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In Sermon Illustrations: "Fathers Day Jokes"

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  • You're The Best  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on May 5, 2002
    based on 7 ratings
     | 2,526 views

    YOU’RE THE BEST My mother said to me, "If you become a soldier you’ll be a general; if you become a monk you’ll end up as the pope." Instead, I became a painter and wound up as Picasso. SOURCE: Pablo Picasso, Spanish artist. Citation: Celebrating Mother: A Book ...read more

  • Can You Hear Them?  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on May 5, 2002
    based on 2 ratings
     | 1,936 views

    CAN YOU HEAR THEM? You too, my mother, read my rhymes, For love of forgotten times, And you may chance, to hear once more, The little feet along the floor SOURCE: Robert Louis Stevenson. Citation: The ...read more

  • Babysitter Confession  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on May 5, 2002
    based on 4 ratings
     | 3,088 views

    BABYSITTER CONFESSION "The one thing I’ve never admitted to any baby-sitter, because I’ve barely admitted it to myself, is that I don’t want her to be everything to my children that I am. I want her to be more than I am and everything I am not. I want her to be consistently cheerful and ...read more

  • Great Things About Moms  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on May 5, 2002
    based on 10 ratings
     | 3,925 views

    GREAT THINGS ABOUT MOMS They rarely refuse to take their kids to the emergency room. She understands that you’re not ready to quit sucking your thumb. She understands that you can’t give up your blankie yet. It’s not cheating if she helps you write your paper. Only mothers can get all the ...read more

  • Mom's Ten Commandments  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on May 5, 2002
    based on 18 ratings
     | 4,427 views

    MOM’S TEN COMMANDMENTS Sick people belong in bed. Thank-you notes, thank-you notes, thank-you notes. Everyone needs a nap everyday. Get your hair off your face. Stand up staight. Look people in the eye when you meet them. Good table manners are important in case you get invited to a rich ...read more

  • A Four-Year-Old And A Six-Year-Old Presented ...  PRO

    Contributed by A. Todd Coget on May 9, 2002
    based on 21 ratings
     | 8,177 views

    A four-year-old and a six-year-old presented their mom with a houseplant. They had used their own money to buy it and she was thrilled. The older of them said with a sad face, "There was a bouquet at the flower shop that we wanted to give you. It was real pretty but it was too expensive. It had ...read more

  • Noble Career  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on May 9, 2002
    based on 21 ratings
     | 3,017 views

    NOBLE CAREER There is no career more noble than that of motherhood at its best. There are no possibilities greater and in no other sphere does failure bring more serious penalties. To attempt this task unprepared and untrained is tragic, and its results affect generations to come. On the other ...read more

  • Ten Signs Of A Frustrated Mother  PRO

    Contributed by Steven Simala Grant on May 28, 2002
    based on 9 ratings
     | 2,980 views

    TEN SIGNS OF A FRUSTRATED MOTHER 1. Your children know how to read HTML code but can’t operate a vacuum cleaner. 2. Your children tell you that you said "yes" and you don’t even remember the question. 3. You go to the grocery store and find yourself having a good time. 4. Your husband asks how ...read more

  • The Star Spangled Banner  PRO

    Contributed by Michael Gibney on Jun 8, 2002
    based on 9 ratings
     | 3,284 views

    THE STAR SPANGLED BANNER Oh, say can you see, by the dawn’s early light, What so proudly we hailed at the twilight’s last gleaming? Whose broad stripes and bright stars, through the perilous fight, O’er the ramparts we watched, were so gallantly streaming? And the rockets’ red glare, the ...read more

  • How Much Do You Know?  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 18, 2002
    based on 4 ratings
     | 2,601 views

    HOW MUCH DO YOU KNOW? In a recent Constitution Poll commissioned by the National Constitution Center, fewer than 50 percent of the respondents knew how many U.S. Senators there are; only 6 percent could name the four rights guaranteed by the First Amendment; and 84 percent thought the ...read more

  • Only In America  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 24, 2002
    based on 37 ratings
     | 4,915 views

    ONLY IN AMERICA 1- Only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance. 2- Only in America are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink. 3- Only in America do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions, while ...read more

  • My Country Tis Of Thee  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 24, 2002
    based on 12 ratings
     | 4,307 views

    MY COUNTRY TIS OF THEE The kindergarten teacher was showing her class an encyclopedia page picturing several national flags. She pointed to the American flag and asked, "What flag is this?" A little girl called out, "That’s the flag of our country." "Very good," the ...read more

  • Fight Like Men  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 24, 2002
    based on 4 ratings
     | 2,631 views

    FIGHT LIKE MEN The hour is fast approaching, on which the Honor and Success of this army, and the safety of our bleeding Country depend. Remember officers and Soldiers, that you are Freemen, fighting for the blessings of Liberty -- that slavery will be your portion, and that of your ...read more

  • A Great Place To Live  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 26, 2002
    based on 8 ratings
     | 2,215 views

    A GREAT PLACE TO LIVE America is a great place to live. Thousands of people reach its borders everyday hoping to live the American Dream. The Chrisian Science Monitor recently reported a poll that asked the question "If it couldn’t be US, whose citizenship would you want?" Americans, ...read more

  • In Support Of God  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Jun 30, 2002
    based on 5 ratings
     | 2,620 views

    IN SUPPORT OF GOD On Sunday, June 30, 2002, CNN reported that a weekend poll said nearly nine in 10 Americans believe the phrase "under God" should remain in the Pledge of Allegiance. Most also believe that it is acceptable for the government to promote religious expression, as long as no ...read more

  • What If?  PRO

    Contributed by Jim Kane on Jul 11, 2002
    based on 5 ratings
     | 1,742 views

    WHAT IF? Almost 226 years ago, a group of men were meeting in trying circumstances. A war was on. Armies were marching and doing battle. They believed in certain truths that ultimately would form one of human history’s greatest nations. They were willing to sacrifice their very lives for making ...read more

  • Give Me Liberty  PRO

    Contributed by Michael Gibney on Aug 7, 2002
    based on 4 ratings
     | 2,169 views

    GIVE ME LIBERTY March 23, 1775. A man with his eternal perspective addressed the House of representatives and said, “ No man thinks more highly than I do of the patriotism, as well as abilities, of the very worthy gentlemen who have just addressed the House. But different men often see the same ...read more

  • One Vote  PRO

    Contributed by Sermon Central on Oct 21, 2002
    based on 9 ratings
     | 2,747 views

    You are wrong if you do not vote. You are to render unto Caesar the things that are Caesar’s. Our Caesar [in the United States] is a government of the people by the people for the people. One vote may make the difference. ONE VOTE made Oliver Cromwell Lord Protector of the Commonwealth and gave ...read more

  • Mothers Are Central To The Success Of The ...  PRO

    Contributed by Donnie Martin on May 11, 2003
    based on 14 ratings
     | 2,953 views

    Mothers are central to the success of the American family. Their love, dedication, and wisdom touch countless lives every day in every community throughout our land. And their love and guidance of children help to develop healthy and spiritually sound families. President John Quincy Adams once ...read more

  • A Mother's Daily Antidepressant Is Praise! ...  PRO

    Contributed by Kenneth Squires on Jun 17, 2003
    based on 4 ratings
     | 2,577 views

    A mother’s daily antidepressant is praise! Through Jesus we can put on a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair! Praise cuts the ropes of despair. Praise unlocks the jail of depression. Praise sets our spirits free. How much more can we love our kids when we’re loving our God? How much ...read more