Reducing Conflict - God's Family Values Series

A man was stranded all alone on the desert island for years before he was finally rescued. His rescuers asked him what the 3 huts were that he had built on the island. It’s perplexing for one man to have 3 structures.

He said one was his house, one was his church, and one was where he used to go to church before he got his feelings hurt!

Conflict in relationships is going to happen. You can’t just ignore it. Every organization, every club, every church, every business, every nation, every family has conflict…but not everyone resolves it positively.

So…This morning we are going to look at what we will call, “GOD’S FAMILY VALUES.” Rosenbergs “Family Values” picture.

And it’s by putting these values into practice in our lives that we can reduce the overall conflict we experience in relationships.

EPHESIANS 4:1-4 & 1 Thessalonians 4:11

GOD’S FAMILY VALUES

1. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS

Here’s what 1 Thessalonians 4:11 says in The Message Bible: “Stay calm; mind your own business; do your own job.” That’s great advice…

Stay Calm - Don’t freak out over every little thing. Take a deep breath. Get some thick skin. Don’t be so quick to pass judgment. Don’t make assumptions. Don’t let your feelings get hurt so easily. Don’t be so quick to react…instead…learn to respond appropriately and in love.

Mind Your Own Business - How many know…A whole lot of conflict would be done away with if we’d just mind our own business. Some business isn’t your business. Here’s some very basic suggestions if you want to limit the amount of conflict you experience in relationships:

- If you’re not asked for advice…don’t offer it.

- Don’t interrupt and interject yourself into conversations.

- Don’t ask questions you have no need to know the answer to.

- If you weren’t invited don’t invite yourself.

Do you own job. - Unless you have been given authority to bring oversight…don’t tell someone how to do their job. Focus on doing your own job not telling someone else how to do theirs.

Live a life worthy of your calling: Make a habit of staying calm…minding our own business…and doing your own job.

2. BE HUMBLE

There is a story told of a man who became well-known for his humility. His humble spirit so impressed his fellow citizens that they awarded him a pin that read, “Most Humble Man in Town.” The next day, they took the pin away from him when they caught him wearing it.

Philippians 2:3,4 (NIV) - “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interest, but also to the interest of others.”

Healthy relationships / healthy communities / healthy families are dependent on the humility practiced by each of their members. We live in a society where everyone is looking our for number one. A life “worthy of the calling” isn’t focused on self…it’s focused on others.

- A humble person is a servant. No job is beneath them.

- A humble person doesn’t abuse wealth, power, or position to intimidate others and get what they want.

- A humble person listens more than they talk.

- A humble person isn’t always right and never wrong.

Being humble is the essence of true Christian character. First Corinthians 13 (The Love Chapter) tells us that humility is a defining aspect of the love we are called to have for others.

In a world filled with people who continually make others feel inferior…spend your time making people feel special. Put others first. Bend a little. It’s doesn’t always have to be, “my way or the highway.” Choose to be humble…live a life worthy of your calling.

3. BE GENTLE

Philippians 4:5 (NCV) - “Let everyone see that you are gentle and kind. The Lord is coming soon.”

Proverbs 15:1 (NLT) - “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”

Example: If you’re carrying a full glass and someone knocks up against you…you are going to end up spilling whatever is on the inside of that glass. In the same way…when people knock us around…we’re going to end up spilling what’s on the inside too. Some people spill curse words. Some people spill anger. Some people spill unkindness. But…if we are living a life that is worthy of the calling…filled with the Holy Spirit…then we will spill the gentleness of Christ…and when that happens…people are blown away.

Gentleness is a tricky word. It’s too often linked with weakness. Being gentle is not being weak. In fact…here in this verse…the word “gentleness” in the original language is the word that is used to describe wild horses that were broken and trained. Gentleness here is power / strength under control.