In Sermon Illustrations: "Quotes"

Snakes

Contributed by David Goering on Nov 2, 2019

ILLUSTRATION: Gospel Tract Society, Inc., Independence MO -Snakes in an Atheist's Grave - Last September, while engaged in a Defenders Conference in Idaho, a gentleman by the name of Mr. C. M. Crew came to me with one of the strangest stories I had ever heard, about an atheist in Ohio who was ...read more

Scripture: Galatians 6:7

Tags: Atheist, Unbelief

Keep Looking Up!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Feb 9, 2020

A father and son were driving down a country road and saw a watermelon patch a little way off the highway. The father told his son to keep a lookout while he went to get a melon. He snuck into the patch, took a melon and called to the boy, "Is anyone coming? Look both ways." The boy ...read more

Scripture: Matthew 5:1-12, Colossians 3:1-4

Tags: Temptation, Stealing, Looking Up

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

You Are Grounded!!!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Mar 15, 2022

THE PRODIGAL SON'S RETURN... We were sitting in Church a few weeks ago while the minister delivered a sermon based on the timeless story of the prodigal son. When he got to the point where the father sees his son returning and races out to meet him, the minister said loudly and with ...read more

Tags: Parables, Prodigal Son, Jokes, Prodigals, Children, Parents, Humor  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Mom Is The Best Preacher In The Family!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Apr 19, 2022

Dr. G. Campbell Morgan had 4 sons and they were all preachers. Someone once came into the living room when all the family was there. They thought they would see what Howard, one of the sons, was made of so they asked him this question: "Howard, who is the greatest preacher in your ...read more

Tags: Children, Mother's Day, Pastors, Mother, Preachers  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Taking Your Cut

Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Feb 22, 2025

A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of Christmas shopping. It was found by an honest little boy and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "That's funny. When I lost my bag there was only a $100 bill in it. Now there are five $20 bills." The boy quickly replied, ...read more

Tags: Self Interest, Shrewd

Denomination: Independent/Bible

Make Room For The Tide!

Contributed by Joshua Blackmon on Mar 12, 2022

"Years ago, a wealthy businessman from London chartered a bus to carry a busload of urban children to the coast. There, the children spent a wonderful day at the ocean. Many of the children had never left the city. Most had never seen the ocean. For one blissful day, they ran unfettered over ...read more

Scripture: Ephesians 5:18

Tags: Make Room, Spirit Filled, Ocean, Full, Tide  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Pentecostal

God Gave Her A Flying Cat!  PRO

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Feb 1, 2014

GOD GAVE HER A FLYING CAT! Have you heard the story about the pastor who had a kitten that climbed up a tree in his backyard and then was afraid to come down. The pastor coaxed, offered warm milk, etc., but the kitty would not come down. The tree was not sturdy enough to climb, so the pastor ...read more

Scripture: Jeremiah 33:3

Tags: Prayer, Miracles, Prayer Answered

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Helping People Help Themselves

Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Sep 24, 2019

From Parade magazine comes the story of self-made millionaire Eugene Land, who greatly changed the lives of a sixth-grade class in East Harlem. Mr. Lang had been asked to speak to a class of 59 sixth-graders. What could he say to inspire these students, most of whom would drop out of school? He ...read more

Scripture: Revelation 1:4-8, Revelation 1:17-18

Tags: Help, Success, Wise Generosity, Benevolance

Denomination: Independent/Bible

Give Thanks In Everything

Contributed by James Dina on Dec 6, 2020

"In everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you" (1 Thessalonians 5:18) If it is the will of God that we should give thanks in everything, then we should reduce our complain lest we go against His will. COMPLAINING IS CONTRARY TO THANKSGIVING. In ...read more

Scripture: 1 Thessalonians 5:18

Tags: Thanksgiving, Complain

Denomination: Pentecostal

The Narrow Definition Of Neighbor

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Mar 20, 2022

With their passion for definition, Jewish Rabbis sought to define who a man's "neighbor" was. They confined the word "neighbor" to include only their fellow Jews. For instance, some of them said that it was illegal to help a Gentile woman in her time of childbirth for ...read more

Tags: Levites, Priests, Rabbis, Parable, Neighbor, Kindness, Good Samaritan  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Death And Vanity

Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Aug 29, 2022

A middle-aged, wealthy woman has a heart attack. While on the operating table she has a near death experience. She sees the angel at the gates and asks if this is it. The angel says no, she has another 30-40 years to live. She recovers, and decides to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, ...read more

Scripture: Hebrews 9:27, Proverbs 31:30, Mark 8:36, Matthew 16:26

Tags: Death, Beauty, Vanity

Denomination: Independent/Bible

The Story Of The Christian Lion

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Nov 20, 2022

A missionary in Africa was walking through a jungle when he heard the ominous roar of a lion behind him. He was very scared and dropped immediately to his knees and started praying feverishly! "Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, “You know I have served you my whole life. I have even ...read more

Scripture: Jeremiah 33:3

Tags: Thanksgiving, Protection, Prayer, Humor

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

First-Time Fathers Are A Hoot!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Jul 8, 2024

One day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands. So, the proud new papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby wouldn’t stop ...read more

Tags: Dad, Children, Parents, Training, Fathers  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

It's Time To Change The Diaper!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Nov 12, 2024

One day shortly after the birth of their new baby, the mother had to go out to do some errands. So, the proud papa stayed home to watch his wonderful new son. Soon after the mother left, the baby started to cry. The father did everything he could think of to do but the baby wouldn’t stop crying. ...read more

Scripture: 2 Corinthians 5:17-21, Romans 12:1-2

Tags: Salvation, Transformation, New Life, New Birth, New Creation, Changes, Trusting Jesus  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

I’m Too Smart To Be Stupid.

Contributed by James Snyder on Jun 24, 2023

After being married for over 50 years, my wife, The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage, knows more about me than I know about myself. At least, that's the perception I get from her actions. It must be true when she says something about me, and I won't challenge her with anything she says. ...read more

Scripture: Proverbs 12:15-16

Tags: Marriage, Relationship

Denomination: Christian Missionary Alliance

What’s So Bad About A Knucklehead?

Contributed by James Snyder on Aug 26, 2023

Dr. James L. Snyder As I got older, the least little thing brought back memories from a lifetime ago. From some of the memories, I must have had an incredible boyhood. Too bad I can't live it again. I might improve those memories. Who knows. For some reason, I remembered the word ...read more

Scripture: Proverbs 3:5-6

Tags: Crazy, Knucklehead

Denomination: Christian Missionary Alliance

Preachers Who Make You Throw Up!

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Aug 12, 2019

A Pastor was doing his Children's Church sermon where all the kids come down to the front & hear a story. The Pastor was discussing the story of Jonah. He quoted the Scripture from Jonah: "The Lord spoke to the fish, and it vomited Jonah upon the dry land." When the Pastor ...read more

Scripture: Jonah 2:1-7

Tags: Jonah, Bad Preaching, Children's Church, Embarrassing Moments

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Billy Graham's Great Regret

Contributed by Dr. Larry Petton on Dec 2, 2020

Billy Graham was once asked, "If you had to live your life over again, what would you do differently?" He answered: “One of my great regrets is that I have not studied enough, I wish I had studied more and preached less. People have pressured me into speaking to groups when I should ...read more

Scripture: 2 Timothy 3:16, 2 Timothy 2:15

Tags: Bible, Scripture, Bible Study, Word Of God, Pastors, Sermon Preparation  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Evangelical/Non-Denominational

Doing Nothing Is Harder Than I Thought

Contributed by James Snyder on Aug 29, 2020

After being so long in a lockdown situation, the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage planned a short vacation time for us. It took her quite a while to put all of the pieces together, but she succeeded as always. As I was preparing for this little adventure, my wife looked at me and said, ...read more

Scripture: Luke 6:31

Tags: Vacation, Holiday

Denomination: Christian Missionary Alliance

Following The Wrong Leaderf

Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Sep 23, 2019

One cold, snowy Minnesota night, I got lost on the way home. The snow was blowing so fast and piling up so high, I couldn't see any street signs. With no map in my car and a dead cell phone, I thought I might be stranded so I pulled over to the side of the road. Then breaking through the ...read more

Scripture: Romans 1:19-22

Tags: Direction, Leadership, Ignorance, Gullibility, Naivete  (view more)  (view less)

Denomination: Independent/Bible