In Sermon Illustrations: "Quotes"

It's Time To Change The Diaper!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Nov 12, 2024

One day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands. So, the proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby wouldn’t stop crying. ...read more

Scripture: 2 Corinthians 5:17-21, Romans 12:1-2

Tags: Salvation, Transformation, New Life, New Birth, New Creation, Changes, Trusting Jesus  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

I’m Too Smart To Be Stupid.

Contributed by James Snyder on Jun 24, 2023

After being married for over 50 years, my wife, The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, knows more about me than I know about myself. At least, that's the perception I get from her actions. It must be true when she says something about me, and I won't challenge her with anything she says. ...read more

Scripture: Proverbs 12:15-16

Tags: Marriage, Relationship

Denomination: Christian Missionary Alliance

What’s So Bad About A Knucklehead?

Contributed by James Snyder on Aug 26, 2023

Dr. James L. Snyder As I got older, the least little thing brought back memories from a lifetime ago. From some of the memories, I must have had an incredible boyhood. Too bad I can't live it again. I might improve those memories. Who knows. For some reason, I remembered the word ...read more

Scripture: Proverbs 3:5-6

Tags: Crazy, Knucklehead

Denomination: Christian Missionary Alliance

Preachers Who Make You Throw Up!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Aug 12, 2019

A Pastor was doing his Children's Church sermon where all the kids come down to the front & hear a story. The Pastor was discussing the story of Jonah. He quoted the Scripture from Jonah: "The Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited Jonah upon the dry land." When the Pastor ...read more

Scripture: Jonah 2:1-7

Tags: Jonah, Bad Preaching, Children's Church, Embarrassing Moments

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Billy Graham's Great Regret

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Dec 2, 2020

Billy Graham was once asked, "If you had to live your life over again, what would you do differently?" He answered: “One of my great regrets is that I have not studied enough, I wish I had studied more and preached less. People have pressured me into speaking to groups when I should ...read more

Scripture: 2 Timothy 3:16, 2 Timothy 2:15

Tags: Bible, Scripture, Bible Study, Word Of God, Pastors, Sermon Preparation  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Following The Wrong Leaderf

Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Sep 23, 2019

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn't see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road. Then breaking through the ...read more

Scripture: Romans 1:19-22

Tags: Direction, Leadership, Ignorance, Gullibility, Naivete  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Independent/Bible

Wake Up, Leroy!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Nov 20, 2019

Two brothers were being interviewed for a truck-driving team. They were engaged in a hypothetical situation. The interviewer said, "Now, Charlie, imagine you're driving the truck and Leroy, your brother, is up on top asleep. Charlie, your truck is loaded down with hundreds of pounds of ...read more

Tags: Revival, Humor, Wake Up, Jokes, Sleeping  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Stop Pushing Your Car And Step On The Gas!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Nov 6, 2022

The Argentine evangelist, Santiago Garaballe, once gave an illustration of a man who bought a new car. He had never owned a car in his life. The car came with a powerful engine under the hood. What if the man then spent the rest of his life pushing it around! Come on family let's go for a ride! ...read more

Scripture: Galatians 2:20

Tags: Holy Spirit, Resurrection, Victory, Flesh, Defeat, Spirit Filled Life  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

A Game Of Redemption And Unity

Contributed by Jung Lee on Jan 16, 2024

In Korea, there's a popular game called "Ice or Free." The rules are simple: one person is 'it' and chases others. Players can freeze themselves if cornered by shouting "Ice," becoming immune to being tagged. They remain frozen until a teammate tags them, setting ...read more

Scripture: Galatians 6:1-2

Tags: Spiritual Support, Christian, Responsibility, Redemption, Unity, Cycle, Spiritual Growth, Community  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Baptist

Doing Nothing Is Harder Than I Thought

Contributed by James Snyder on Aug 29, 2020

After being so long in a lockdown situation, the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage planned a short vacation time for us. It took her quite a while to put all of the pieces together, but she succeeded as always. As I was preparing for this little adventure, my wife looked at me and said, ...read more

Scripture: Luke 6:31

Tags: Vacation, Holiday

Denomination: Christian Missionary Alliance

Obscurity

Contributed by Dr. Fred W. Penney on Aug 20, 2019

In his book Christ Plays in Ten Thousand Places, Eugene Peterson recounts the story of the fourth century church father Gregory of Nyssa whose brother Basil had arranged for him to be made bishop of Cappadocia. "Gregory objected," Peterson writes. "He didn't want to be stuck ...read more

Scripture: Psalm 139:1-12

Tags: Obedience, Identity

Denomination: Pentecostal

Funny Epitaph On Tombstone

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Nov 20, 2019

I am told that an Indiana cemetery has a tombstone that is over 100 years old which bears the following epitaph: "Pause, stranger, when you pass me by. As you are now, so once was I. As I am now, so you will be. So prepare for death and follow me." An unknown passerby read those ...read more

Scripture: 2 Corinthians 5:1-7

Tags: Hell, Death, Eternity, Decision, Heaven  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

God The Father In The Old Testament

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Mar 12, 2022

God is only referred to as "Father" fourteen times in the Old Testament's thirty-nine books, and even then, rather impersonally. In those fourteen occurrences of Father, the term was always used with reference to the Nation of Israel, not to individuals. In the entire Old Testament, ...read more

Tags: Old Testament, Grace, Father, Law, Prayer, Lord's Prayer  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

There Goes God's Dollar!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Dec 4, 2022

A young boy was invited to church by one of his friends. On the way out the door, his mother handed him two dollars. Then she said, "There is one for you and for God when they pass the offering plate!" As the boy walked along with his friend, the wind blew one of the dollars right out ...read more

Tags: Money, Church, Giving, Stewardship, Pastors, Tithing  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Look!

Contributed by Dr. Fred W. Penney on Dec 30, 2024

E. Stanley Jones, Methodist Doctor and Missionary to India once wrote: The early Christians did not say: "Look what the world has come to!" - but, "Look what has come to the world." They saw not merely the ruin, but the resource for the reconstruction of that ruin. They ...read more

Scripture: John 1:14

Tags: Jesus, Gospel, Incarnation

Denomination: Pentecostal

Chinese Proverb About Peacemaking

Contributed by Richard Tow on Apr 24, 2023

An old Chinese proverb says, “If there is righteousness in the heart, there will be beauty in the character. If there be beauty in the character, there will be harmony in the home. If there be harmony in the home, there will be order in the nation. When there is order in the nation, there will be ...read more

Scripture: Matthew 5:9

Tags: Peace, Home, Peacemakers

Denomination: Charismatic

Love Beyond Sight

Contributed by Jm Raja Lawrence on Sep 23, 2023

Love Beyond Sight In a quaint village nestled amidst rolling hills, there lived a man whose love story would be told for generations to come. His name was Samuel, and he was known far and wide for his kindness and his love for his wife, Sarah. Samuel had met Sarah on a sunny day at the village ...read more

Scripture: 1 Corinthians 13:4, John 13:34, 1 Peter 4:8, Matthew 19:6

Tags: Kindness, Love

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

C.s. Lewis And The Conversation Between Two Devils

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Jan 2, 2023

One young devil asked an older devil: “How did you manage to bring so many souls to hell?” The old devil answered: “I instilled fear in them!” Answers the youngster: “Great job!" "And what were they afraid of? Wars? Hunger?” Answers the man: “No, they were afraid of the disease!” The ...read more

Scripture: James 4:7

Tags: Hell, Community, Devil, Relationships, Demons, Excuses  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Hilarious Marriage Joke To Share!!!!!!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Jan 8, 2024

There’s a very funny story going around like a virus about a man who went to his doctor after weeks of serious symptoms. The doctor examined him carefully, then called the patient’s wife into his office. The doctor told her, "Your husband is suffering from a rare form of anemia. The bad ...read more

Scripture: Ephesians 5:18-31

Tags: Death, Marriage, Husbands, Wives

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

God With Us

Contributed by Edward Hardee on Dec 2, 2024

I started out by describing a song that I had been singing all week long. (I used Leaning on the Everlasting Arms but you can use any song). I spent about 5 - 7 minutes giving all the details of the song. The author, the beat, where it is used at, who sung the song, etc. I keep the title ...read more

Scripture: Matthew 1:23, Philippians 2:5-11

Tags: Emmanuel, Immanuel, God With Us

Denomination: Church Of God