gary Collins, a Christian psychologist, said, "Perhaps no two people grieve in the same way, and the methods of handling grief are unique and personal, but the pain of grieving is universal."

Let us look at those stages and compare them with what the Bible teaches us in facing loss. As Christians, we can study psychology, but we should filter it and use the Bible as the controlling guide because humanistic and atheist psychologists and psychiatrists developed many theories and therapies that did not have a biblical worldview on the human being.

1. Denial Vs. Reality. People at this stage are in shock and refuse to believe what happened to them. Here are their reactions: "It can't be true." "No, not me/my family!" "How could this happen? This kind of thing doesn't happen to people like me." The sad truth is tragedy and grief happen to everyone. We live in a fallen world where suffering and death happen to all, unbelievers and believers. We try to fool ourselves into thinking we are immune to death and disaster, but no one has the right to make that claim. The more privileged we believe we are, the more difficult it is to deal with the hurts we experience in life. There was a man in the Bible that is praised by God so highly twice. His name is Job. This is what God said about him: "There is no one on earth; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." (Job 1:8 and 2:3a). And yet, a godly man like him was allowed to lose his children. Not only that Job lost all of his ten children, but he also lost his business. Everything was gone. And yet he said in chapter 1:21 – "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised." As believers, we do not need to experience stage 1 or "Denial." Instead of being in denial, God wants us to be Realistic that as long we live in this world, we will lose our loved ones one day and die because everyone will die eventually.

2. Anger Vs. We are surrendering to God's Will. According to Kubler-Ross, people at this stage are angry. They blame doctors, their spouses, themselves, and even God for what happened. Here are some common reactions: "Why me?" "Why my child?" "This isn't fair!" "Where is God? Why didn't He protect me?" While researchers and mental health professionals agree that this anger is a necessary stage of grief and encourages anger, I believe we should not prolong anger. I said last week; it is okay to express our feelings. So, when we are angry, it is okay to feel the anger truly. However, our anger will worsen our grief and cause more problems. Here is a picture of a grieving father who attacked his 3-year-old daughter's killer in court (See PP). People who stay in their anger will lose peace and joy in their lives. Instead of anger, like Job, we need to surrender to God's will. It is hard to lose someone we loved, but we want to submit to His will. We believe God knows what is best. When we learn to surrender to God's will, our grief can be turned into a great blessing for others, like Horatio C. Spafford, whose song "It is well with my Soul" after losing four children, has become a great blessing for millions of people.