Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Oct 7, 2002
based on 5 ratings
| 3,102 views
After an evening out, some parents returned home to their children, whom they had left with the baby sitter. They were pleasantly surprised to find the kids fast asleep. When the sitter had been paid—just as she was walking out the door—she communicated this detail: "Oops—almost forgot to
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Independent/Bible
based on 15 ratings
| 5,448 views
In the Secret Service
A gentleman was in front of a preacher coming out of the church one day. The preacher grabbed him by the hand, pulled him aside and said to him, "You need to join the Army of the Lord!" The man replied, "I’m already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor." The Pastor questioned,
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Evangelical/Non-Denominational
Contributed by Jim Kilson on May 25, 2006
based on 3 ratings
| 2,323 views
A man took his daughter to the carnival, and she immediately ran over to a booth and asked for cotton candy. As the attendant handed her a huge ball of it, the father asked, “Sweetheart, are you sure you can eat all of that?” “Don’t worry, Dad,” she answered, “I’m a lot bigger on
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Christian/Church Of Christ
i. Tadlock states, ‘The loss of perspective is another cost of hurry sickness. Perspective means a balanced way of seeing things-the capacity to see people or things in their relationship to each other. You see things as they are rather than in some distorted manner. It’s hard to
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Evangelical/Non-Denominational
Contributed by David Flowers on May 17, 2005
based on 1 rating
| 3,832 views
An Indian fable says that a mouse was in constant distress because of its fear of the cat. A magician took pity on it and turned it into a cat. Immediately it became afraid of the dog. So the magician turned it into a dog. Immediately it began to fear the tiger. So the magician turned it into a
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Free Methodist
Contributed by Sherm Nichols on Dec 31, 2007
A Skit – 3 people up front, each with a plate and snack in front of him/her. All 3 are very hungry. Person #1 thinks really hard about the food. Person #2 touches the food – maybe smells or licks it. Person #3 devours it, then asks the
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Denomination:
Christian/Church Of Christ
Contributed by Jimmy Chapman on Apr 22, 2008
The owner of a store placed a big sign in his window. It read, "If you need it, we have it." His competitor’s store was smaller, and so was his stock. He placed a sign in his window that read, "If we don’t have it, you don’t need it."
However, there is something
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Baptist
Contributed by Ajai Prakash on Sep 11, 2008
Two explorers were on a jungle safari when suddenly a ferocious lion jumped in front of them. "Keep calm" the first explorer whispered. "Remember what we read in that book on wild animals? If you stand perfectly still and look the lion in the eye, he will turn and run." "Sure,"
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Evangelical/Non-Denominational
Contributed by Kyle Blanton on May 14, 2007
People and especially kids want to get away with what they can get away with.
I can’t count how many times I’ve been home with the kids and something breaks, or is left in the middle of the floor for me to step on or trip over, or a light is left on. And would you
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Denomination:
Baptist
Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 18, 2007
based on 1 rating
| 6,751 views
Illustration- Confession
A man told his pastor he had done a terrible thing and could find no rest for his conscience. The pastor asked him, “Have you confessed it to the Lord?”
And the man replied, “Pastor, I’ve confessed that sin a thousand times.”
The wise pastor said, “That is 999
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Contributed by Mary Lewis on May 7, 2009
"Alex Haley, the author of ROOTS, has a picture in his office, showing a turtle sitting on a fence post.
He says, ‘Any time I start thinking, WOW, ISN’T THIS MARVELOUS WHAT I’VE DONE!’ I look at that picture and remember what I learned a
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Baptist
Contributed by Terry Barnhill on May 11, 2010
NO LONGER ON TRIAL
In a museum art gallery of old masters, one visitor was being particularly and audibly critical of these great works of art. Finally, an elderly attendant could stand it no longer and said, "If you please, sir, the pictures are no longer on trial...but the spectators are."
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Presbyterian/Reformed
Contributed by Curry Pikkaart on Dec 22, 2011
It's like little Mary who, having been naughty, was sent into her bedroom to "think things over." Coming out all smiles after a while, she said, "I thought and prayed."
Her mother said, "Fine! That will help you to be good."
Mary responded,
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Presbyterian/Reformed
Contributed by Perry Greene on Oct 16, 2012
A church member, noted for his "kickative mood and objective case," was challenged to construct a workable program rather than always finding fault with the attempts of others. "No," he replied, "you go ahead and make the plans, I will tell you what is wrong with them."
This is essentially how
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Independent/Bible
Contributed by Ed Vasicek on Feb 13, 2023
President [Lincoln] prefaced a discussion of the draft Emancipation Proclamation by reading aloud from a favorite humorist. In response to the disapproval of some members of his cabinet, Mr. Lincoln said: Gentlemen, why don’t you laugh? With the fearful strain that is upon me night and day, if I
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Independent/Bible
Contributed by Frank Gallagher on Feb 20, 2001
based on 98 ratings
| 5,078 views
A few years ago, I was watching David Letterman, and he was broadcasting his show from Las Vegas. He was doing his opening monologue and he told this joke.
He said that he was standing in front of one of the casinos, and a man came up to him looking desperate.
"Please!" the man begged
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Denomination:
Independent/Bible
Sermon Central