It All Boils Down To One Thing

Of all the things I have learned, one has made a difference in my life.

I hear stories about how married couples are unhappy. Today, something must be wrong with you if you haven't been divorced and remarried five times.

I always figure that the person who has been married five times hasn't learned anything from their first four marriages. They're going to repeat the same mistakes, over and over.

Somebody should pass a law forbidding people to be stupid. Why does stupidity seem to run our country? If we would forbid stupidity, we would have no politicians screwing up our country, but then, is that bad?

Being married has been a long journey for both The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage and her fantastic husband. We celebrated 53 years of marriage.

There have been some stress points in our marriage, although at this point, I can't remember one. That's why it's important to forget things when you get older. But our marriage has been a wonderful ride in the park—I just can't remember which park.

After 53 years of marriage, I have discovered that true happiness boils down to one thing. Discovering that one thing is a treasure of gold. Most people have never discovered this one thing, which is why their lives are not happy.

I know five marriage counselors, and each have been divorced and remarried at least three times. You would think they would understand what makes a marriage happy and pleasant. I wouldn't see those five marriage counselors for any advice.

This came to me about a month ago. I was talking to a young man who asked me about our marriage secret. I had to tell him that we had no secrets. Then it occurred to me what our marriage's driving point was. I had discovered one important secret.

It all boils down to one point: how many married couples are happy? If only one is happy, it is not a good marriage. If both are happy, well, you know the answer.

The explanation of what happy means will help us understand this whole scenario.

For some people, being happy means they are always right and always get what they want, when they want it.

My mother used to say when I would ask her if she was alright. "No, son," she would say with a smile, "I'm half left."

Then she would say, “If we were to be right all the time, why did God give us a left hand?”

So, to be happy, I don't necessarily have to be right all the time. I don't always have to have everything my way. Sometimes I do need that left hand for balance.

Looking back over my life, if I had everything my way, I would be in so much trouble today that I'm not sure I could get out of it. My way hasn’t always the important way. It’s hard to acknowledge that.

If the wife is happy, then I'm happy. If the wife is not happy, I'm in serious trouble.

The important aspect of marriage is discovering what makes the other person happy. Once I figured that out, everything was a ski-ride down the mountains.

When you first marry, you don't know what makes the other person happy or sad. It's a learning experience and you better get busy studying this subject before you get married.

The only rocky point in our marriage had to do with "broccoli." She has a fascinating love for broccoli, I have a deplorable hatred for broccoli and the twain shall never meet on the same dinner table.

When we were first married, I did not know this about her and broccoli. But it wasn't long after we were married that I discovered this. Up to that point, I had never tasted broccoli, and I wasn't about to start tasting it then; with deep respect to my tongue.

When we were married, she didn't know about my fascination with Apple Fritters. I grew up in Pennsylvania Dutch country where Apple Fritters are king of the hill. We just love our Apple Fritters.

The Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage was happy when she was eating broccoli and I was happy when I was eating Apple Fritters. These two things cannot be done on the same table, if you know what I mean.

At that point, it all boiled down to one thing. Are we going to determine what the other person likes? Or, will we accept them as long as it makes them happy?

That's so critical that I don't know anything more important.

If I can master this one thing, then there will be nothing but happiness in our marriage. I don't demand that she like what I like, and she doesn't demand that I like what she likes. We just put up with certain things and don't make an issue of them.

My secret is, if she passes before me, I'll make sure there is broccoli in her casket that she can take with her.

The key to marriage is agreement. I like what it says in Amos 3:3, “Can two walk together, except they be agreed?”

If you walk down a path going to in certain destination, although, you both are going in the same direction but one can look to the left and the other to the right. It is the destination that is important.