Scooping Up Manna

I wrote the following poem titled “Scooping Up Manna” on March 3rd, 2011 as an entry in my private journal during a time of great internal struggle and turmoil over whether or not I would choose to be obedient to follow after God. This poem is based on the Biblical account found in Numbers chapters 13 and 14. I pray that by sharing this expression of my inner struggle, that God would minister to you in a personal way, and that you would be encouraged even as Joshua was when God told him, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (Joshua 1:9)

SCOOPING UP MANNA

What is the sense of disquiet I have in the depths of my soul?

Am I merely here to blithely live one day after another?

Must I be content to provide for my family, love my wife, and raise my children as my life’s ambition?

Are those not good and worthy things?

Is it a man’s destiny to simply do his best?

What about fulfillment?

What about purpose?

What about passion?

Will I reach the end of this life with a long list of regrets?

Can I stand before my King and pretend that I gave my all?

God is calling, “Enter the Promised Land, My child, and witness the glory of the Lord as I bring down giants and display My glory so that all the nations will know that I AM GOD.”

Are to talking to me, Lord?

Surely not me, Lord.

Wouldn’t it be irresponsible of me to do such a thing?

Don’t You know that I have responsibilities that I can’t ignore?

Besides, I’m just a simple man, and I feel so alone…How can I make any difference?

Can’t I just wander aimlessly through the desert for the rest of my life instead?

Wouldn’t that be easier?

Wouldn’t that be safer?

Wouldn’t that still please You?

Won’t You be able to use me for Your purposes regardless of where I am, regardless of whether I’m facing giants in the Promised Land or scooping up manna from the desert sand?

“Shhh. Be still and listen to Me, My child.

I want you to forsake all.”

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Paul Davidson, 3-Mar-2011.