"What Women Need Most And Men Really Want" Series

James 1:19 (NLT)

28 October 2010

U.S. Army Chaplain (MAJ) Ken Harris

Resiliency Campus

Fort Hood, TX

BIG IDEA: When a woman needs to talk, it is really not necessary for a man to talk.

REFERENCES: James 1:19 (NLT) Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry; Genesis 2:15-25 (The Creation Narrative); Genesis 2:24-25 (ESV) Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. 1 Peter 3:7 (ESV) Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered; Ephesians 5:25 (ESV) Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her; Ephesians 5:28 (ESV) In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself; Job 29:9 (KJV) The princes refrained talking, and laid their hands over their mouth.

I. ANNOUNCE THE PERICOPE: James 1:19 (NLT)

II. READ THE PERICOPE: James 1:19 (NLT)

III. READ THE TEXT: James 1:19 (NLT) Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.

IV. PURPOSE: To motivate the hearers to affirm to others that while it is important to men to “not talk” (but feel an ego boost) , it is equally important to women “to talk” (in order to feel fulfilled).

V. SERMONIC THEME: "What Women Need Most and Men Really Want”

VI. INTRODUCTION: Good morning to all. Welcome to another “Hip-Pocket” Training.

Many of you were here earlier and seem to really appreciate “What Your Mother Didn’t Tell You and Your Father Didn’t Know”.

Now, in case you’re here accidently, the Hip-Pocket Training that we’re about to conduct is dubbed, “What Women Need Most and Men Really Want”. Believe it or not, any man can learn to become a sympathetic listen and have “NO SOLUTION” oriented dialogue with is spouse.

This is imperative. According to John Gray … when a woman needs to talk, it is really not necessary for a man to talk. Instead, that’s the time for him to become a sympathetic listener. In other words, he should start “phoning”.

Phoning is what I call “No Solution” oriented conversation where effective communication occurs by way of looping.

******* TAKE 5 BEATS *******

MOVE 1: Earlier, during our Hip-Pocket Training of “What Your Mother Didn’t Tell You and Your Father Didn’t Know, we discussed the importance of Love, Romance, and Affirmation.

a. I think I made it emphatically clear that “affirmation” was absolutely essential for both husbands and wives.

b. Now, we’re going to address how imperative it is for both to listen.

c. For example, in time past, if a relationship was troubled, a traditional man didn’t take a seminar or purchases a book on relationships;

d. instead, he took a course or bought a book on business or success.

e. Because from time immemorial, he could always make his partner happier by being a better provider.

******* TAKE 5 BEATS ******

MOVE 2: Today, in 2010, you need something different!

a. Today, wives do not leave husbands because they’re not being provided for.

b. They leave because they are emotionally and romantically unfulfilled.

c. When a man does not understand a woman’s new needs, it is inevitable that she will be unfulfilled.

d. And her feeling unfulfilled is what turns her man off!

e. The increase dissatisfaction is unmanageable for the man.

****** TAKE 5 BEATS ******

MOVE 3: In fact, men do not understand women’s needs, and women do not understand what men really want or how to give it to them.

a. As a result, many modern women are unhappy.

b. They are often overworked, overstressed, and commonly feel unsupported and overwhelmed with good reason.

c. At no other time in history has so much been expected of them.

d. At least five days a week, they put on a uniform and march into an eight-to-twelve hour battle.

e. Afterwards, when women come home they feel the need to clean house, make dinner, do laundry, love and nurture the kids, and also be pleasing and happy as well as romantically receptive to their mates.

f. Even a contemporary stay-home mother has a more difficult job than her own mother did because, with most other mothers at work and her kids’ playmates at day care, she lacks the traditional company and support of other women.

****** TAKE 5 BEATS *****

MOVE 4: John Gray says, in the past, a woman was proud to say that she was a full-time wife and mother.