Contributed by Sermon Central on Apr 12, 2007
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"There are two things, the actual and the ideal. To be mature is to see the ideal and live with the actual. To fail is to accept the actual and reject the ideal; and to accept only that which is ideal and refuse the actual is to be immature. Do not criticize the actuial because you have seen the
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Contributed by Ted Harvey on Jul 31, 2009
WRITE IT DOWN
Ma and Pa were sitting on the porch swing. Ma asked Pa to go down to the drug store and buy her an ice cream sundae with chocolate syrup. And she told him to write it down because he wouldn’t remember it. He told her he would not write it down; he didn’t need to write it down; he
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Baptist
Contributed by Melvin Newland on Sep 3, 2009
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After he retired, one man wrote,
I get up in the morning, and I dust off my wits.
I go out, get the paper, and I read the obits.
If my name is missing, I know I’m
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Christian/Church Of Christ
Contributed by Rodelio Mallari on Nov 14, 2010
LIFE EXPECTANCIES
The highest present-day life expectancy belongs to the women in Norway (77 years) and the men in Sweden (72 years).
In most European countries and the Americas, men and women can expect to live to be over 60. On the other hand, most African countries report life expectancy of
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*other
Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 15, 2010
THE £1.50 HEARING AID
An elderly man stopped at a hearing aid centre and asked about prices. The salesman said, "We have them from £25,000 down to £1.50."
"What's the £25,000 one like?"
The salesman said, "Well, it translates three languages."
"And what about the one for £1.50?"
"It's this
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Brethren
Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 21, 2010
GREY HAIRS
A little girl sat on the bed pestering her mum with questions while mum was in a hurry to get changed and go out. Watching her mother looking in the mirror and plucking out the grey hairs on her head she asked, "Mummy, why do you have some grey hairs?"
Her mother replied, "Because
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Brethren
Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 29, 2010
THE CURE
Mrs Smith was so happy: "I’ve cured my husband of biting his nails."
I replied, "How did you manage to do that?"
"Simple,"
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Brethren
Contributed by Gordon Curley on Nov 29, 2010
THE MAN WHO CAME FOR THE BLIND
A fellow in our office told us recently of a household incident of which he had been an innocent but perplexed spectator. Our friend had called a Venetian-blind repairman to come pick up a faulty blind, and the next morning, while the family was seated at the
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Brethren
A LOT BETTER JOB
A little girl crawled up into her great grandmother's lap one day. And looking up into her great grandmother's face she saw all those lines and wrinkles.
Then she felt her own smooth skin. She said to her great grandmother, "Did God make you?"
Her great grandmother said,
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Independent/Bible
Contributed by Gordon Curley on Sep 4, 2011
THE HERE...AFTER
A vicar was talking to one of his parishioners. He said, "When you get to my age you spend a lot more time thinking about the hereafter."
"Why do you say that?" enquires the parishioner.
The vicar replies, "Well, I
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Brethren
WHITENING FAST
When Dr. Rees was waiting to preach, a friend commended to him, "You sure are whitening fast!" He got up and said this from the pulpit: "There is a little white flower that comes up through the earth at this season of the year - sometimes it comes up through the snow and frost; but
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Baptist
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