A man was stranded all alone on the desert island for years before he was finally rescued. His rescuers asked him what the 3 huts were that he had built on the island. It’s perplexing for one man to have 3 structures.
He said one was his house, one was his church, and one was where he used to go to church before he got his feelings hurt!
Conflict in relationships is going to happen. You can’t just ignore it. Every organization, every club, every church, every business, every nation, every family has conflict…but not everyone resolves it positively.
So…This morning we are going to look at what we will call, “GOD’S FAMILY VALUES.” Rosenbergs “Family Values” picture.
And it’s by putting these values into practice in our lives that we can reduce the overall conflict we experience in relationships.
EPHESIANS 4:1-4 & 1 Thessalonians 4:11
GOD’S FAMILY VALUES
1. MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS
Here’s what 1 Thessalonians 4:11 says in The Message Bible: “Stay calm; mind your own business; do your own job.” That’s great advice…
Stay Calm - Don’t freak out over every little thing. Take a deep breath. Get some thick skin. Don’t be so quick to pass judgment. Don’t make assumptions. Don’t let your feelings get hurt so easily. Don’t be so quick to react…instead…learn to respond appropriately and in love.
Mind Your Own Business - How many know…A whole lot of conflict would be done away with if we’d just mind our own business. Some business isn’t your business. Here’s some very basic suggestions if you want to limit the amount of conflict you experience in relationships:
- If you’re not asked for advice…don’t offer it.
- Don’t interrupt and interject yourself into conversations.
- Don’t ask questions you have no need to know the answer to.
- If you weren’t invited don’t invite yourself.
Do you own job. - Unless you have been given authority to bring oversight…don’t tell someone how to do their job. Focus on doing your own job not telling someone else how to do theirs.
Live a life worthy of your calling: Make a habit of staying calm…minding our own business…and doing your own job.
2. BE HUMBLE
There is a story told of a man who became well-known for his humility. His humble spirit so impressed his fellow citizens that they awarded him a pin that read, “Most Humble Man in Town.” The next day, they took the pin away from him when they caught him wearing it.
Philippians 2:3,4 (NIV) - “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interest, but also to the interest of others.”
Healthy relationships / healthy communities / healthy families are dependent on the humility practiced by each of their members. We live in a society where everyone is looking our for number one. A life “worthy of the calling” isn’t focused on self…it’s focused on others.
- A humble person is a servant. No job is beneath them.
- A humble person doesn’t abuse wealth, power, or position to intimidate others and get what they want.
- A humble person listens more than they talk.
- A humble person isn’t always right and never wrong.
Being humble is the essence of true Christian character. First Corinthians 13 (The Love Chapter) tells us that humility is a defining aspect of the love we are called to have for others.
In a world filled with people who continually make others feel inferior…spend your time making people feel special. Put others first. Bend a little. It’s doesn’t always have to be, “my way or the highway.” Choose to be humble…live a life worthy of your calling.
3. BE GENTLE
Philippians 4:5 (NCV) - “Let everyone see that you are gentle and kind. The Lord is coming soon.”
Proverbs 15:1 (NLT) - “A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare.”
Example: If you’re carrying a full glass and someone knocks up against you…you are going to end up spilling whatever is on the inside of that glass. In the same way…when people knock us around…we’re going to end up spilling what’s on the inside too. Some people spill curse words. Some people spill anger. Some people spill unkindness. But…if we are living a life that is worthy of the calling…filled with the Holy Spirit…then we will spill the gentleness of Christ…and when that happens…people are blown away.
Gentleness is a tricky word. It’s too often linked with weakness. Being gentle is not being weak. In fact…here in this verse…the word “gentleness” in the original language is the word that is used to describe wild horses that were broken and trained. Gentleness here is power / strength under control.
It’s emotions under control. It’s using your strength and power as a constructive force…not destructive.
If we are going to live a life that is worthy of our calling…we’ve got to be gentle with other people. We’ve got to be sensitive to the needs and feelings of the people around us. We’ve got to practice self control.
Example: Being gentle is like holding / carrying something that is very valuable and fragile. In the same way…people are both valuable and fragile…and we need to be gentle. Now, I’ll be the first person to admit…there are some people that it is really hard to be gentle with. But the fact is…people are easily broken. So live a life worthy of your calling…be gentle.
4. BE PATIENT
Maybe you heard about the guy who went to the Doctor with a swollen foot. After a careful examination, the Doctor gave the man a pill that was big enough to choke a horse and said, “I’ll be right back with some water.”
Well, the Doctor had been gone for quite a while and the man was losing his patience. So, he hobbled out to the drinking fountain and forced the pill down his throat. I mean, he was having a tough time swallowing that thing. Finally…he was able to get it down…and hobbled back into the examining room. About the time he got situated…the Doctor came back into the room with a bucket of warm water and said, “Okay, after the tablet dissolves, soak that foot for about 20 minutes.”
Being patient is hard…because its just not our nature. Patience is not something we are naturally born with.
Example: When our kids were babies…they would wake up during the night. Typically they were either hungry or they had a wet diaper. Not a single time did one of our babies lay there and think,” I know Mommy and Daddy are tired…so I think I’ll just wait until a more convenient time to let them know that I need something to eat and my diaper changed.” NEVER ONCE. That’s not what happens. Without fail…our kids didn’t wait for a more convenient time. They just cried. They wanted attention and they wanted it right then.
1 Corinthians 13:4 says, “Love is patient.” We show love by being patient with each other.
Example: There have been times where I have tried to show my mom how to use the computer or when she has tried to teach me some new piece of music. Both of those situations have required a great deal of patience.
In some versions of the Bible, patience is translated as “long-suffering.” What a great description of showing patience towards someone who stretches your patience. Long-suffering…patience for the distance…an endurance race rather than a sprint.
Learn to be patient. Let the Holy Spirit show you how. And…as you become more patient…the health of your relationships will greatly improve.
5. MAKE ALLOWANCE FOR EACH OTHER’S FAULTS (Put up with each other)
Have you ever felt like you have to “put up with someone”? Well…if so…I have news for you…there’s a really good chance that people have felt the same way about you!
Guess what? We don’t all think the same. We don’t all act the same. We don’t all like the same things. And Paul says, “Those who walk worthy of the calling…they are people who put up with each other.” But not just any kind of putting up with each other. He says they put up with each other…in love.
Example: Some stores have a section of merchandise that is available at greatly reduced prices. A clearance section. Most of the items will have a special tag or sticker. These items are normally sold, “AS IS.”
That is a really nice way of saying, “These are damaged goods.” Sometimes they’re called, “Slightly irregular.” What the store is doing is issuing you fair warning. They’re telling you in advance: This is the department of Something has gone wrong. You are going to find a flaw here. A stain that won’t come out. A zipper that won’t zip. A button that won’t butt. There is going to be a problem. These items aren’t normal…there is a reason they are in this section.
There is a fundamental rule when shopping in this corner of any store. No returns. No refunds. No exchanges. If you’re looking for perfection…you are in the wrong section. If you want this item…you have to take it as it is.
And guess what? When you deal with people…you’ve got to realize…we all come “as is.”
John Ortberg wrote a book called, “Everyone is Normal Till You Get To Know Them.” You know…he is right. None of us are normal. Everybody is weird.
We are all unique. We’re all different. We all have our own little nuances. Our own little…or maybe big habits. Our own list of turn-offs or pet-peeves. Our own way of doing things. (Jen squeezes the toothpaste in the middle of the tube). And it’s those differences that can and often do cause conflict in our relationships.
And so…we’ve got to learn to put up with each other and we’ve got to do it with LOVE.
6. MAKE EVERY EFFORT TO KEEP THE UNITY
PSALM 133
Synchronized Swimming at the Olympics.
- If one of those guys decides to do his own thing…they lose.
- They had the potential for great things…but their lack of harmony stands in the way of greatness.
Jack Kemp - “Every team requires unity. A team has to move as one unit, one force, with each person understanding and assisting the roles of his teammates. If your team doesn’t do this, whatever the reason, it goes down in defeat. You win or lose as a team, as a family.”
The BIble says, “Make every effort to keep the unity.”
To, “make every effort” means to “do everything possible” or to “bend over backwards.”
Example: Kid named Dario in San Jose trying to stand on his head in Kids Church for his talent.
The word, “keep” means “to guard with watchful care.”
If you’re going to keep the unity…then we’ve got to put our best effort into it.
Live a life worthy of your calling…make every effort to keep the unity.
CLOSING
Conflict is inevitable…but the chances of experiencing it can be significantly reduced by living according to God’s Family Values. You have to work hard if you want to have healthy relationships of any kind.
Example: Bring three / four people up. Elbows to the side. Index finger out. Hook them together using rubber bands.
- Rubber bands are like relationships…we are bound together.
- Imagine God in the middle. He wants our relationships to be centered on and bound together around Him.
- Now…A lot of times, relationships get stretched…there are conflicts…tension.
- The further you get away from God and each other…the more tension you bring into the relationship. (Back up one step)
- They’ve moved away from each other and from god and the tension has increased.
- Now…what happens often in relationships is…they get so stretched (have them step back again until a rubber band snaps)…that sometimes the relationship snaps.
- The sting of a broken relationship isn’t pleasant to us or the Lord.
- We’ve got to stay close to each other and close to God.
- When are close to each other and close to God…the tension is less.
We do that by living according to God’s Family Values. Choose to live a life worthy of your calling!
1. Mind Your Own Business.
2. Be humble.
3. Be gentle.
4. Be patient.
5. Put up with each other in love.
6. Make every effort to keep the unity.
