Reconcilable Differences Series

I was reading about a marriage counselor who was talking to a wife who was struggling with her husband. The counselor said, “Maybe your problem is that you’ve been waking up grumpy in the morning.” “No,” she said. “I always let him sleep.”

Problems wouldn’t come into married life if we would all just stay asleep! But we don’t. We wake up. And that’s when our fallen nature starts to go to work. Conflicts come. They’re guaranteed no matter how committed a husband and a wife might be. It’s how we handle these differences that is crucial.

Many things can cause divorce, but hopelessness is often the factor that pushes people over the edge. Maybe you have endured years of frustration and disappointment, hoping that things might somehow improve. And something has recently happened and you are just about to give up hope. “Why should I go on being miserable when there is no hope of things ever getting better?”

You may be here this morning feeling like your marriage has died and there is no point in going on. But remember: We serve a God who resurrected His dead Son from the grave, and who promises to make that same resurrection power available to those who trust Him.

I pray that you will begin to understand the incredible greatness of his power for us who believe Him. This is the same mighty power that raised Christ from the dead.

Ephesians 1:19-20 (NLT)

Next week begins a new series at CVCC called “Character Tour.” In this series, we will be examining Old Testament figures and their character qualities.” When an artist draws a caricature, certain outstanding features of his subject are highlighted or exaggerated. In the same way, certain character qualities stand out in notable characters throughout the Bible. In this series, we’ll be taking a biblical tour of some of these great characters with great character.

July 3-4 – Esther: Making a difference

July 10-11 – Daniel: Finding peace in pain

July 17-18 – David: Dealing with discouragement

Today, we are wrapping up the series “4 Keeps: Marriage God’s way.”

First week: The way wives win.

Second week: Homework for husbands

Last week: Conflict revolution

Get the tapes! Listen to the messages over and over. Better yet, memorize the scriptures and ask God for the grace to live this out.

Today: Reconcilable differences

Most of us would not consider ourselves to be gullible, yet the Bible often reminds us, “Do not be deceived” (Galatians 6:7). But we are easily deceived. We latch onto a piece of “worldly wisdom” that sounds good and justifies our actions even if it’s not based on God’s word.

Maybe you’ve noticed over the years that people who want to justify a divorce often use a very predictable set of reasons. I call them myths about divorce. Here are three:

Three myths about divorce…

Myth #1: It’s better for our children to go through the pain of our divorce than to live with parents who fight all the time.

Judith Wallerstein wrote a book called The Unexpected Legacy of Divorce. She followed children of divorce over a quarter century. She compared these young women and men with a similar group from intact families and made a startling finding: the effects of divorce are cumulative and crescendo in adulthood. In fact, the greatest impact of divorce does not occur until people are in their twenties and thirties.

Children of divorce become more aggressive than those in unbroken families. They suffer more depression, have more learning difficulties, are more promiscuous, bear more children born out of wedlock, are less likely to marry and more likely to divorce.

Teach your children to choose the right path, and when they are older, they will remain upon it.

Proverbs 22:6 (NLT)

If a person still decides to go through with a divorce after considering the facts, they may have to come face-to-face with the very real possibility that it’s not the children they are looking out for, but themselves.

Myth #2: Surely a loving God would not want me to stay in such an unhappy marriage.

This myth is based on a presupposition that God’s purpose for my life is to make me happy. But God is more interested in my holiness than my happiness.

Imagine that you are back in time two thousand years to when followers of Christ were persecuted by the Romans. You are sent to counsel those who are about to be sent out to the lions. Would you really say to them, “Surely a loving God would not want you to suffer like this”?

See, God has something far more important in mind for us than our living pleasant, pain-free lives. His purpose is to make us like Jesus.

And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. For God knew his people in advance, and he chose them to become like his Son.