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In Sermon Illustrations: "Ill Timed"

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  • The Pentecostal Dog

    Contributed by Garris Hudson on Nov 12, 2024
    based on 2 ratings
     | 1,050 views

    Farmer Jones lived in the countryside alone except for his old dog that he had by his side for years. But, unfortunately, his pet died and Farmer Jones went in town to see his pastor about his loss. “Pastor, my dog is dead," he said. "Could you possibly do a funeral service for this old ...read more

  • Max Lucado, In His Book, "Applause From ...  PRO

    Contributed by Melvin Newland on Nov 9, 2001
    based on 49 ratings
     | 2,874 views

    ILL. Max Lucado, in his book, "Applause from Heaven," tells about flying home after having been gone for more than a week of speaking engagements. He says, "I know that my wife & our two daughters will be waiting at the airport for me. And as I walk down the long corridor & round the bend & into ...read more

  • The Donkey Awakened, His Mind Still Savoring The ...  PRO

    Contributed by Abraham Shanklin on May 19, 2003
    based on 8 ratings
     | 2,691 views

    The donkey awakened, his mind still savoring the afterglow of the most exciting day of his life. Never before had he felt such a rush of pleasure and pride. He walked into town and found a group of people by the well. “I’ll show myself to them,” he thought. But they didn’t notice him. They went ...read more

  • Listen Slowly  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jul 7, 2003
    based on 7 ratings
     | 3,865 views

    LISTEN SLOWLY Writer Charles Swindoll once found himself with too many commitments in too few days. He got nervous and tense about it. "I was snapping at my wife and our children, choking down my food at mealtimes, and feeling irritated at those unexpected interruptions through the day," he ...read more

  • Listen Slowly  PRO

    Contributed by Mark Hensley on Oct 18, 2000
    based on 94 ratings
     | 4,259 views

    LISTEN SLOWLY Writer Charles Swindoll once found himself with too many commitments in too few days. He got nervous and tense about it. "I was snapping at my wife and our children, choking down my food at mealtimes, and feeling irritated at those unexpected interruptions through the day," he ...read more

  • Attitude Is Everything  PRO

    Contributed by Bobby Scobey on Apr 24, 2007
    based on 3 ratings
     | 2,699 views

    Attitude Is Everything. There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I’ll braid my hair today." So she did and she had a wonderful day. The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that ...read more

  • Attitude Is Everything  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 18, 2007
    based on 22 ratings
     | 3,477 views

    Attitude Is Everything. There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I’ll braid my hair today." So she did and she had a wonderful day. The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that ...read more

  • Listen Slowly

    Contributed by Paul Wallace on Dec 6, 2007
     | 2,442 views

    Listen Slowly Writer Charles Swindoll once found himself with too many commitments in too few days. He got nervous and tense about it. “I was snapping at my wife and our children, choking down my food at mealtimes, and feeling irritated at those unexpected interruptions through the day,” he ...read more

  • Holidays Get Interesting Don't They? They Bring ...

    Contributed by Jim Kane on Jan 7, 2008
    based on 1 rating
     | 3,768 views

    Holidays get interesting don’t they? They bring out the best in people and they also, unfortunately, bring out the worst in people. I’ll have you determine which is true in the following story. The day before Thanksgiving an elderly man in Phoenix called his son in New York and said to him, "I hate ...read more

  • Somebody Once Wrote A Book ‘men Are From Mars And ...

    Contributed by Aubrey Vaughan on Dec 4, 2009
     | 1,968 views

    SOMEBODY ONCE WROTE A BOOK ‘MEN ARE FROM MARS AND WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS WHICH REALLY SPEAKS ABOUT HOW DIFFERENT MEN AND WOMEN REALLY ARE. I THINK IT STANDS OUT THE MOST ON THE WEDDING DAY ITSELF. THE BIG DAY ARRIVES AND THE HUSBAND TO BE WAKES UP, RELAXES MIGHT HAVE A FULL ENGLISH BREAKFAST THEN ...read more

  • When Dr. Stephen Olford Was Pastor Of The ...

    Contributed by Tony Klinedinst on Mar 16, 2009
     | 3,497 views

    ILLUS: When Dr. Stephen Olford was pastor of the Calvary Baptist Church in New York City he had the opportunity of leading his brother who had been an agnostic most of his life to the Lord, as he lay in the hospital desperately ill. One day Dr. Olford was called to come to the hospital quickly and ...read more

  • The Vessel God ...

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Mar 17, 2009
    based on 1 rating
     | 7,055 views

    THE VESSEL GOD USES The Master was searching for a vessel to use; on the shelf there were many--which one would He choose? "Take me", cried the gold one, "I’m shiny and bright, I’m of great value and I do things just right. My beauty and luster will outshine the rest And for someone like ...read more

  • The Big Feather Bed  PRO

    Contributed by Bruce Howell on Feb 27, 2002
    based on 76 ratings
     | 1,771 views

    “The Big Feather Bed” Dr. J.C. Massee was pastor of Tremont Temple in Boston but he was reared in Georgia. He said his mother was the sweetest woman in the world, but there was one thing she was very strict about. She wouldn’t let her children play on her snow-white feather beds. She prided ...read more

  • The Kool-Aid Stand Parable

    Contributed by Rick Pendleton on Jan 20, 2013
     | 3,809 views

    THE KOOL-AID STAND PARABLE Jason wanted to buy Tubby's old bike. Tubby got a new one for his birthday and would sell Jason his old one for $10. It was a great deal. The problem was that Jason didn't have any money. His cousin, Scott, in another town, was making good money with his Kool-Aid stand. ...read more

  • Bobby Asks Freddy, ‘do You Know That ...  PRO

    Contributed by Byron Sherman on Jun 12, 2001
    based on 103 ratings
     | 2,244 views

    Bobby asks Freddy, ‘Do you know that you’re going to Heaven?’ Freddy immediately answers, ‘Sure! Don’t you?’ Bobby says, ‘No, not really, How come you know?’ Freddy says, "Well, I figure, I’ll just run in & out & in & out & keep ...read more

  • Michelangelo The Famous Artist Used A Lamp ...  PRO

    Contributed by David Blizzard on Sep 3, 2001
    based on 46 ratings
     | 3,279 views

    Michelangelo the famous artist used a lamp attached to his head when he painted. The reason he did this was to keep the shadow of himself from being cast onto the canvas. We need to keep Jesus, the light of the world, between us and the canvas of life to keep self from being cast in the way. No ...read more

  • More Kids Living With Grandparents In '97, The ...

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jan 6, 2006
    based on 1 rating
     | 1,894 views

    More Kids Living With Grandparents In ’97, the most recent year for which figures are available, 5.5% of all children under 18 in the U.S. live with a grandparent. That compares to only 4.9% in ’92 and 3.6% in ’80. The Census bureau blames social ills such as child abuse, ...read more

  • Gift For The Children's Home

    Contributed by Davon Huss on Aug 16, 2010
    based on 1 rating
     | 2,938 views

    GIFT FOR THE CHILDREN'S HOME A tired stay-at-home mom opened the front door of her home to find the preacher from the church, who said, "I’m collecting donations for the new children’s home we’re building. Just asking you to give what you ...read more

  • Leaning On His Fence One Day, A Devout Quaker ...

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 18, 2007
    based on 1 rating
     | 2,432 views

    Leaning on his fence one day, a devout Quaker was watching a new neighbor move in next door. After all kinds of modern appliances, electronic gadgets, plush furniture, and costly wall hangings had been carried in, the onlooker called over, ’If you find ...read more

  • On Books

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 18, 2007
     | 2,089 views

    ILL.- TEACHER: Who is your favorite author? PUPIL: George Washington. TEACHER: But George Washington never wrote any books. PUPIL: You got it. TEACHER: How many books have you read in your lifetime? PUPIL: I don’t know. I’m not dead yet. TEACHER: What does your history book tell you about the ...read more